Author Archives: simpleijustdo

Yes, We Are Moving

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Our empty dining room in the new house...I did the mental math the other day, and it is only about six months away… Yikes!  I have so much to do.  It seemed like so far away for so long, that now I actually have to get out the planner and start penciling some stuff in!  I can’t believe it!  There are so many things we have to do like have a huge garage/Craigslist sale (which will basically entail a whole house inventory, and lots and lost of decisions), meet/talk with the autism society liaison where we’re headed so I can make some plans for The Boy, not only for school, but also for the summer, work on my transition plans for The Boy (including making a “Big Move Book” for him), and then the long list of actual moving details…

The last time I moved between states, I was four years old, so I wasn’t so involved with the details.  Now I have pesky things like a driver’s license and bank accounts that will need to be switched.

Oh, and there’s that small detail about employment…

And health insurance…

I think I’ll get right on this…

In January.

Busy, Busy

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It’s that time of year, isn’t it?  Everyone feels it.  And mostly, we do it to ourselves.  Fill up those calendars with things to do, and then wonder why this season is so stressful.

Part of the problem in our house is that I teach band and choir, and The Boy is involved in band and choir, which makes for multiple concerts and mandatory attendance.  (Luckily, The Boy’s band concert is actually during the day, and I will miss work for this special event!  Er, I mean… not “luckily”, but, well, you know…)

Ah, The Elementary Choir Concert...

Add a birthday (and a birthday party) in the middle of all of those rehearsals and concerts, and it can be beyond hectic, especially in a single-parent household.  How do I do it?  Carefully scheduled mental health personal days, babysitters, and the mantra “this too shall pass”.  Don’t get me wrong — I love this season: the music, the neighborliness, the giving, the traditions.  The stress, though?  That, I can definitely do without.

What do you do to ensure it is a season of good cheer instead of Bah Humbug?

Advent Update 2

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As of Day 9, our advent calendar hasn’t been torn down, and The Boy is excited to open up a box each morning.  He really couldn’t give a flip about the activities, but he seems to enjoy the little gifts.  We have done a few activities, and all I can say is that this is much better than a couple of years ago.

AC as of day 9

I really like only putting one gift out at a time, although it would be great if I wasn’t frantically making a box and trying to fill it with stuff each night.  Next year, I’ll have my “stuff” together and get all of the boxes done ahead of time, and possibly filled so they are ready to go.  Making the boxes is fun, though, and really fills my “crafty quotient” for the day.

I’m still a little disappointed that we’re not doing as many of the activities, but as long as we’re doing some, I’m going to have to be OK with that.  (It’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me…)

The bonus is that whatever little gifts I have left over, I can throw in his stocking and call it a day.  Time to go make tomorrow’s box…

Happy Birthday, Little Man

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Eleven years ago, on this day, at 1:06pm, I gave birth to the light of my life.

Love at First SightThe nurses quickly named him “Red”, as he was born with a full head of hair which looked red.  When dry, though it turned out to be blonde, and to this day, The Boy’s hair looks red when wet, and blonde when dry.

Hair

He was a tiny little thing, just under 5 1/2 pounds, and took his sweet time coming into this world. I had to roll up the sleeves on his tiny newborn-sized clothes, he was so small.

IMG_1098

The other day (probably the day I had to buy him size 4 shoes!), I asked The Boy what had happened to my little baby, the one I could fit on my forearm.  He said, “Mom, it’s just life.  It’s the life cycle.  I’m growing!”  I said, “Well, you will always be my baby, no matter how much you grow, right?” and he said, “Yes, I’ll always be your baby.”

My Baby

Damn skippy.

Happy Birthday, Little Man!

Transitions

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We all know that kids with autism have a hard time with transitions, but you know what?  I do too.  It has taken me two weeks to get back into the swing after Thanksgiving.  I wasn’t working out, we were eating out a lot, and the house…  Well, it’s always my last priority, so you can imagine what it looked like.  It was probably worse than you are imagining.

I was forced to get up at a decent hour this morning because we had to go pick up the cake for The Boy’s birthday party, and I usually wake up around 9 on Saturdays anyway (thank you strange neighbor-lady who has very loud TV on starting at 5am daily…), although I usually pop in the earplugs and go back to sleep.  Today I figured I would do some yoga and get a load into the laundry.  Doing those two things set the tone for the day.

I typed an agenda with all of the things I wanted to accomplish today, and scheduled in ample breaks (rewards), and you know what?  I got most of it done, including putting up our tree (finally!).  It feels so late, but of course, The Boy’s birthday is Monday, so we’re actually on time.

In any case, I’m finally feeling back on track, and not-so-overwhelmed.  Amazing what a difference a day can make.

Hope you are having a great weekend!Our tree 2012

 

Hot Dogs & The Future

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Sometimes people will ask about The Boy’s future.  Will he go to college?  Will he live on his own?  What will he do when he’s an adult?

The crazy thing about autism, is that it is unpredictable.  I have no clue what the future will look like.  Most parents of NT kids can reasonably assume that their child will go to college or trade school, or get work experience once out of high school, and will be able to make a living and live on their own, find a life partner, and maybe give them grandchildren.  We special needs parents either don’t know if any of that will happen, or we know for certain that it won’t.

As The Boy gets older, I get a better idea, but I can’t say for certain, and I definitely don’t want to judge his capability too early, thereby predetermining the outcome – does that make sense?  I want to be as open as I can to all possibilities so that none seems out of reach for The Boy.

One of the ideas that has been percolating ever since we made this major life decision to move to be closer to The Man and my parents has been to start up our own business or nonprofit, which could be a built-in job for The Boy in the future.  We have lots of ideas, but one that started as a joke, and is still a joke (mostly, maybe, hmmm…) has been that The Man and The Boy will operate a hot dog stand at the beach during the summer.  The Man actually has a friend who did it for awhile and made money doing it, too!

So this is The Boy’s Christmas gift to The Man this year:

Hot Dog Stand Ornament

Pretty fitting, don’t you think?

Child Support

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For the past year or so, the ex has done a fairly good job with keeping up with the meager child support payments he has to make.  Why?  Because as long as he is gainfully employed, they take it right out of his check.  If he had to do anything himself, it probably wouldn’t get done.  I’m not slamming him, that’s just a fact, which he would probably admit to, as well.  Sometimes his employer has taken it upon himself to submit it biweekly instead of weekly.  I’m not sure why he does this, but as long as The Boy gets his support in a timely fashion, it doesn’t really matter to me.

The gainfully employed part of that is the only sticking point.  There are times when the ex “gets laid off” which is code for “gets fired”.  He tends to have a problem with authority, and tends to not hold a job for terribly long.  I think that is what has happened yet again, as it has been longer than two weeks since a payment was made.

Thankfully, I haven’t really had to fight too much for The Boy’s rights.  My state (as I think most states do) works with the state in which the ex lives, and they do a great job of tracking down the people and information they need, and following through with their procedures.  A couple of years ago, the total amount owed got up to about $3000, and my state initiated hearing proceedings.  They notified the ex, who started to panic, and they even went so far as to intimate to him that if he didn’t have all of the money at the hearing, he would be put in jail.  I’m not sure that is entirely true, but good on the (mostly) ladies who work for child services in getting the desired results.

Of course, the ex sees it as “the man” trying to “keep him down” because he’s known a lot of guys who have been “screwed by the system” over the years.  The funniest part of all of this was the moment when the ex realized he actually had to pay more toward his son’s upbringing after the divorce, because I footed so much of the bill when we were married.  Karma.

In any case, if you are going through a divorce, please, PLEASE do not make any agreement to go outside of the system.  I know my state doesn’t even allow it, so it may not even be legal where you are, but beside that, there is no enforcement if you make your own “deal” with your soon-to-be-ex, like my ex desperately wanted me to agree to.  Where would I have been when he owed me $3000?  Out of luck, that’s where.

Also, if you can at all help it, try to get to a point where you do not depend on that support.  It really is another form of control that your ex still has over you.

Dav Pilkey Goes a Step Too Far

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Some of The Boy's Collection

If you aren’t familiar with Dav Pilkey, he is the author of the incredibly popular Captain Underpants Series (among others along the same vein).  The Boy loves his books.  He cracks up, and reads and re-reads them often.  I used to worry that the atrocious spelling in the books might derail The Boy in that subject area, as he has a rather photographic memory that way, but he actually finds the mistakes hilarious, and we often point out each one when reading together.

Some parents are not fans, finding his tone irreverent, and the subject matter bordering on the lines of bad taste.  If you actually read the books, you will find that Dav uses parody to point out some of the basic features of going to school these days, and also subtly mocks what passes for education in our times.  Lots of levels, just like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Anyway, I purchased what seems to be the latest book for The Boy (Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers) as a surprise to pull out on the plane when electronics could definitely not be used.  I knew he hadn’t seen it before, and I knew I could count on it to absorb him for a good while…

[SPOILER ALERT]

And then, The Boy got to the end of the book…  Where a character actually dies…  In a rather violent manner…

The Boy was understandably upset.  These books usually end with the bad guy going to bad guy jail, but no one ever gets seriously hurt, let alone gets killed (by being stepped on by giant zombie nerds, leaving a “red, squishy stain”).  He kept going back to that page, obviously disturbed by it.

Oh, Dav, Why did you have to go there?  I trusted you to entertain my kid without scarring him, because you never went this far before. 

To add insult to injury, Pilkey also claims that as a result of this violent death, there will be no more Captain Underpants books.  So you kill a character, and then leave the kids high and dry?  It does go on to say that there actually will be another book, which ultimately confused the hell out of The Boy, Mr. Literal.

The Boy has decided he is going to write a letter to Dav Pilkey about all of this, which I encouraged, as I hope many others do, as well.  I think Mr. Pilkey has forgotten that his audience is made up of children, who while desperately trying to become adults, are still impressionable and trusting.  And in this latest book, he has let them down.