Risk

Posted on March 9, 2016 by simpleijustdo

I’m not going to get into the habit of writing about work, but I wanted to let you know that my new situation is really, really good. And there’s a reason I’m sharing this with you today.

My old job, the one that “brought me to my knees” was a decent paying job, especially for our area. And it took me five months to get it. So for a year and half, I was miserable, thinking I couldn’t leave because I really had it pretty good, except for the screaming and yelling, the unreasonable demands, the constant checking up on the weekends… What does that sound like to you? An abusive relationship? Because it was. I saw it in all of the other people I worked with, too. “It’s not bad all the time,” or “It’s much better when he’s not in the office/ in the winter/ when he’s in a good mood,” or “There’s just nothing else out there.” Scary stuff, right there.

In my big picture way of looking at things, I see a parallel. This is another time in my life where I took a risk and said enough was enough. Life is too short to be so miserable everyday. And it wasn’t pretty. It was hard to be a single mom. And it was hard working retail for minimum wage. I did a lot of soul-searching, and it was painful. There were times in both cases where I thought, “Is this it? Is this all there is?” But there were benefits to both, too. At least I was free from a toxic relationship. At least I could do things the way I wanted to. At least I had an opportunity to learn a great deal. (And I ended up loving being a single mom, except for being lonely).

And then, something wonderful happens that changes your life around. And you realize your instincts were right. There are really, really good men out there who know how to treat others. And there are really, really good jobs out there where you actually get a lunch break with a side of respect. My advice is this: trust your instincts, and take that risk. It may not be sunshine and lollipops immediately, but life is too short to miserable. You deserve more.

In the midst of winter, I found that there was, within me, and invincible summer.

His Hopes & Dreams

Posted on November 4, 2015 by simpleijustdo

The other day, The Man, The Boy and I were riding around as we are wont to do on the weekends, and we happened upon the local agency that employs young adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities once they’ve aged out of public school. The Man and I explained to The Boy what the young people with autism and other issues did inside the building. “They put together candy bouquets, do laundry, all sorts of stuff, and that’s their job,” I explained. “Isn’t that cool?” I asked.

A pause from the back seat, and then, “Can you be a band director there? Because that’s what I think I’d like to do.”

My heart just about broke while I was trying to find an answer. The Man responded that to be a band director you had to go to college, and in order to go to college you had to listen to your teachers and do all of your homework because that would be a lot of hard work. “I do all of my homework and listen to my teachers,” The Boy replied. “Ok,” we said and the subject naturally wandered in other directions as we drove on.

Could The Boy go to college, earn a degree, teach his own classes someday? Quite possibly. Don’t for a second think that I doubt my sons abilities.

What I doubt are the supports he would need to get there and our ability to afford those supports that are not in place. Realistically, colleges are not yet equipped for our kiddos (Hell, his middle school is not yet equipped…). And neither is the real world.

So how do I go about tempering my boy’s dreams, when it is the very last thing I want to do?

Milestones & Success

Posted on October 13, 2015 by simpleijustdo

Yesterday was my birthday, and naturally, I am in a reflective mood.

I’ve learned so much through The Boy about milestones and success, and how the social constructs that make us believe we aren’t quite achieving as much as we should (there’s that awful word) are a figment of our own imaginations. And yet…

I have to confess that as I step firmly into my 40s, I wonder what I have to show for myself. Not in terms of what I’ve accomplished, but where I am currently. Let me make perfectly clear that I am happy. I made a conscious decision to leave teaching to be with loved ones and for my own mental health. I made another conscious decision to leave my decent-paying job, again for my own mental health. But I can’t honestly say that working for minimum wage has done much for my own sense of self-worth.

I am very happy and grateful to be employed, don’t get me wrong. And my current position is just what I needed, really. The complete lack of stress, the laid back coworkers, the peace of mind are so valuable to me, I can’t really put it into words. But peace of mind doesn’t pay the bills, and I am not old enough to retire. In other words, I still have so much to give, so much to offer. But the job market here just won’t bear it.

On the continuum of employment, from stressful to no-stress, from meaningful to not-in-the-least-important-to-society, from almost $100K to minimum wage, I am still searching for that middle ground, and it is elusive. And work is important to me.

The Man and I have long considered creating our own business plan, not only for ourselves, but also to ensure that The Boy has meaningful employment, as well (I mean, if I can’t find employment, imagine how difficult it will be for a young man on the spectrum). If necessity is the mother of invention, we may be giving birth to our own opportunities very soon.

I just have to remind myself (continously) that if I start to walk down the path of “shoulds” (ie I should be making this much, I should be doing xyz), I will be in the weeds. That path was never right for The Boy, and can do nothing but harm to me. We will just need to blaze our own path to find that balance and meaning, and have faith that we will find our way.

Desperation

Posted on June 17, 2015 by simpleijustdo

A friend sent me a tragic news story about a father of a young man with autism, who had been caring for him alone, and had health problems of his own who had ended up taking the young man’s life before taking his own.

Sadly, this is not uncommon.

Murder and suicide are never the right path, but in order to prevent this type of thing from happening, and in order to make it extremely uncommon, you have to look at why it happened. And you have to look at it compassionately. To condemn someone who is so desperate that they will end the life of someone they love dearly, as well as their own is too easy. “There but for the grace of God, go I.” The human mind is a mystery, and the only part of the human body that still has a stigma attached to its treatment.

This is not new. Anyone who has read Thomas Hardy’s book Jude the Obscure, for example (or really any of Hardy’s books), knows that people have been making desperate choices when no other options are afforded for centuries. The problem we have to address is the lack of support and resources.

The 1 in 68 are rapidly becoming young adults aging out of a public school system that exits them with virtually nowhere to go. Any programs or services available are largely hit or miss, or are so abominable, no one would place their child there for a minute. If you’ve ever scanned the want-ads, you will often find job listings for personal care providers paying minimum wage. What type of people do you think are attracted to a part-time minimum wage job? Desperate people. And then we’re back to where we started.

We need a robust plan for our autism community that includes meaningful employment for all on the spectrum, adequate housing opportunities, and comprehensive assistance for families and caregivers who often suffer right along with their children due to lack of sleep, anxiety, and post-traumatic type symptoms. What we have now is not enough, and we cannot expect families and caregivers to endure without tragedies continuing to occur.

How many times will we read the same headlines before we do something?

Last Day: Looking Back

Posted on December 31, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I think it’s only normal for people to look back before starting something new, and New Year’s Eve is a logical opportunity to do so. It’s also important. One of the things teachers benefit most from but rarely have time to do is reflect on their daily teaching to analyze what worked and what needs to be tweaked. True in non-teacher lives, as well, I know. At the end of the day, thinking back on what was positive, and what we could have handled better helps us learn from our mistakes, and decreases the likelihood that we will repeat them.

This year, I moved house in a major way, got married, left my career, battled for better schooling for my son, wrote a novel, and got a new job which I love. I’ve left old friends behind (but never forgotten), and made new friends. My life has improved, sometimes by sheer will. I compromise more (a new husband and a blended family make this absolutely necessary), I don’t get nearly as many headaches, I relax (fully) more.

At the beginning of this year, I couldn’t see past June. It was a complete unknown – What would I be doing? What would my son be doing? How would our lives change? Now that I am six months past that point of all that was unknown, I am proud of us for taking this leap, trusting ourselves to get re-married, trusting that we could find a good school situation for The Boy, and trusting that I would land on my feet with a job I didn’t hate, making enough to pay the bills. I am very proud of us. It was a big leap of faith, and it has turned out beautifully.

2013 has been a year of great change, of great opportunity, of great hope, and of great reward for me (and us). I hope it treated you just as well. I look forward to 2014 with great anticipation for continued growth for all of us.

Happy Old Year, Friends. And Happy New Year.

Enjoying Work

Posted on December 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I have to say that I am really enjoying my new job. And it’s been since about 2007 since I could say that.

It’s a great feeling.

For many, many reasons, teaching became less and less enjoyable over the years to the point that I would cry on the way to work in the mornings because I really just didn’t want to go. Might sound juvenile, but it’s a pretty desparate feeling, especially when you are a single mom and have to provide for your son. There is no opt out, there is no quitting to try to find something more enjoyable. And teachers really don’t have that luxury like some other professionals do. They don’t have the possibility of quitting and making the same pay in a lateral move, which is absolutely ridiculous, but I digress.

And it hasn’t been easy being unemployed for half a year, either. I wouldn’t recommend it for the weak of heart. Your self esteem takes quite a few dings.

But opportunity arose when The Man bought this house outright, and I had to take it. I didn’t want to be miserable anymore. Today, I’m so glad I did, and I’m so thankful for my new job that I enjoy. I feel capable and trusted, appreciated and challenged. I’ve been waiting a long time to feel like this again.

Have a great day, People! 😀

Back to Work

Posted on November 29, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Not a bad office view…

Starting work today was something completely new. You see, since I graduated college in the mid-nineties, I had only a handful of interviews, and they were for teaching jobs. Even though I may have had a new job here and there, I kind of knew that school was school, and nothing would be that different from my previous job. I needed to know who the secretaries and the custodians were ASAP, and always, always treat them nicely. I needed to know where the copy machine was, and where I could eat lunch. The rest was pretty much the same. I went to my room and taught.

Today, I walked into my new job, not knowing how many hours a week I was wanted, nor how much exactly I was to be paid. I didn’t even know exactly what my job entailed but that my title would be “Event Coordinator” for a long-standing, local boat tour company.

By the end of the day, I had impressed my new boss a bit, been told I could work full time if I desired, and would make enough for me to not have to worry about my bills anymore.

Best of all, I enjoyed my day. I edited and formatted, created spreadsheets, and researched, all the while learning my new boss’s idiosyncrasies, and getting along well with the other office “girl” whose job is separate from but most similar to mine.

I’m back to work, but work like I’ve never known it. I’m thankful. I’m excited.

Happy Day-Before-Black-Friday…

Posted on November 28, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I love Turkey Day. Today is our only truly American holiday that doesn’t separate us according to religion, ethnicity, familial status, or socioeconomic status. It’s inclusive. It’s about giving gratitude for what we have. It’s about showing love to those we love most.

I hate Black Friday. It has overtaken Thanksgiving. It overshadows the time we are supposed to be taking to reflect on how little we truly need. It taints the entire season with the greasy feel and steely smell of money.

I will not be shopping today or tomorrow. I never do. I enjoy my family to the fullest extent. But I do have something to do on Friday…

I will be working! I finally got a job! I need to go in on Friday to get an orientation of sorts, and I am very thankful to be employed again. This is a good thing.

I’m thankful we got The Boy into a much better placement. He has had a great week, and I look forward to many more accomplishments in his future there.

I’m thankful that for the first time since 1991, I am not traveling anywhere today, and was able to wake up in my own bed next to my wonderful new husband, for whom I’m also thankful.

I’m thankful I get to spend today with all of my beautiful family.

I am also thankful to have “won” NaNoWriMo (scroll down and check out my badge on the bottom right of the page!). I finished and validated my 50,000+ word novel yesterday afternoon, and it feels GREAT to accomplish a goal that a lot of people think about doing but never quite accomplish.

I am thankful for so much more, but you don’t need to sit here and read about me. Go have a fantastic holiday, and keep it simple. 😉

Thankful for a “Me” Day

Posted on November 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’ve been busy lately. I’d like to say I’ve been busy working, and I have, but not busy making a paycheck. I’ve been busy making sure my son gets a decent education. I’ve been busy writing a novel for NaNoWriMo. I’ve been busy helping The Man on a couple of big jobs he’s lined up, because I can help him when he’s painting. I’m not a pro, but I can get the job done. I’ve been busy filling out applications, taking timed typing tests, and preparing for my tutoring students.

But at the end of the day, I’m still only making about $36 a week.

And, I’m neglecting to do what I’d really like and need to do. Yes, NaNoWriMo is a “me” thing, but it is demanding, squeezing every ounce of originality out of you, and even more so that sometimes what ends up on the page is a big messy mess. And it’s work. And I really need a new pair of shoes. No, I’m serious…

See? I told you. Not just a craving for some sassy pumps. A desperate plea for decent-looking foot apparel.

Today, I get a day for me. A “me” day, that I can actually spend as I choose. Of course, there are a few things I need to do, like call about a possible new tutoring student, and some laundry. And then there’s that big meeting this afternoon, leftover from last week that has a major impact on my son’s future… There’s that.

But until about 2:30, it’s all me, baby. 😉

Jobs and Autism

Posted on April 24, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I posted a story on the Simple. I Just Do facebook page yesterday about a carwash in Florida that was developed to run entirely with autistic employees, (and was started by a family with an autistic son, no less). And I encountered a staggering statistic – an unemployment rate of 90% for those with autism.

Food Barn pin from first paycheck job. / c. 1989 - Nate Hofer

Food Barn Pin – Nate Hofer

That is a very scary number.

The article by Doreen Hemlock of the Broward County Sun-Sentinel quoted Michael Alessandri, director of the University of Miami-Nova Southeastern University Center for Autism and Related Diseases, as saying, “Most people with autism can work. They can be very successful when given the right support. There just aren’t enough job opportunities with the right support system.”

The Man and I have discussed starting our own business a great deal. Part of that, I think a large part of it, is that if we are the owners, we can create our own opportunities for The Boy to be employed. And just like many, many families with autistic kids are turning to homeschooling so that they can tailor their child’s education according to his/her individualized needs, I think many, many families have or will turn to entrepreneurship for the same reason.

I love it.

I am so inspired by all of this. The world isn’t ready for this influx of people with autism? Well, let’s make it ready, one kid, one family, one family-owned business at a time. Bring it.