Big News for The Boy

Fantastic Babysitter is going to have a baby, and I was honored to be one of the first to know.  She has become such an integral part of our family, and I can’t even begin to fathom how much we will miss her.  She is going to be a fantastic mother, and there is so much happiness in store for her family.

She waited a bit before telling The Boy, but last night was the big night to impart her news.

This is a picture i took for the Candy article.

We sat down on the couch, and she produced two jellybeans and told him that if he put the two jellybeans together, it would be the size of the baby that is growing in her belly.  He opened his eyes a little wider but didn’t say anything for a few seconds.  She and I both explained a bit more, and then he said, “Did (her husband) do this to you?”

It was a classic, if unexpected response that made us both laugh (we’re still laughing!).  Makes sense coming from one so logical, though.  I guess that sex ed curriculum is working!

Dav Pilkey Goes a Step Too Far

Some of The Boy's Collection

If you aren’t familiar with Dav Pilkey, he is the author of the incredibly popular Captain Underpants Series (among others along the same vein).  The Boy loves his books.  He cracks up, and reads and re-reads them often.  I used to worry that the atrocious spelling in the books might derail The Boy in that subject area, as he has a rather photographic memory that way, but he actually finds the mistakes hilarious, and we often point out each one when reading together.

Some parents are not fans, finding his tone irreverent, and the subject matter bordering on the lines of bad taste.  If you actually read the books, you will find that Dav uses parody to point out some of the basic features of going to school these days, and also subtly mocks what passes for education in our times.  Lots of levels, just like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Anyway, I purchased what seems to be the latest book for The Boy (Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers) as a surprise to pull out on the plane when electronics could definitely not be used.  I knew he hadn’t seen it before, and I knew I could count on it to absorb him for a good while…


And then, The Boy got to the end of the book…  Where a character actually dies…  In a rather violent manner…

The Boy was understandably upset.  These books usually end with the bad guy going to bad guy jail, but no one ever gets seriously hurt, let alone gets killed (by being stepped on by giant zombie nerds, leaving a “red, squishy stain”).  He kept going back to that page, obviously disturbed by it.

Oh, Dav, Why did you have to go there?  I trusted you to entertain my kid without scarring him, because you never went this far before. 

To add insult to injury, Pilkey also claims that as a result of this violent death, there will be no more Captain Underpants books.  So you kill a character, and then leave the kids high and dry?  It does go on to say that there actually will be another book, which ultimately confused the hell out of The Boy, Mr. Literal.

The Boy has decided he is going to write a letter to Dav Pilkey about all of this, which I encouraged, as I hope many others do, as well.  I think Mr. Pilkey has forgotten that his audience is made up of children, who while desperately trying to become adults, are still impressionable and trusting.  And in this latest book, he has let them down.


English: Baby Oliver

English: Baby Oliver (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Boy is an only child.  I am an only child.  Ergo, The Boy is rarely around babies.  When our Fantastic Babysitter asked if it was OK to bring her nephew last week while watching the boy, I thought, “OK, this will be new…” I wasn’t worried. More like curious.

The Boy doesn’t make much contact with others, unless he knows you really well, or unless you are into something that he is into (i.e. computers, comics, etc.).  That somehow accelerates your friendship to the I’m-going-to-drag-you-by-the-arm-to-show-you-something stage.  In any case, I was curious to see if he would be curious about this (5 month old) baby.

For awhile after the divorce, he would talk sometimes about someday getting a brother or sister, and wouldn’t that be cool.  I honestly don’t remember how I responded to those comments, if I did at all.  I knew I was done (meaning no more babies), but I wasn’t going to rule out the ex’s side of things, and I know I wouldn’t have stepped into that minefield.

So Fantastic Babysitter arrived, with her nephew in his carrier, and of course, I couldn’t help myself.  I began cooing and generally making a fool of myself over the little bundle of cuteness.  The Boy was right behind me watching all of this, taking it in.  At one point he gently but possessively grabbed my arm.  I asked if he was jealous, and he ignored me.  He wandered about the kitchen as Fantastic Babysitter and I talked.  After kissing The Boy, and reminding him to behave, I headed for the door.  As I left, Fantastic Babysitter was asking The Boy what he wanted to do.

They ended up going to Chuck E. Cheese.  She is so Fantastic, she can handle a 5 month old and a boy with autism at that place!  I bow to her.  They had fun, and I beat them home.

But I got the biggest smile of the evening (possibly of the week) when she texted me that The Boy was referring to himself as Uncle as he explained to the baby about the car trip back home, and everything that they were doing.

It seems no one can resist the charm of a baby.