Author Archives: simpleijustdo

Queen of Procrastination

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By Portobellostreet

That’s what it should say on my nametag.  Yes, I have valid reasons for it many times, and in any case, I’m pretty sure it’s not something that’s going to change.  In this case, I have been procrastinating getting back into the exercise thing, thinking that if The Man and I set a date for a wedding, I’d have a great motivation and a goal all rolled into one, so why start exercising until we have that set?…

See how my mind works?

Well… We haven’t set a definite date.  And I realize that this is just procrastination in disguise.

After checking out this post and then this post over at zenhabits.net (I know, I KNOW, research on the internet is another not-so-clever disguise for procrastination, too!), I developed a plan, keeping in mind my previous insights into my own roadblocks to exercising, and the great points in the posts about triggers, motivation, and goals.

  1. Step One: go to bed earlier (9:30 instead of 10).  I had an epiphany when I realized there was no real reason to stay up until 10, as I am often tired before then.  The Man and I used to talk on the phone after The Boy’s bedtime, but we talk earlier in the evening now, ergo I do not have to stay up that late…
  2. Step Two: Three times per week, I will wake up 20 minutes early to fit in yoga, or the bike, or some other cardio or strength training (that I’ve probably found on Pinterest).
  3. My goal is to lose a few inches off my “hips”.  This is my trouble spot, and the reason my pants are starting to not-fit.
  4. Report: I will measure myself once a week, and post about it to you people (even if you don’t want to hear about it), because it’ll make me accountable (probably on the simpleijustdo.com facebook page).
  5. Reward: I will also reward myself if I meet my plan each week.  No food!  Just books, shoes or other mild obsessions…

I hope I’m ready for this!  I hope I can stick with it for awhile!

Starting measurement: 41″ (Ugh…)

Overwhelmed

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Transport of a house (photo taken in New Zealand)

Somehow this seems much easier…

It’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed these days.  I started to panic today when I realized it was already March (again – I’ve been doing this a few times a day since Friday), and we basically have three and a half months to prepare for one of the biggest moves of our lives.

Moving stinks.  Before the divorce, it seems like we moved just about every year.  I’m not sure why, but it was pretty awful.  Especially the time I was pregnant, and was not allowed to carry anything, and my ex-mother-in-law set up my kitchen…  I never, ever could find anything in that house.

When we moved to our current house, I was finally in charge, and all things considered, it was a pretty organized move.  I had help, of course, and hired movers.  This time around, I will also have help, and will not have to hire movers, which is a bonus.  The Man actually used to do this for a living back in the day, so that’s an even bigger bonus.

And the packing up won’t even be that difficult.  As I said, I’ve done it so many times, I could probably do it in my sleep, and find myself visually scanning each room even now, and making mental notes of things that will be donated/sold/freecycled or packed for the move.  Most of the moving checklists you find online suggest starting no later than 6 weeks before, and some as early as 12 weeks before.  Well, we’re at about 15, so you can see why I am feeling a little anxiety already.

No, the part that is on my mind the most are the details of life that will need to be taken care of: medical records, school records, bank accounts, change of address with all and sundry, insurance, drivers license and registration…  All of the minutiae that can be quite overwhelming.  Luckily I have some personal days that I can utilize between now and then to help me take care of the details.

If you have any moving tips, please share below.  I could use all the help I can get!

This Week (I can’t believe it’s March!)

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First Crocus from a few years ago

First Crocus from a few years ago

This week I am…

Re-Reading Emma by Jane Austen, second only to Pride and Prejudice in my book.

Watching Dr. Who on Netflix.  I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I enjoy it!  Campy, but fun.

Anticipating the end of next week, when my busiest time of year comes to an end.  Also, Spring Break when I get to head South again to see The Man, and our moving day in June which is fast approaching!

Listening to very little, and enjoying the quiet.

Lamenting my cracked fingernails, the fireplace pilot light not wanting to be re-lit, my way-too-long hair (I’m about 2 weeks overdue for a cut!), and this darned cold.

Trying to develop a new plan to work out, and pre-organize my kitchen.

Getting up the nerve to do my taxes.

In disbelief that I’m hearing birds chirping outside (and trying not to get too excited yet for the end of Winter – we have a solid 6 weeks left here).

Savoring any sleep I can get, quiet time with the boy, purposeful disruption to our routine (mostly trips to the convenience store), and not having to do anything today.

Happy Weekend, Everyone!

The Worst

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Being a single mom and being ill has to be one of the worst things to experience on the planet.  Feeling like crap?  Well too darn bad because your child needs to you to take of him like usual, and a child with autism doesn’t have a whole lot of empathy for your situation.  As The Boy told me a few years ago, “You can’t always get what you want, Mom.  Just like the Rolling Stones said.”

One of the other worst feelings in the world has got to be the panicky feeling you get when you can’t find daycare for your child.  Or in my case, evening care.  When you’ve exhausted your lineup of babysitters, and you don’t have a choice to miss whatever it is that necessitates a babysitter.

Yeah, I’m feeling both of those right now.  It’s pretty far from my happy place.  But I’m hoping to spend the weekend recuperating from this cold, and coming up with some magic solution to my evening-care problem.

Calgon, take me away!

Disability and Celebrity

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I’m sure you have seen the videos that have been popping up, slightly more frequently in recent years: some student with a disability making an amazing shot in basketball, because the coach told him to suit up for the last game of the season, or the boy with autism who was voted Homecoming King, or the many others that are out there.  You can often hear the crowd chanting the person’s name, and screaming wildly when the shot is made, or the name is announced.

My kid is a bit of a celebrity at his school.  Everyone seems to know his name: students, parents, even kids who are older and in middle school who live  in the neighborhood.  We go somewhere in town, and someone says hi to him and calls him by name, and I have no idea who it is, and many times, neither does he.  He’s a celebrity, partly because they have such good programs to “initiate” the general ed kids into what their ASD classmates are experiencing, and I think partly because he’s a “6th year” student at his school, having attended the same school all the way through elementary.  The longer you stay in one place, the more people with whom you come in contact.  That’s my theory, anyway.

But, I watch these videos, and I wonder.  I wonder if this “celebrity” is an entirely good thing.  I wonder if it would be even better if there was no news story, because it would be a matter of course for someone with a disability to win Homecoming King.  It would be a matter of course for kids with disabilities to compete in sports, perform in music programs, do whatever it is that typical kids do, and do it well.  And it would be a matter of course for our kids to have friends, rather than fans.

Until that day, I will continue to share these videos and spread the hope that they bring, because they do leave me hopeful, if not entirely satisfied.  I am always proud of the person in question, but I am so hopeful for those kids who are “fans” of the person in question.  I am hopeful that someday (if they haven’t already), they will realize that this person is real, and not a character.  A potential friend, rather than a celebrity.

Pre-Organizing My Kitchen

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The Man, The Boy and I went to our local IKEA store last week and walked out with… nothing!  For the first time ever (as far as I can recall), I walked out without buying a single thing!  But, I did pick up the IKEA Kitchen Dreambook, the Buying Guide called “Storage Solutions for Your Kitchen”, and the Kitchen Planning Guide, all free resources from IKEA.

free resourcesWe’re not buying a new kitchen anytime soon, but I have been looking for ideas about how best to organize the one we have (the one I’ll be moving my stuff into this year).  Because I know that, like goldfish, stuff tends to grow to fit its surroundings, and I don’t need more kitchen stuff.  I just need to store it in a smart way.

I haven’t given it a thought until now because my current kitchen is tiny.  As in, I have three drawers, and seven total cabinets.  Stuff is hidden, but once you open those cabinets and drawers, you’re on your own.  Good luck finding anything.

I also checked out the book, 1001 Ideas for Kitchen Organization by Joseph R. Provey in January (and I’ve renewed it so I can continue to ogle the pictures).  It also has many ideas for storage, even if you are just re-organizing and not building new, and has lots of how-tos for retro-fitting existing cabinets with new features to make them more functional.

My next step is to catalog all of the kitchen items that will be making the move, and classify them according to the three main work zones: cooking, washing, and storage (sounds like a perfect job for Excel – I know, I’m a dweeb).  Once I have that accomplished, I can start to allocate items to certain cabinets, so that when I pack them for the big move, I can pack them and  label them according to work zones, and even cabinets.

And finally, based on my planning, I can get The Man to work on retro-fitting our cabinets with pullout trays, lazy susans, and helper trays.

Tee-hee!

Crazy Busy Week

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Don't Worry - that's not my hairy arm! (stress by bottled_void)

Don’t Worry – that’s not my hairy arm! (stress by bottled_void)

This week is one of those where I just know I’m going to be stressed out, and after the huge meltdown this weekend, and The Man leaving, I’m rather dreading it.  I have an evaluation by my boss, multiple after school meetings that will last multiple hours, the landlord is due to come over to inspect the house to see what needed repairs there are, and I have an evening school event.  I also have to be “on call” for a nonprofit board meeting, you know, one that I backed out of because I was so busy this week…

The bright spot is a Girls’ Night Out right in the middle of the week — I just hope I can enjoy it with the rest of this going on.  And I hope the forecasted snowstorm doesn’t mess that up!

I also hope The Boy is OK with a babysitter for two nights in a row.  Usually it isn’t a problem, but after this weekend, I’m a little skittish.

All I can do is take it day by day, hour by hour, and just try to stay as calm as possible.  Oh, and remember to breathe.  And maybe stop for some sweet tea on the way to work, or pick up a magazine to read for the evening…

Anyone else a little crazy this week?

Another Huge Meltdown

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We don’t often see huge meltdowns from The Boy.  We are lucky.  Yesterday, we paid our dues.

We were at a big show in the downtown-big city, at a large convention center, and after being told he couldn’t do an activity because it was time to go home, The Boy started yelling.  I gave my purse to The Man and began walking The Boy to the front of the hall, towards the lobby.  He was yelling the whole time, and got away from me a couple of times, but I eventually got him out to the lobby.  I don’t know what I expected when I got there, but it surely wasn’t the full throttle, running, kicking, screaming (“I’m going to kill you!”, “I’m going to call the police!”), escaping, knocking-down-signs, knocking-down-mom kinda thing I got.

Yep, I got tossed, too.

The Boy is bigger, although he was plenty to handle the last time something like this happened.  I cannot just pick him up (or even attempt to) anymore.  At one point, I looked at The Man and said, “I don’t know what to do,” and there was nothing we could do.  We let it peter out, got him seated on the floor near the coat check, and then my brain kicked in.  He was not listening to me (all I was saying was “stop” because I knew he was too far gone to listen to anything else), so I got on the phone and called people I thought he might listen to.  I got a hold of his ASD teacher, who agreed to speak to him, and within a minute, he was ok enough to get his coat on so we could head home.

The Boy spoke to Fantastic Babysitter in the car on the way home for quite awhile, which was an excellent distraction, and had the desired calming effect.  When we got home, I let him be for awhile, and then we talked about what had happened.  I’m not satisfied that we’ve processed it properly, but I’m going to keep working on it.

The Man and I were shaken, but he was perfect.  He held my purse, and followed us (but not too closely!) during the whole thing, even speaking with a few people who were concerned.  He said this morning like he felt he hadn’t done enough, but he did — he helped me with the aftermath, my aftermath.  I was wrecked, emotional, and exhausted, and he took care of me.  That’s what I need from him — I need him to look after me, so that I’m OK to look after my son.

It was an emotional day, but I was proud of myself for remaining relatively calm, and not resentful of The Boy at all.  I felt so bad that we had a breakdown in communication, and I felt bad that he lost control.  I can only guess what that feels like, and I’m sure I wouldn’t like it.  I was proud of him for coming out of it, and I was proud of The Man for how he handled himself.  Now I need to go see what I can do about these sore muscles…

Give Me A Break

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Still, after six years, I cannot stop the self-recrimination that results from one of The Boy’s meltdowns: “I should have anticipated (fill in the blank)”.  It’s a constant subconscious stream of things I should have or could have done to avoid the situation, and why was I so stupid to forget them.

Of course, I don’t really think I’m stupid.  But in the heat of the moment, I blame myself for not being capable enough.

So here is my message to myself in the future when I feel this way (feel free to use it yourself, but you might want to insert your own name for maximum effect):

“Hey, Annie! Guess what? You can’t anticipate everything!! It’s not physically nor mentally possible. There’s no way you could know that xy&z were going to happen, causing The Boy to do ab&c. Stuff happens. You just have to do the best you can, try to roll with the ‘stuff’ as best you can, and hope that it will pass soon. Breathe…”

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.  I know I’ll need to hear (read) it in the future.  I just hope I listen.

The Angry Ex: Personal Attacks

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The ex hasn’t paid child support since November.  I know how the system works, and at the two month mark, I called our state system and asked what we could do.  The lady on the phone initiated action, and told me to expect notification of the action in the mail in four to six weeks.  In the meantime, the promises from the ex rolled in, explaining that he was supposed to get his tax refund, so I should see the full amount owed in the account as of this Friday (and to let him know when it posted).  And then it was, OK, it should be in there this Friday.  And then there was no text or phone call for a couple of weeks (and, funny enough, no money, either!).

Today, a payment of $100 showed as being posted.  I admit I poked the bear, but sometimes I have to tell it like it is.  I texted him, “So, not the full amount, huh?”  I just get tired of the incessant lies, and he did ask me to report about what was posted…

What came next was a barrage of personal attacks and excuses, trying to explain the various payments he claims to have made, and asking me if his girlfriend’s kids should suffer so that I could be more comfortable.  You know one of those “1 of 3” texts.

Oh, I was tempted to respond in kind, but instead, I stuck with the facts.  I reported to him that the money he said he had deposited hadn’t posted, and that we had only seen $100 on our end.

He retorted with even more personal attacks and excuses, and I didn’t respond (but I did take a screenshot of the texts!).

You see, even though the personal attacks were directed at me, they weren’t about me.  He has anger issues, he enjoys conflict, and is quick to blame anyone else besides himself for his situation.  This time it was his girlfriend’s car troubles.  Next time it will be something (or someone) else.  In any case, it’s not my problem.  He has a financial responsibility to his son, and that’s not going to go away.

And I got my copy of the notification of action taken against him today.  I’m so glad I’m not alone in holding him responsible.