First Day Report

Posted on November 26, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy had a great first day. I received a note in his planner reporting on it, and an email from his new band teacher saying he did very well, and pointing out that we could work on the rests (and listen to recordings of the tunes on the band’s website).

Just like The Boy’s but his would never, ever be found on the ground like that!

This, THIS is what I’ve been looking for. The Boy had a communication log in elementary, and while I know that middle school is different, this communication about his day is essential to me if I want to know what’s going on. He did struggle in social studies today (of course!), and I’m not sure what that means yet, but we’ll figure it out and get him there.He was super excited to be at his new school, and to ride the van that is his transportation to and from school. He gets to go directly to Grammy and Poppy’s house after school, and everything in that arena worked just as it should. Longer rides, but he isn’t the only kid in the van, and The Boy seemed happy.

I’m happy.

I think this just might work.

Big Meeting with Big Wigs = Big Deal

Posted on October 22, 2013 by simpleijustdo

This Thursday, I have a big meeting at The Boy’s school to first review and update his IEP (necessary only because when you move to a new state, they follow the previous IEP for 30 days, and then completely re-do it to fit their own needs), and second, to determine if he will be switching schools.

The county (district) has a pilot program that is housed at a different middle school across the county. It is for kids with autism who do well academically, but need help with social skills and organization. My friends here have suggested it for The Boy, the county specialist has suggested it for The Boy, and I thought, “Yes, this sounds perfect for The Boy, especially in light of the fact that no one at his current school even knows what autism is…”

So we got the ball rolling, and the county specialist asked the program teacher to come and observe The Boy… and that’s where we hit a snag.

The program teacher said she wouldn’t recommend him for the program, by and large because of the size of the pilot program’s school – it is much larger than his current school, although not much larger than the school he came from up north, I’d like to point out. The specialist said we would meet to review his IEP, and then the team would make a decision about whether he could go, or whether he should stay where he is.

And now, I’ve been notified that “the team” now includes the usual characters, as well as the assistant director for special education in the county, and both the principal and assistant principal from the pilot program’s school…

Um… what?

Why has this blown up into something so huge? We’re talking about admitting one little 6th grader into your pilot program… I don’t get it. I can’t begin to fathom their intentions, and to be honest, it’s intimidating. I’d like to bring an advocate, but for several reasons, that isn’t an option right now.

I’m meeting with my “allies” after school today so that we can plan our “strategy”. It disgusts me that this is how special education in the public schools works. Our kids deserve better. My kid deserves better.

Wish me luck…

New Friends, New Opportunities

Posted on September 30, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy and I went over for a “playdate” of sorts with some new friends from our local chapter of the Autism Society. The Boy had gone to summer camp with this boy, and I’ve leaned on his mom quite a bit through our schooling struggles. The boys had a blast – it was very neat to see The Boy getting along so well with kids his own age (or thereabouts), and I was grateful just to have the chance to do it, and the chance for him to make some real friends, something he hasn’t yet done at school.

And I can’t overlook the chance for me to make friends. It can be a bit lonely moving away from almost everyone you know. I still love my friends from up north, but I can’t hang out with them by any means, and so I spend a lot of time by myself, especially being underemployed. It doesn’t lend itself to maintaining your sanity, let’s just say, so it was nice to get out and just hang out with someone, especially someone who really gets what I’m going through right now.

The last time he rode the bus, The Boy was in kindergarten…

One of the things we have been talking about has been a possible switch in schools for The Boy. We’re hoping to get him into a pilot program at a middle school across the county which is aimed at high functioning kids on the spectrum. It happens to be housed where our new friends go to school (across the county, requiring busing), and New Friend’s Mom can’t say enough good things about the special ed staff, who really seem to know autism, front and back. So, we are pursuing it, because his current school is still not following his IEP, and seem to be taking their sweet time even implementing any of the county specialists recommendations.

It would be a tremendous transition, again, and we have weighed that into the decision, but at this point, I strongly feel he is not in the correct placement, and I’m ready to fight to get him into this program (even though I don’t think I will really need to).

So keep your fingers crossed for The Boy. New opportunities may be on the horizon that would be much better in the long run, but may be a little painful at first. Just another day on the spectrum.

5 Tips to Being the Best Mom Ever

Posted on September 25, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I don’t claim to be the best mom ever, but I did have the best mom ever, so I have some familiarity with the subject. This list is from the perspective of a mom of a tween, so bear that in mind. I still think it applies at many levels of development (both yours and his):

Never stop showing them how much you love them. I’m lucky that The Boy still allows me to hug him, kiss his face, and cuddle him from time to time. He even holds my hand sometimes! I tell him I love him when I wake him up, when I say goodnight, and any other time I feel like it. To me, it never loses its meaning.
Try to remember what it’s like. The Boy is in middle school, and unfortunately, I remember middle school. No one wants to re-live it because it’s not a fun time for anyone. When I can remember this, I am much more compassionate towards him.
Put down the phone. Step away from the TV. I still struggle with this, and truthfully, he does, too. But we have so much more fun, and make so many more memories when we spend time together, often outside, doing stuff. And that’s what builds relationships.
Make him a priority. Notice I didn’t say the highest priority. But moms need to be involved and know what’s going on in a child’s life. If you don’t know every teacher’s name, and who he gets along with best, you’re behind. You don’t need to be a nuisance (like I am becoming, albeit for very good reasons), but you need to show through your actions that you are present, to both your child, and the school. Education works so much better that way. Trust me.
Try not to take it personally. When he gets snippy or disrespectful, doesn’t want to hold your hand, or seems aloof, it isn’t you. He’s figuring it all out, so give him the space to do so, while realizing that every kid does this. He still loves you, and may even like you 😉 Conversely, when his behavior needs to be corrected, take the personal out of it. Pretend you are the teacher (you know — the one that can’t scream back at a kid or curse) calmly trying to teach him a lesson about life… Because that’s exactly what you are.

As I said, I don’t claim to be the best mom ever, but I’m the best one The Boy’s ever had 😉 I’ve seen a lot of good moms during my time in the classroom, and I had the best mom ever growing up. The biggest thing to remember is this:

No one is the best every day. Just keep trying.

Your kids will love you for it.

Amidst the Angst, I’m Really Thankful

Posted on September 5, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I know lots of people do “Thankful Thursday” posts, but I wanted to pause in my week-long rant/neurosis/panic attack about The Boy and our concerns with his current schooling situation to express how really lucky I am.

I’m so happy that we’ve moved. We have a very, very nice home that is paid for – no mortgage, no rent. This has allowed me to avoid panicking about still being virtually unemployed.
I’m so happy to be married to my husband. We waited a long time to be together on a daily basis, and now that we are, I still have to pinch myself from time to time.
I’m so grateful to have a partner to help me with the daily routine. He’s still learning about The Boy, especially now that we are all in such close proximity, but it’s not all on me anymore, which was a heavy burden to bear.
I’m so happy that we are so close to my parents. They are some of my closest friends on the planet, and having them 15 minutes away is something I haven’t had in a long, long time (and The Boy hasn’t ever had!).
I’m thankful that I have enough in the bank to lean on until I start getting paid regularly, and until I find a more meaningful, full-time position.
I’m really grateful that I have the time, background, and fortitude to do what’s apparently necessary for my son’s education.
I’m so thankful that my son had such a good education up north, which has shown us that he is capable, and that he has this solid foundation on which to build in middle and high school.
I’m happy that my son is apparently enjoying middle school, even if he isn’t getting everything out of it that he could be right now.
I’m really glad to have a fledgling support network down here: even though I don’t know many people, I have hooked up with some great people in our local Autism Society chapter who have been so helpful to answer questions and offer support.
And I am so thankful for my boy. He makes me laugh just about every day, even on the days he makes my head spin, and my eyes roll. I don’t know where I’d be without him!

Deep breath. I have a lot to be thankful for! 😀

First Day

Posted on August 26, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The backpack is packed, and the clothes sorter is full. The new fake glasses have had their lenses popped out. New shoes, men’s size 8, have been purchased, and as far as I can tell, we are as ready for The Boy’s first day of 6th grade, first day at a new school, as we will ever be. I know what time I want to leave tomorrow morning down to the minute, and I know the times for everything on our agenda up to that point. And I know what time to be at the school for pickup to avoid traffic in the parking lot.

I just don’t know what will happen in between drop-off and pickup.

I hope it’s a bunch of patient people, friendly faces, compassion, competence, and good experiences.

Good luck to all the students and teachers heading back to school, and to the helpless but hopeful parents left behind!

The Boy’s self portrait

First Contact: Middle School

Posted on August 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Today, we met with the principal at The Boy’s new school.

I went in knowing that they don’t have all of the programs and supports that his previous school had, but hoping to get a feel for the size of the classes and the flexibility they have to accommodate The Boy’s needs. We were also hoping to get a peek at the school so The Boy could become a little familiar – the more of those before school actually starts, the better!

Tomlinson Middle School New General Classroom

(not The Boy’s real classroom)

I was very pleasantly surprised. Our new principal (besides being an old friend of The Man) was very personable, and very open about their programs. He was very reassuring and informative about the various ways they can meet The Boy’s needs. And as I very well know, the principal’s attitude sets the tone for the staff. Having someone as caring and open as this man in our corner reassures me a great deal.

We spoke about placements, and what worked at The Boy’s previous school. We talked about class size (Only 70 6th graders in the whole class!) and personnel. We talked about The Boy’s interests and motivators, and what exploratory classes he might be interested in. And The Boy seemed very happy to meet this nice principal. This man doesn’t know it yet, but The Boy cares a great deal about the person in the principal position: what he thinks, and how he enforces the rules in his school.

All in all, I feel more hopeful than I did before. Hopeful that this just might work, and The Boy may thrive in this environment, too, even though it is so different.

Eleven and a Half

Posted on July 30, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Eleven and a half is such a strange age. He seems like a giant, adult-like person from a distance, and then I get closer (sometimes only when he’s sleeping), and he seems like such a little child, albeit in a body that is almost as tall as mine.

And his actions and emotions are equally dichotomous – sometimes very mature and sober, and others toddler-like and silly. I’m sure I have a wistful, “Where did my baby go?” face, because he catches me looking at him and puts on his, “Mom, you’re looking at me weird” face.

The specter of Middle School is hitting me, because I am going to attempt to register him today.

Am I ready for this? Is he? It doesn’t matter because it’s happening whether we want it to or not. He wants it to, and I… I just want him to be happy and productive. How many middle schoolers does that describe? How many people want to re-live the good old days of middle school? Very few. I have a bit of experience with it after having taught there for almost half my life, and it is a struggle (at least in some fashion) for the great majority of the population.

I worry. And I miss my baby. And change is hard. But he and I are strong people, and together with The Man, we’ll get through it. Somehow.

That’s My Boy!

Posted on January 16, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Tonight was The Boy’s first full-blown band concert. He is in 5th grade and was able to start playing an instrument in band this year. He wanted to play tuba, but settled for the baritone (euphonium) when they wouldn’t let him start on his first choice. At first, I couldn’t get him to practice, but lately, it hasn’t been so difficult, especially when I play with him.

If you didn’t know, this is what I do all day long. I teach band in middle school, and to have my own son finally have his chance to play an instrument has been an experience. My kid has been that kid that doesn’t practice, and doesn’t turn in practice time, and forgets to bring his book home. My kid. *sigh*

But tonight, he got to see the middle school and high school bands play, and he stayed in his seat, paying attention for the whole concert.

It’s huge. I’m not just being that mom when I say he’s got a great ear, and I really should have started him on piano ages ago. He plays stuff by ear from time to time, did really well with recorder last year, and in general loves music.

Tonight, the high school pep band played Seven Nation Army, which is a tune by the White Stripes. The Boy knows this song because it’s on my iPod, but it starts with the tubas playing the melody, and he turned and caught my eye as soon as he heard it with this big, open-mouthed grin, and… I turned into my mom (no offense, Mom!) — we always joked that she cried at parades (she really did), and there I was, tearing up because The Boy had a look of such pure joy at the sound of a tuba…

Anyway, this is him – the one in the center of the picture with the (fake) glasses and the green shirt, my budding musician, the star of my show:

Congrats, Little Man, on what I hope is the first of many concerts!

Body Image, Cellulite, and The Man’s Perspective

Posted on October 23, 2012 by simpleijustdo

Scale (Photo credit: vividBreeze)

I’m getting older. I know this not because I actually know how old I am in years – I am already to that point where I don’t consciously think about how many years I have been alive and often have to do the math to figure out the correct number. I know this because I had to go buy a new pair of pants the other day because I needed a bigger size. And when I looked in the mirror (something I don’t have in my room, nor do I own a scale) I saw the cellulite I have seen making its way into the limelight over the past year. I saw it plain as day, and I was, for the first time since middle school, a bit ashamed of my body.

Middle school was a rough time (wasn’t it for everyone?). I am still in middle school, as a teacher, and I know intimately that no one wants to relive it. As a student, I struggled with how others viewed me as much as the next kid, if not more. I look back remembering the whole time period as angst-ridden about my appearance, when in actuality, there were maybe three incidents that were burned into my memory, forever tarnishing the whole experience. Magically, I turned a corner in high school and never looked back, consciously deciding not to give a rip about what anyone thought about how I looked. That is not to say that I did not care about my appearance, but I didn’t ever dress or do anything else to my body to please anyone besides myself.

Until now. Here I am, for the first time since then, looking at my own body with self-doubt, wondering how long The Man will find me attractive, and if I will continue to gain weight, getting fatter and fatter… Part of my problem is that I never had a weight problem, and never worked out. Why would I if I didn’t need to? Don’t hate, please, if you have struggled with weight. Just like we shouldn’t scorn those who are heavier than us, we also shouldn’t scorn those who are thinner than us. I had nothing to do with it, it was just how it was. And now that I really could use the exercise, it is a foreign concept to me, and it has been hard to incorporate into my already hectic schedule. Something else will have to go if I am to add regular exercise to my schedule, and I’m not sure what I can afford to leave behind to make room. It won’t be sleep. That I can tell you for sure. I will not be waking up earlier than I do, nor will I be staying up later. Something else will have to give.

In any case, The Man reassures me that I have nothing to fear in regard to whether or not he still finds me attractive. According to him, while a woman is running through a litany of things in her mind that her man might not find attractive (Can he see the cellulite on my thighs? How about the hair growing out of that mole? My cuticles in need of a manicure? That pimple on my nose? My split ends?) The man looks at her and thinks, “Wow! I get to touch her boobies!”

Ha!

Take that, cellulite!