Small Victories at the Dinner Table

One of my ongoing concerns with The Boy is his diet.  He would eat pizza 24/7 if he could, and never seems to tire of it.  He doesn’t eat anything green, drinks very little milk, and on top of it all, eats like a bird.  The homemade lunchables work fairly well (when I have the gumption to put one together, and not just send in a hotpocket with some applesauce – argh!), although we have been stuck with bagel pizzas.  But we have thrown a few newer things in with the pizzas like whole wheat bagels, ham pieces, and carrots.  I’ve also managed to get him to eat some summer sausage, cheese, and whole wheat crackers in his lunch, as well.  Baby steps.

Dinner is a different story.  I often try to get him to at least taste what I am eating, and I can usually get him to do that.  He will eat pork chops if I make them, and certain (okay maybe 1 or 2) chicken recipes, but NO vegetables, and only sometimes potatoes.  Last night, I intended to make a chicken crock pot meal, based on a new pinterest recipe I had found until I realized on the way home from the grocery store that my chicken was still in the freezer, and we wouldn’t eat until midnight if I tried it.  I made the mental switch to a different pinterest recipe which looked super simple, using hummus.  The trick was, I had already told The Boy about the first recipe, asked if he would eat it because it had cream cheese (anything with cheese is OK in his book), and he had said YES.  I didn’t tell him about the change of plans.  I simply served up the chicken, with a side of zucchini and summer squash, and…  He ate all the chicken!! (It was really good!) Then I told him he could have some cheezits if he ate one of the “green things”.  He ate it, realized it didn’t taste like much of anything, and when I asked if he knew what it was, said that he didn’t.  When I told him, he said, “I just ate a zucchini?!”

Yes, little man, you did.  And hummus, too.

Score one for me!

This is all that was left of the hummus-crusted chicken with zucchini and squash

This is all that was left of the hummus-crusted chicken with zucchini and squash

A Pleasant Surprise

Here’s the shocker: The Boy actually went to his dad’s for a whole two weeks, and they had a great time.  And his dad actually spent time with him, rather than working and foisting his son onto his girlfriend or his mother (of course, he’s been laid off, so I’m not sure it was a conscious choice, but it’s something).  They went sledding, bowling, and to an aviation museum, and I think, just maybe, the ex is starting to realize what a neat kid we made together.

I’m not saying he’s a changed man.  The Boy came home with cat scratches covering his hands, and his boots were left behind.  A hearing is about to be scheduled for nonpayment of child support, and the ex is talking about paying for two plane tickets to come and gather The Boy after we move.  (I don’t really see the second half of that sentence happening because of the first part of that sentence).  But I’m hoping that the ex has come to understand how important it is for him to see his son (more than he did in 2012), and I’m hoping he has come to understand that it isn’t up to me to make sure that happens.

As I said, only time will tell.  But it is nice to get a pleasant surprise once in awhile!

The Boy and his dad

Resolutions

Never really make ’em.  Mostly because by their very definition they are doomed to fail, right?  I mean it has been pretty rare for me to make a change mid-school year and have it stick.

However, it is a good time to remind oneself of the things one had hoped to do the previous year.  The things one hoped to do and didn’t quite.  Not failures, per se, but the oh-yeah-i-ran-out-of-time-to-do-that kind of things.  The challenge is to re-evaluate, decide on priority, and either make the time, or let them go.

Yes.  Some of them need to be let go.  Ladies, Fellow Teachers, Perfectionists, some goals need to fall by the wayside.  We are constantly changing people – I know I am not the same person I was last January.  Priorities change, needs change, and even wants change.  Our goals need to change with them.

Among those things on which I will continue to work? Spending less time being sedentary, more time being active.  Engaging with my son more.  Eating homemade food more.  Keeping better track of my nutrition.

HNY

New goals? Try not to spend too much time getting sucked into wedding ideas and propaganda.  (Think small, and then divide that by 10 – that’ll be us.  Very little to plan means very little to get worked up about, which also means very little stress.  That’s my ideal!) Try not to procrastinate about important move details, and get ducks in a row as early as possible.  Try not to be too sad while The Man and I are apart – the end of the LD in our LDR is near!

What are you thinking about for 2013?

 

What’d I Miss?…

Here’s a recap of the top posts for December, plus one oldie but goodie:

  • No Offense, But… about how this phrase really needs to be put to rest, because despite its “intent”, whatever comes next will ultimately offend you.
  • Happy Day about The Man’s surprise Christmas morning proposal *sigh* 😀
  • I Don’t Want My Kid To Be Normal about how special needs parents need to set their sites on different goals for their children
  • Parties about how normal, everyday birthday parties can cause much angst among we special needs parents
  • The Angry Ex about how to deal with an ex who is less than civil

Hope you are having a fantastic start to your workweek!  Only 10 more Mondays until Spring!

Winter at the Beach

All Wrong

I just realized I did this all wrong.  I mentioned before about the day I have to drive away being the worst. And I let myself be a baby and cry all I want.  That day is today.  And I should’ve pampered myself a little.  I should have reserved a little nicer room, something to take the sting out of this awful, awful feeling and the tears that pop up at every little thing.

But tomorrow will be better.  I will get The Boy back after two weeks (TWO WEEKS!), and I will get to see his smiling face and hear his laugh again.

And as The Man has reminded me several times today (he always calls me a few times on this day, I think to try to cheer me up), there are only about five months until we don’t have to do this anymore.  Which is really something good, because this gets so much harder every single time.

So tonight I will watch sappy Lifetime and Oxygen movies, do my nails, and hang out in my bathrobe in my hotel room.  Tomorrow, I pick up my little partner and chip away at those last five months.

Hindsight

Frosty Morning

It’s a frosty morning in the South, and my last day of vacation before I make the long trek North into the snow. The Man and I are headed to one of our favorite towns to enjoy the sunshine and relatively warmer weather (we hope!) today. What are you all up to?

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Full Inclusion = Extreme School

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For the life of me, I cannot figure out why educators insist on sameness.

We spend most of a child’s formative years insisting to them that they are special, they are unique, they are individuals with a right to their own ways of being.  And then they go to school…

They go to school and learn to become like everyone else, learning the same things, at the same pace, regardless of where their interests, talents, and abilities lie.  Every student must take algebra, every student must take foreign language, every student will be proficient in x, y, and z.

I’m not sure when the trend toward standardization began in schools, although I have a feeling it’s been there since the beginning, because it’s easier and cheaper than individualizing instruction.  The inherent problem with this is that kids are people, and there are no two people who are exactly the same.  Therefore, everyone has special needs.  I need a map if you are giving me directions, otherwise I will get hopelessly lost.  The Man learns by doing – you can give him all the instructions you want, but he needs to play Euchre before he can actually learn all the rules.  The Boy needs breaks and incentives throughout his day to get his work done.  And he needs alone time with an electronic device to decompress.

So why the soapbox post today?

Recently, I have heard some teachers in full-inclusion situations say things like, “They do just fine, until they don’t,” or “He’s on those video games as soon as he gets into the car after school.  I wish his mom wouldn’t use them as a crutch, a babysitter.”  In the full-inclusion world, any kid that visits the resource room more than 45 minutes a week is “severe”.

Think about some part of your daily work that requires all of your concentration and effort.  Now think about doing that task for six hours a day.

My kid with autism works so hard at being like the other kids in the classroom, and he has made great strides.  There are still times where he escapes, lashes out, or just isn’t absorbing much, but he is working really hard.  His ASD classroom provides a space for him to just be without the trappings of societal expectations.  Does that mean the learning stops?  NO, in fact, more learning goes on in that room because he doesn’t have to try to be someone he isn’t.  In the ASD room (some may call it a resource room), they have the ability to slow down, speed up, back up, and stop if necessary, providing those little pit stops on the way to encourage the work being done.  My kid with autism has thrived with this IEP recipe.

And maybe that kid with autism who is on the video games in the car is seeking respite from working his butt off in your classroom all day long.  Maybe his mom lets him have that time to be himself because that’s what’s best for him.

Is full inclusion bad?  No.  Of course there are kids who will thrive in that set-up!  We want our kids to have full access to the curriculum and the right to full inclusion if that’s what’s best.  But I’m not sure why it has to be all or nothing for every kid — It’s pretty rare when “all or nothing” is a good idea in education.

Goodbye, 2012

I suppose everyone has their own year-end list, but mine might be a bit different.

This year, I am thankful for

  • The Boy adapting so well to 5th grade, and making such big strides in terms of independence
  • My deepening relationship with The Man, now taking that next step
  • Finding balance between work and home, most days
  • The love and support of my friends and family, who remain incredibly supportive of our upcoming major life changes
  • You people!  Yes, you all, who are so supportive of my blog.  I LOVE doing this, and while I would still do it if no one was reading, it makes it that much more fun and satisfying that people are enjoying it.

I hope you, too, have much to be thankful for about 2012, and even more to be thankful for in the coming year.

Happy New Year!!

Ohio River

 

Missing

The Boy is at his dad’s and has been for about a week.  He sounds happy and relatively tired when I talk to him on the phone each night.  While I miss him a bit, I am still savoring the respite: besides a few days this summer (Thank you, Fantastic Babysitter!) and a few days in June (Thank you, Grammy & Poppy!), this is the first extended break I’ve had since February.  In fact, by the end of this next week, it will be the longest time I can remember being separated from The Boy, ever.  For the same reason that I don’t feel guilty for being a working mom, and for the same reason I don’t feel guilty when I have the rare opportunity to go out with friends or The Man, I don’t feel guilty about enjoying this time right now.

This makes me a better mom.

respite

Without this time away, the threshhold for frustration gets dangerously low, and a whole range of negative emotions starts brewing.

The Man and I do feel like something (someone, more like) is missing at times, and we get bored a little more easily.  Ask me in three days, and I will definitely be missing The Boy fiercely.  But for right now, it feels good to not really have to worry about meds, schedules, and sharp crayons.  And The Boy is actually spending time with his dad.  It’s a win-win.

The Previously Preempted Christmas Post

The Man’s proposal certainly surprised me, and preempted my Christmas post.  Not that I mind…  So here’s the post that was originally supposed to air.

The Man isn’t big on Christmas, which has caused some friction in the almost-three years we’ve been dating.  I love Christmas!  Not in a must-decorate-the-house-witihin-an-inch-of-its-life kind of way, but an I-really-dig-finding-just-the-right-thing-for-everyone-on-my-list kind of way.  You probably already know this about me, but I digress.

The Man, however, has a lot of anxiety about gift-giving, as well as other issues with Christmas in general, and can sometimes get downright depressed about it.  I have treated him gently, been very cognizant about his needs, and I’m pretty sure I have rubbed off on him a bit, meaning he’s not as big of a Scrooge as he used to be.

Last year, it came up in conversation that his beloved grandmother, who helped raise him, had one of those all-silver trees that she would decorate with either red or blue bulbs, depending on the year, complete with the rotating light shining on it.  He expressed fond memories of this tree.  “Wait, fond memories of something having to do with Christmas?” I thought to myself, “We gotta get on that!”

A few months later, we were in Marietta, Ohio for Thanksgiving, and walked into a chocolate shop where a silver tree just like his grandmother’s was in the window.  He started a lengthy conversation with the shop owner, fondly reminiscing about his grandmother’s tree, yet again.

After that, I looked them up online to see how much they were, but unfortunately found them to be rather expensive, being truly antiques and all.

And then

And then, I posted about it on facebook, and a few hours later, Fantastic Babysitter responded to my post that her parents were interested in getting rid of just such a tree that they had in their attic!  Not wanting to get my hopes up too high, I asked her about it, and asked how much they wanted for it.  She said they wouldn’t want any money for it.

Ask and ye shall receive!

She brought the tree over, and I got out some rags and brasso, and spent an afternoon in my living room, listening to the Peanuts and Muppets Christmas albums, and shining up every single branch on that tree.

Shining up the tree!

When I gave it to the Man last Christmas, he was speechless, almost moved to tears, and said it was quite possibly the best Christmas gift he had ever gotten.

And this year, it is up in our new house, bulbs, light and all.  He is very proud of it, and you know what?  No Scrooge to be found this year!

tree

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season!  Sending much love and good will to all of you!