Here’s the shocker: The Boy actually went to his dad’s for a whole two weeks, and they had a great time. And his dad actually spent time with him, rather than working and foisting his son onto his girlfriend or his mother (of course, he’s been laid off, so I’m not sure it was a conscious choice, but it’s something). They went sledding, bowling, and to an aviation museum, and I think, just maybe, the ex is starting to realize what a neat kid we made together.
I’m not saying he’s a changed man. The Boy came home with cat scratches covering his hands, and his boots were left behind. A hearing is about to be scheduled for nonpayment of child support, and the ex is talking about paying for two plane tickets to come and gather The Boy after we move. (I don’t really see the second half of that sentence happening because of the first part of that sentence). But I’m hoping that the ex has come to understand how important it is for him to see his son (more than he did in 2012), and I’m hoping he has come to understand that it isn’t up to me to make sure that happens.
As I said, only time will tell. But it is nice to get a pleasant surprise once in awhile!
At least, that’s one theory about what’s going on (or not going on, as the case may be).
I texted the ex: “We need to talk about Christmas so that we are on the same page”. He responded, “Sounds good. I will call Friday night around 7 if that’s ok”. I replied, “We’re going to the movies for Fun Friday… How about 8?” His response, “That will work. Talk to ya then.”
Sounds like a pretty cordial conversation, right? The most cordial we’ve had all year, in fact. The outcome? No call around 8pm. In fact, he didn’t call until over an hour later, and I didn’t answer. I was already on the phone, and even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have responded. Am I playing games? No. I am showing him that my time is valuable, and when we make an agreement, he needs to stick to it. Just like if I let him swear at me, and continue talking to him, that communicates to him that it’s OK to swear at me. If I answer the phone when he calls an hour late, that communicates to him that it’s just fine for him to do that, and it’s not. I’m not trying to control his behavior, but I am trying to get him to be respectful in his dealings with me.
He left a voicemail saying, “Sorry for not calling right at 8, I got busy. I’ll try giving you another call tomorrow.”
He never called back. We’ll keep trying, I suppose.