Tag Archives: Neurodevelopmental

Tackling a Few Myths About Autism

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How can there still be so much misinformation about autism?  I understand that there is a lot of research going on, and there is still a lot that is unknown, but really?  Here are a few common misconceptions:

  • People with autism do not have empathy.

My son has empathy.  There have been times (like on my birthday a few years ago), where I thought he lacked a shred of it, but there have been times that he has comforted me when I was crying or upset, or just needed a hug.  In fact there are many who will say that people on the spectrum have too much empathy, and that is why they have to distance themselves from others, because they just feel too much.  I particularly like Diary of a Mom’s post on this subject.

  • People with autism are either really good at things or really bad at things.

I believed this one for awhile, too, thinking The Boy was just really, really smart.  At everything.  And he is extremely bright.  But you know what?  He doesn’t get math too well.  He has a great ear for music, is a wonderful speller, doesn’t like to read a whole bunch, although he can, and at a high level of comprehension.  But math is not his best subject.  I used to think it was because he didn’t like it, which is partly true.  Truth be told, he struggles with it, and I’m not sure I can say it’s just because he’d rather be playing video games.  But he doesn’t fail math either.  In fact, he usually gets Cs.

  • People with autism do not have good eye contact.

This is one of the reasons I was not so sure he was on the spectrum in the very early days.  In everything I had heard, this was the number one “sign your child may have autism” and it just didn’t bear true for The Boy.  He was a happy, giggly boy, and did not avoid eye contact as an infant, toddler, or small child.  It is more apparent now, but this is not a hard and fast rule for all children on the spectrum, by any means.

Happy, Giggly Eye Contact

  • People with autism may not have it forever.

This site, which attempts to address some myths about autism, actually has this listed as fact, rather than a myth!  This is basic stuff, here people.  There is no cure.  Autism is a neurological disorder, and you cannot “fix” a neurological disorder.  You can, with early intervention and therapy “retrain the brain” to function more typically, but autism is for keeps. And this “research that shows you may outgrow autism” consists of one study.  With fewer than 40 participants.  What’s really at work here is those early interventions and therapies allowing those with autism to be able to function more typically in society, rather than not having autism anymore.  They just hide it better.  (Won’t it be a great day when our children don’t have to hide their true selves?)

What are some other myths you’ve encountered?

Meltdowns, Blame & Brains

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The glasses we found in Myrtle Beach broke.  In the parking lot to The Boy’s favorite restaurant the other night – the lens had been popping off, and it popped off onto the concrete, and promptly broke into pieces.  He flipped out, obviously upset.  I tried to quickly calm him, but it was a no go.  It escalated, and I had to physically manhandle him into the car.  Then, because we were headed home, everything was my fault.  I broke his glasses by “punching them” with my fist!  I am the “meanest mom ever”!  I “hate” my son, and “want to kill” him as soon as we get home!

Through all this I was silent.  We got home and the harangue continued for a short while.  I sat down and pointedly ignored the ongoing outburst.  He came over to me, attempting a hug, all the the while still blaming me for his misfortune.  At one point he asked what it would take to be allowed to go back to the restaurant.  I told him I needed him to calm down, and I needed an apology.  The first apology I got was pretty backhanded, and so I explained that he had hurt my feelings with the things he had said.  I reminded him that I love him no matter what, and then he apologized for hurting my feelings and blaming me for the broken glasses.  After he had calmed a bit, we headed back to the restaurant and had a nice dinner.  At one point on the way home (again), he said all of the “hims” inside his head had made him think wrong about what had happened.  I asked how many were in his head, and he said, “Millions!”  I said they’d have to be very small to fit a million little versions of him in his head, to which he replied that they were microscopic, and you could only see them with a microscope.

He seemed to be joking, but sometimes the things he thinks up boggle me.  I can’t even begin to fathom how his mind works and processes information.  There’s a video on upworthy about having “empathy”, and “what it can be like for people with autism” – maybe you’ve seen it floating around facebook.  My mom brought up a good point, saying unless it was produced by a person with autism, wouldn’t it just be an NT assumption about what it would be like to have autism?  Yes!… But then The Boy watched it and said, “Hey! That’s just like real life!”

I don’t know if I will ever get used to not knowing what goes on inside that head.

This ultrasound shot of The Boy's Brain is probably the closest I'll ever get...

This ultrasound shot of The Boy’s Brain is probably the closest I’ll ever get…

A Look Back at October

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Can you believe it’s November?  Here are some of the top posts from October you may have missed: One of the Toughest Things The irony of autism is its unpredictability, when the person with autism craves predictability… Birthdays Past and … Continue reading →

One of the Toughest Things

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One of the toughest things about autism is its unpredictability, which has a certain sense of irony, doesn’t it?  The person with autism relies on predictability, craves it, seeks it out, and yet the disorder itself, for those of us on the outside, has it’s own set of rules, or more like a general sense of chaos.  Just when you think your kid has a handle on the process of setting out clothes the night before, and understanding that we can’t wait until bedtime to decide to wear something already in the dirty clothes, here comes a  curveball: “Where’s the sweatshirt that goes with these pants?”  You know, the sweatshirt that got donated a year ago because it had a blob of glue on it…

And I have no solution.  I try to distract, suggest alternatives, to no avail.  “I’ll just spend all night looking for it,” says he.  No, no you won’t.  You’re going to be miserable, making me miserable until you pass out, which most likely will not be until the wee hours of the morning.  And I can only hope you can move past this in the morning, or the first hour of my morning will be a trial, too.

Damn you, sweatshirt-with-the-blob-of-glue.  Damn you.

Sunday Shout-Out: My New-ish Community

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Since I started this blog in July, I have come across some really fantastic people who are also blogging about having kids with special needs, and they have been warm and welcoming.  I am beginning to have a sense of community I have been unable to find until now.  I am taking time this Sunday to highlight some of these people, and their favorite posts of mine, in the hope that you will go and check out their blogs.

Bec Oakley at Snagglebox

Leah Kelley at Thirty Days of Autism

Ellen Seidman at Love That Max

Ariane Zurcher at Emma’s Hope Book

Leigh Merryday at Flappiness Is…

Happy reading!

Sunday Shout-Out: Creativity Explored

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The Man and I took an incredible trip to San Francisco in 2010.  We spent a week, and on our ramble to the Mission District, we stopped in to take a peek at the Creativity Explored studio and gallery.  For the life of me, I cannot remember how I had heard about this place, but it was, for me, the highlight of the trip.

Creativity Explored is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides space, materials, as well as access to mentor artists for adults with developmental disabilities who enjoy expression through making art.  The organization also organizes exhibits and maintains an online shop through which the artists can sell their work, providing income, and an opportunity for self advocacy.

creativity explored

creativity explored (Photo credit: veritatem)

At first, The Man and I looked around the gallery, finding several pieces we wanted to take home.  The person behind the desk asked if we wanted to go in the studio.  We looked at each other and said, “Yes!  Is it open to the public?” He assured us it was, and we went through the entryway into the studio.  There were about 15 adults working on various projects, some with mentor artists at their side, some without.  We wandered through the workspace trying to peek at the works in progress without being too intrusive.  Some of the artists were talking or singing to themselves.  Some were oblivious to our presence, others were wary, and still others waved and welcomed us.  One artist in particular, Peter, greeted us warmly and enthusiastically, giving us a tour of the studio, and lead us to the kiln, telling us all about the firing process, and showing us his just-fired work.  He was very proud, and very happy to have an audience.

We left Creativity Explored, shortly after, realizing we had spent over an hour there.  We were both pretty quiet for awhile, and then remarked to each other what an amazing experience that had been.  And the art!  The art gave me such a new perspective, because these artists were clearly communicating their lives and experiences through this medium, which gave them so much more power to “speak” for themselves.

If you are ever in San Francisco, you must stop in.  It was life changing for me, leading me to earn a Graduate Certificate in Nonprofit Management last year — I was so inspired by this organization doing so much good for adults with developmental disabilities  It has become a new dream for me to be involved with an organization like this.

If you aren’t going to San Francisco anytime soon, please visit the website, buy something, make a donation.  They are doing amazing work, and the artists themselves will blow you away.  (You can look up Peter Cordova, too, and check out his work!)