On days like today, I wish I could put my forehead against his and project to him what I am thinking so he could understand. We are having a hard time communicating, and everything is getting lost in translation. No, you cannot keep a magazine that got left in the bathroom and is now covered in pee. No, I do not have a piece of paper without a crease in the middle. No, there is nothing we can do about it. No, we can’t go get a new battery for your watch this very second. No, it is not my fault. “No” does not mean I am being mean. “No” does not mean that I do not love you. Please calm down. Please understand.
Tag Archives: meltdown
Strategy for Meltdown Recovery (For Mom!)
In the immediate aftermath of a “rough morning” (which usually includes some lost thing, screaming, blaming, slammed doors, etc…) I am shaken. Someone will say “Good Morning!” and I can barely respond. I will often cry in the car on the way to work, not for a specific hurt, but because it is a release from the anxiety and tension that were at sky-high levels only moments ago.
Usually, a rough morning means a crappy day, because I am distracted and upset, which leads to less focus on work, which leads to less work getting done, and so on…
But today, I made a split second decision that helped me recover. I decided to take the surface streets to work instead of the express way, and I decided to stop at a convenience store that I know carries my favorite sweet tea. I picked up my tea and some peanut butter crackers, and happily munched and drank on my way to work. By the time I got there, I was MUCH better off than I usually am on a rough morning. I won’t always have the time to do this, because rough mornings often lead to being late to work, but I have found a coping strategy that works, and it makes me happy.
The End of November Already?
OK, before the frenzy that is December begins, let’s take a moment to reflect…
I am so very thankful for the people who come to my site and read my stuff! You all rock!
Here are some of my favorite posts (yours too!) from November:
An Open Letter to the Ex: Why the Boy Will Not Be Flying by Himself Anytime Soon
Biggest Meltdown of the Year
The Boy had his biggest meltdown of the school year on Wednesday. He has taken to leaving the classroom without permission, and had been warned repeatedly that he must ask before he leaves the room. He snuck out again, and … Continue reading
Crisis Averted: How I Turned a Crisis into a Game
We decided to go to the grocery store at 12:30. “That’s 23 minutes, from now, OK?” I remind The Boy. A few minutes later, I get up to make the grocery list, and I hear the beginnings of a meltdown. I hear the frustration in his voice, and the elevated volume saying, “I can’t FIND it!” It turned out to be a sock, a very particular grey and blue sock, for which he could not find the mate. He had actually looked in the laundry basket of socks first, which is huge. Usually, he will visually scan a room and if it doesn’t jump up and say, “HERE I am!!” it is lost. Forever. Somebody took it. So we looked all over his room. We looked in the clean clothes basket. We looked in the basement. I told him it would turn up sooner or later, and sat down because it was obvious we would not be going to the store today. I was making a mental inventory of our groceries and trying to determine how not getting groceries today would affect our Monday… The Boy began to get very angry and started throwing things. After he tossed a blanket across the room (thankfully only a blanket), I walked over to him on the couch, and said “STOP IT.”
From here it could have gone two ways: I could have started shouting, making things worse, or I could have gone the other route to try to get him to calm down. Today (because I don’t always make the right choice), I made a split-second decision to get him to calm down. I got him down on the couch, and lay down on top of him, using my body weight to give him some sensory input. He was still yelling about not going to school tomorrow, me calling the police on him, him calling the police on me, and ended with, “Get off of me or I’m going to be bleeding!” But he was calmer. We sat up, and I pulled him into my lap. We talked about better ways to communicate his frustration, and I laid out the options for him: We could clean up his room together, and if we didn’t find it, I would buy him a new pair, or we could hope it turned up, and choose a different pair. He chose to clean up his room, and look in the basement again, which we did.
As we cleaned up his room, we threw every sock we found on his bed. When we were finished tidying up, I said, “OK, Now we’re going to play a game. We will each make as many sock matches as we can, and whoever has the most will get a candy bar when we go grocery shopping today.” We sorted socks, I taught him how to fold pairs together, and we each snatched socks from the pile. In the space of about 20 minutes, we had gone from potential meltdown to smiles and laughter as we played a game together. And he lost, and it was OK. He found a different pair of socks to wear (because we still didn’t find that darn sock that started all this), and it was OK.
If it had been 7am on a school day, when these types of things usually occur, I’m not sure I would have made the better choice. But I did today, and we are both better off for it.
My Kid is in the Choir
The flyer came home announcing that the choir would be singing at the local high school’s football game against their biggest cross-town rivals. In fact, six elementary choirs would be there, singing before the game. A parent must accompany the … Continue reading
The Ex: Cancelled Plans
The ex is infamous for cancelling plans. And due to the fact that he only sees his son for four weeks out of the year at most (this year it has been one week), when he cancels plans, it is … Continue reading
A Poet in My Own Mind: “Autism”
I enjoy writing. Always have. I took a creative writing course in college and had a great deal of fun, especially with poetry. Fun does not necessarily translate into good, so I apologize in advance. I’m not the type to subject my poetry on others, but when I ran across this poem that I must have written in a desperate moment, I’m guessing about three years ago (based on the Wubbzy reference), I thought it might resonate with others going through similar desperate moments.
Autism
Short
definition:
A neurological disorder…
Long
definition:
Something not quite
right. Speech delay
Speech therapy, Occupational
therapy (hypersensitive, hyposensitive,
Gross motor – Gross like large not like
yucky, fine motor) From flashcards
to reading two years ahead
Obsess, obsess, Obsession
for months (Pizza rolls every single
night for dinner) (Wubbzy AGAIN?)
laughing, joking, never gets
old. Still no empathy.
Logical, linear, Spock-like, must
follow the rules, follow the law, follow the
schedule. No deviation, no changes, no
surprises, no fire drills or we derail.
anticipate, anticipate, anticipate
lay the clothes out, take the meds, follow the
schedule. Nothing dirty, no holes, no stains,
hide the clothes when they get too small. Still
might come back to bite you,
kick you, pull your hair, scream, cry, lie
down in the middle of the aisle
suffer the stares, the whispers, the grandma shaking her head, “Mm, mm, mm.”
(must learn that Vulcan death grip – what happens
when he gets bigger?)
What happens next? One day
One day at a time, one day
one day
Breathe, exhale and relax.
Fun Friday
The Boy and I have created a tradition called Fun Friday. It was born out of some evening scheduling problems we had which basically boiled down to The Boy thinking I could drive him all over God’s Green Earth to … Continue reading
Reader Highlight: Katrina
Katrina, who has commented here, is a blogging buddy of mine in our 31 Days Blog Challenge. I’ve been following her for a little while, and she writes really well about being a special needs mom. Her post, “The Truth About Being the Perfect Special Needs Parent” is one of her best.
In this post, she writes about the constant feeling of failure, like she isn’t being everything she can be for her kids.
I know this feeling.
Twice this summer, The Boy has had such magnificent, long-lasting meltdowns, that I was the one who ended up pacing the floors, unsure of what to do, unable to pull anything from my bag of tricks because it was completely empty. I was the one moved to tears because I was tired, emotionally spent, and couldn’t take it for one more second. I was the one who felt like such an astounding failure.
Katrina ends her post by writing about how important it is to lean on others, accept support, and let others be strong for us, even when it is the last thing we want to do.
I am lucky to have The Man, mind-reader that he is, who (during the second meltdown, as I was pacing, and probably looking like a kicked puppy) said, “You have done all you can do. There is nothing left. You are not a failure.”
I urge you to go read Kat’s blog, katscafe.org. She gives a beautifully written voice to us special needs parents.
Simple. I Just Do. 