A friend posted a link to this opinion piece, “The ‘Busy Trap'” by Tim Krieder of the New York Times. Go ahead and click it. Read it and then come back. I’ll wait…
Did you really read it or are you cheating? No, it’s a thought-provoking read, and will give you some context for what I’m about to write. Go ahead. Just be sure to come back.
I have to say that as I read it, I recognized my old life, to some extent. When I was a teacher, there were always committees and leadership opportunities, and I rarely said no. This resulted in sometimes three meetings after an already long workday, and barely any time or energy left for my son. From the time I was in college, I was a do-er and you would often find me on the board of some group, or chairing some committee, and my planner was my lifeline. I always had rehearsals and meetings scheduled, often into the wee hours of the morning.
And I also recognized my old students. The kids who were at the dance studio every day after school until well past a normal dinner time, and when they weren’t taking classes, they were teaching them. The kids whose hockey schedules ruled their lives instead of school and friends.
And the kids of friends. Those friends who find it hard to say no. The friends who made a conscious decision to sign their kids up for competitive activities (big parenting hint: “Competitive” anything will rule your life, and leave no bones). And who say this “saying no stuff” is easier said than done.
It is. I was there once. And I get it. We want our kids to succeed, we want them to be involved. We don’t want them to be loners or losers.
My kid isn’t involved in much of anything, which is actually a blessing of his disorder. Team sports are not and will never be our thing, thank goodness (I know his dad has always felt otherwise, but not me). He loves to just ride his bike around the small neighborhood we live in. Or mess around on his computers. If I had the money, he might take swimming or Tae Kwon Do, but only if he wanted to.
I wasn’t either. I was a brownie for awhile until our troop leader quit. And I was in band, but it wasn’t like competitive marching band of today’s standards, with rehearsals 2-3 times a week not ending until 9pm. I was on parks and rec basketball once. And softball one other time. And I took flute lessons once a week.
The rest of the week, I was free to play with my friends in the neighborhood. Sometimes we played school (can you guess who instigated that?), but often it was tag (remember tag?), and around dusk it was Ghost in the Graveyard. Guess what? Our kids don’t even know how to play those games anymore. Because they don’t have the time. Between piles of homework from schools trying to jam more curriculum into a 9 month school year, and all of these scheduled activities they are in, no wonder there are so many young people growing up depressed.
We need to make ourselves a priority in our own lives. If you (and/or your kids) are so busy and stressed that you don’t have any time in your week to just sit and think, there is something seriously wrong.
We need to take a page from our parents, and their parents, and all the generations who came before. When people age they generally downsize to a smaller house or apartment (less maintenance and upkeep = more time with your family), get rid of the belongings (see George Carlin on “stuff”), and spend their time doing what they wish, or even nothing at all. They may sign up for a low-impact Zumba class, or head over to the senior center for a round of Bocce Ball with the boys.
But it’s not Competitive Bocce Ball.