Camp’s End

Posted on August 10, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Today is The Boy’s last day of summer day camp, and he said yesterday that he will miss it. We’ve come a long way from it not being just like ESY, and the battles to get him out the door because he couldn’t use a computer there.

With the end of his summer routine comes anxiety, both the good and bad kinds. He is excited to start school, and we meet with his new principal next Tuesday to see the school and get a feel for how his days will run. Of course they are still working on his schedule and reviewing his IEP to see how they are going to have to meet it, for 30 days at least…

His dad will most likely not be taking him for his summer visitation at all, so The Boy has two weeks until the new school routine starts. He wants to get in last trips to the water park, the beach, and all of those activities which require free time. We’re also going to be looking at some used bikes this weekend, so he can continue to ride around the neighborhood with his new buddies.

And of course, I have anxiety about this new school and whether or not they will be able to meet his needs. Will we be able to work out our work and school schedules? What will they try to change when the 30 days is up, and how hard will I have to fight?

Deep breath…

Whatever comes, we can handle it. He didn’t like camp at first, and now he is going to miss it. Me too.

Autism and Attachment to Stuff

Posted on August 9, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Google “Autism and Clothing” and what comes up are links upon links to articles, studies, and blog posts about sensory issues with clothing, and how clothing can be a source of anxiety and struggle for those on the spectrum.

But there was only one link about being emotionally attached to articles of clothing. And it was a forum post from the experts – adults with autism. From my quick perusal of the “research”, it doesn’t seem that anyone has studied this, but based on what I read on this wrongplanet forum post, there seems to be a correlation between a spectrum diagnosis and the sense that objects have “feelings”. Unused, or un-purchased toys may feel “lonely” or “discarded” and therefore need to be saved. Lego towers and models mustn’t be taken apart because that would be “like an execution”. Clothing that has become too small must not be thrown out or donated, it must be kept forever, because it would be too sad, too unbearable to part with it.

Ring any bells?

Sometimes I fall into the trap, believing my child is rational because he usually has such a logical and straightforward outlook. This attachment to things is miles from rational, yet it seems to be so prevalent in those with ASD…

Why has no one studied this? Why has no one examined this and come up with strategies to deal with these anxieties about the feelings of objects? Several of these adults with autism on the forum have even contemplated purchasing extra storage space so they could keep all of these “saved” items! Yikes!

Clothing is one of our meltdown triggers, and I finally came to the realization that The Boy had this irrational attachment when we had a big meltdown the other morning. He reacted to some “missing” (read: donated) size 8 pants (he wears 14-16 now) extremely emotionally, almost as if a pet had died. That’s when I began my Google search.

Today, I floated an idea by him. In the car, I mentioned to him that we could take pictures of the clothes that are too small before we donate them. Sorta like my T-shirt project. That way, he could “keep them” as long as he wished, and could look back on those clothes and the attached memories as many times as he liked, and the clothes themselves could go on to other families and be used by smaller kids. He kinda liked the idea. Which means it just might work…

I’ll keep you posted.

Doozy of a Meltdown

Posted on July 26, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Yes, we had a doozy the other night. That tends to be the pattern with The Boy – really great for long periods of time, but when we have meltdowns, they are of the knock-down-drag-out variety.

And yet again, I don’t know that what happened the other night could be classified as a meltdown, but it sure left all of us reeling, and thankful it was over in the aftermath.

It started when The Boy’s netbook froze, and in his terms was “broken”, and couldn’t be fixed. He would not allow me to look at it (go figure), even though I knew it was probably a quick fix. He moaned about his computer for quite awhile, continuing to get ramped up. Then he apparently attempted to facetime Grammy, and was unsuccessful, so he threw his iPad…

Yup. Threw it.

The screen already had a hairline fracture from when he accidentally dropped a piece of fiestaware on it several months ago. This latest assault was much more aggressive, and caused MUCH more damage. To the point I had to hide it, because I didn’t want The Boy to get hurt from the glass shards… Bleh. When it happened, he began wailing and screaming, as if his best friend had died.

Needless to say this went on for yet another while (past bedtime), and for many hours, we went through the cycle of me desperately trying to calm him down, getting him calm and leaving the room, and then hearing wailing again after 15 minutes or so. We were doing this until after midnight.

It was important not to get upset with him for breaking it. The last thing he would want to do in the world is break his iPad, so he clearly didn’t understand what would happen if he threw it (or didn’t realize through his haze of anxiety and anger until it was too late). The iPad being damaged and out of commission for the time being is consequence enough. I don’t need to throw my disappointment and additional punishment on top of that.

He is a much happier camper now, as I have given him a clear timeline on how we are going to solve the problem, and have been repeating it to him consistently. It will take a few days for Mom to do research about the details of getting it fixed, no one is throwing it away (he is very scared of this), and then we will make some decisions about how we are going to go about it. He will be working to pay for at least half of the repair, and I have told him that, as well. Never hurts to throw in a lesson about the value of a dollar. 😉

I’m glad he’s feeling better, because my heart hurt for him the other night.

Deconstructing Glasses

Posted on July 6, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’m pretty sure no one on Earth will need this tip, but just in case…

I think I’ve mentioned The Boy’s penchant for fake eyewear. He wears them so regularly that his teachers have even been fooled into thinking that they are prescription. Lately, however, he has been preferring the pair of 3D glasses brought home from Toy Story 3, from which he has torn the flimsy black “lenses”. The reason? He doesn’t have to clean them if there are no lenses. (Of course, duh…)

Except that he has outgrown the 3D pair (graduating from the all-purpose “kids’ size” to the all-purpose “adult size” in the interim, I suppose), so they look rather silly. Not a big deal, but we are trying to make new friends in our new community… The Man and I had found a set of three pairs of reading glasses for $3 at the local discount store, and I mentioned it to The Boy, saying we could probably pop the lenses out. He liked the sound of that, so we bought a set.

And he decided he wanted me to pop the lenses out about half hour before we had to leave for camp this morning… Bleh! So I pushed on those plastic lenses until my thumbs hurt, and could only budge them a bit. I tried hot water and then cold water to see if expanding and contracting the plastic of the frames would help, but to no avail. Finally I considered my old friend Goo Gone. I poured some into a plastic plate, and places the glasses, lenses down, into the Goo Gone. After about 20 minutes, the lenses popped out with little resistance. Not sure why this worked, but it did.

So, if you ever find yourself in the position of needing to pop lenses out of some plastic frames, now you know what to do. Glad to be of help 😉

Why I Love Field Day

Posted on June 7, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Most teachers aren’t very fond of field day. In fact, in my district it was even the source of a fierce battle about prep time awhile back. But I love it. At least I love it when my kid has it.

His field day was last week. I think he even chose a special “athletic-themed” outfit for that day, choosing to wear his T-shirt from the special needs baseball camp he has been to the past two summers. It doesn’t hurt that he loves his gym teacher, and wants to be one when he grows up.

His school gives each kid a long ticket-type thing that lists the various activities, that get punched as they visit the stations, and they can also be recognized on the ticket for showing good sportsmanship (or having an “oops!” moment, but The Boy has never earned an “oops!” he is proud to tell me).

Here’s why I love it so much: I often have no clue about what happens at school, because he just chooses not to tell me (thank goodness his ASD teacher sends home a daily communication log to let me know about highlights, or I’d be completely in the dark!). But on field day, we have a nice long conversation. When I pick The Boy up from Kids Club, and with the ticket in hand, I ask him about each one with a punch next to it. I ask him to explain how it works, and whether or not he liked it (he always likes them all). And he does tell me — at length! I have a guide that tells me what to ask him about his day, and I do, and he responds. That’s a big thing for us. And I enjoy it a great deal.

8 Reasons Why The Boy May Be a Time Lord…

Posted on May 26, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Doctor Who fans are a fiercely loyal bunch, and I can proudly say that I was recently initiated via Netflix. Now, I’m sure there are various strata of Doctor Who fan-dom, and if there are, I am probably in the lowest of the low, because I have not watched all the old-old episodes, with Doctors 1-8, and have not even watched any episodes with the most recent Doctor Who, because I am fiercely loyal to (and have an equally fierce crush on) Doctor number 10. But. There are enough similarities between Doctors (I mean they are all supposed to be the same Time Lord, after all), that I think I can make some generalizations, and bring your attention to the fact that The Boy may actually be Doctor Who…

1. He has an affinity for wearing the same outfit everyday, because he thinks it’s the coolest thing on the planet. Or on several planets.

The Tenth Doctor’s Outfit – Keith Schengili-Roberts

2. He also has an affinity for Chuck Taylor’s.

3. He has a wee obsession with clocks and timers – What Time Lord wouldn’t?

4. He tends to use common objects in uncommon ways… like a Sonic Screwdriver, perhaps?

5. He is whip smart, figures stuff out on his own, and loves technology. He could probably fly a TARDIS meant to be piloted by six Time Lords with one hand tied behind his back…

6. He tends to need a companion to share adventures, and to rein him in when he gets out of control.

7. He wears glasses because he thinks they make him “look a bit clever”.

8. He looks typically human on the outside…

Now can you see why I’m a fan, and why maybe, just maybe, The Boy may be a Time Lord?…

Big News for The Boy

Posted on May 25, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Fantastic Babysitter is going to have a baby, and I was honored to be one of the first to know. She has become such an integral part of our family, and I can’t even begin to fathom how much we will miss her. She is going to be a fantastic mother, and there is so much happiness in store for her family.

She waited a bit before telling The Boy, but last night was the big night to impart her news.

We sat down on the couch, and she produced two jellybeans and told him that if he put the two jellybeans together, it would be the size of the baby that is growing in her belly. He opened his eyes a little wider but didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She and I both explained a bit more, and then he said, “Did (her husband) do this to you?”

It was a classic, if unexpected response that made us both laugh (we’re still laughing!). Makes sense coming from one so logical, though. I guess that sex ed curriculum is working!

The Show Must Go On (Without Us)…

Posted on April 22, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Stage by Luminitsa

My parents are in town for a bit, for The Boy’s choir and band concerts this week (and also because they haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving and were missing him big-time!), and we went to a musical put on by the district in which I work. The Boy even dressed up in his dress-up clothes to attend. We arrived, purchased our tickets, as well as flowers for PITA, who runs the show, and finally raffle tickets for some baskets of goodies. We found our seats, and enjoyed the first half. At intermission, The Boy and I got up to stretch, and buy a small treat. We purchased our M&Ms, walked around the lobby while we ate them, and returned to our seats.

Before the end of the intermission, they did the drawings for the raffle baskets, and that’s when things started going wonky. Remember that The Boy has only had a few experiences with raffle baskets, and luckily for him at the time (but not so luckily for us at it turns out), he has won virtually everything he has attempted to win.

But today, we didn’t win.

And even though I had prepared him for this possibility (taking pictures of the baskets, assuring him that we could always purchase the contents on our own), he began to melt. And we had to leave. Luckily, I was prepared for this, and had even scoped out how far we were from the aisle, making sure we wouldn’t cause too much disturbance if we had to leave. I have learned from past mistakes, it seems (why is it always at a play??).

The Boy is still upset, wanting to have a “funeral for our luck” – clever even while not comprehending the larger concepts, here. And he will probably be in a funk for a little while.

So while we had planned to go to the show and then for dinner afterwards, we’re all quickly shifting to plan B. Thank God for take-out!

Baby Steps to Adulthood

Posted on April 21, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Tonight, I had everything prepped for Hummus-Crusted Chicken, went into the fridge to get the hummus, and… no hummus. How can you salvage that recipe? Um, you can’t. I know I bought some on the previous grocery trip, but somewhere along the line, the hummus jumped ship. So what to do? I needed to run to the store.

I offered to The Boy the option of staying home, as I have a few times before. He has always said no, a little afraid of the responsibility, and convinced he isn’t old enough. But tonight, he was contentedly watching Spongebob videos, and responded that, yes, he would like to stay home, while I took five minutes to run to the store and back. I reminded him that he could face-time me from his iPad if he needed anything, and I took off.

The whole time, I felt like I had a weight on my chest, but I drove carefully, moved quickly and efficiently into and out of the store, and face-timed him on the way home. “How ya doin’?”

“Fine.”

“What’re ya doin’?”

“Watching Spongebob.”

“I’m on my way home.”

“OK, Mom.”

“See you in a minute!”

“OK, see you in a minute.”

“Bye!”

“Bye, Mom.”

And a minute later I was home. “Are you home?” he said when he heard me come in the door. I responded in the affirmative, told him how proud I was of him for being so mature and responsible, and he was visibly excited and proud of himself.

Will I be taking off by myself to the movies anytime soon? Hell no.

But this is a proud mama moment for me. This is a baby step toward adulthood for my little man.

I Hate that Sound…

Posted on April 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

frustration by Sean MacEntee

One of the worst sounds to my ears is the sound of The Boy expressing frustration. Partly because, if left unchecked, it could lead to a meltdown, or perseveration on some negative thing. But mostly because he is 11, and I have tried and tried for years to teach him to ask for help when he gets frustrated, and instead he continues to do this thing… This “ARGGHHHH!” thing, to which I think I am supposed to come running and solve his problem. Or the extremely loud self-talk that sometimes accompanies it (but which I can’t understand, because it is often coming from the basement). I don’t ever respond, except to say, “Do you need help?” I rarely get a response, just more “ARGGGGHHHH!” and indistinguishable self-talk. Beyond that question, I do not respond, knowing that if I do, he will learn that I will try to anticipate his every need, and instead, I want him to learn to communicate his needs and ask for help, even when frustrated.

And so, I will wait him out, turning on some music to drown out the “ARGGGGGHHHH!” until he comes to me of his own accord, or gets interested in something else.

But that noise is just about the worst…