A couple of weekends ago, Fantastic Babysitter took The Boy camping (where he caught six fish – his first ever! Woo hoo!), and although I enjoyed the weekend to myself, I rattled around a bit, not sure what to do … Continue reading
If you recall, I recently ordered Earn It, Learn It by Alisa Weinstein. It’s an introduction to her Earn My Keep program, which is a re-thought allowance program that may just teach kids more about money and the real world … Continue reading
Part of being a single mom, is that there isn’t someone right there when you need that understanding look, the encouraging touch or that gesture of appreciation. And if you are a single mom to a child with autism, you … Continue reading
Yup. Every restaurant gives crayons to every youngster who enters their doors, and I know this has happened to at least some of you. Junior forgot the crayons in the cup holder on the hottest day in history, and before … Continue reading
It is much easier with two. Two people who can give each other a break from time to time. The Man will often take The Boy to the park on a whim, or just for a ride in his truck (often ending with a trip to DQ). I can’t tell you how much I love that, and appreciate him and am AMAZED at just having someone like him to do that. The three of us are together only about every six weeks, and it’s not perfect all the time (what blended family is? For that matter, what typical family is?), but I appreciate it all the more because of the time when it is just we two, and I. am. it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love spending alone time with my son. There aren’t words to describe the bond we have, and we are silly together and go on adventures together… We are lucky to like each other a great deal. He is a fantastic kid, smart as a whip with an amazing sense of humor, an uncanny memory, and so many special talents.
But we have some dark times, too. We have some days where a cloud hangs over him and just won’t let go. We have days when I can do nothing right (in his eyes and/or my own), and it seems like tears are flowing from dawn until dusk. My hair has been pulled, I have been punched, bitten, and kicked. I have lost it myself, at the end of my rope, not having any inkling of what to do besides curl up and cry.
(Photo credit: mikebaird)
Having two of us to tag-team, as it were, prevents many (not all) of those dark times from getting that far. If one of us is getting overwhelmed and irritated, the other will do something about it. And THIS is how adult relationships survive around autism (and really in any family). Brace yourself, because I’m going to say something controversial: Kids should not come first above all else. That relationship between the adults is paramount, because if that falters, the support for the family disappears. This is especially hard for us special needs parents to understand because our kids need us so much more than typical kids. But then, our partners need us so much more than typical partners do, too, right? Raising a special needs kid is hard. We must take care of ourselves, and we must take care of our partners. We must nurture the “us”. If we make that a priority, we and our partners can take care of everybody else. Together.
Thoughts?
I have an angry ex. He’s not angry about anything in particular, it’s just part of his personality. And this is also one of the reasons he is now an ex. We do not have the hunky-dory “co-parenting” relationship that … Continue reading
Fantastic Babysitter and her new husband are taking The Boy camping this weekend. This has become an annual tradition because boys like camping, and should go camping, and I, well… don’t camp. I hate it. I hate the bugs, the … Continue reading
The Man and I have been together for almost three years. He lives 900 miles away. I would not recommend long distance relationships to the faint of heart, but we are still going strong, primarily because he never tires of … Continue reading
When you have a special needs kid, there are a lot of people to thank come holiday and end of the school year time. Special Ed teachers, General Ed teachers, Parapros, Therapists, Babysitters, etc. Do I have to thank them … Continue reading
English: Baby Oliver (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Boy is an only child. I am an only child. Ergo, The Boy is rarely around babies. When our Fantastic Babysitter asked if it was OK to bring her nephew last week while watching the boy, I thought, “OK, this will be new…” I wasn’t worried. More like curious.
The Boy doesn’t make much contact with others, unless he knows you really well, or unless you are into something that he is into (i.e. computers, comics, etc.). That somehow accelerates your friendship to the I’m-going-to-drag-you-by-the-arm-to-show-you-something stage. In any case, I was curious to see if he would be curious about this (5 month old) baby.
For awhile after the divorce, he would talk sometimes about someday getting a brother or sister, and wouldn’t that be cool. I honestly don’t remember how I responded to those comments, if I did at all. I knew I was done (meaning no more babies), but I wasn’t going to rule out the ex’s side of things, and I know I wouldn’t have stepped into that minefield.
So Fantastic Babysitter arrived, with her nephew in his carrier, and of course, I couldn’t help myself. I began cooing and generally making a fool of myself over the little bundle of cuteness. The Boy was right behind me watching all of this, taking it in. At one point he gently but possessively grabbed my arm. I asked if he was jealous, and he ignored me. He wandered about the kitchen as Fantastic Babysitter and I talked. After kissing The Boy, and reminding him to behave, I headed for the door. As I left, Fantastic Babysitter was asking The Boy what he wanted to do.
They ended up going to Chuck E. Cheese. She is so Fantastic, she can handle a 5 month old and a boy with autism at that place! I bow to her. They had fun, and I beat them home.
But I got the biggest smile of the evening (possibly of the week) when she texted me that The Boy was referring to himself as Uncle as he explained to the baby about the car trip back home, and everything that they were doing.
It seems no one can resist the charm of a baby.
Simple. I Just Do. 