Visitation Means He’s Supposed to Visit You…

Posted on March 14, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I just spoke with the ex about spring break plans. He is supposed to have The Boy for the week, and I just never know what’s up, it seems, until the last minute. I texted him the other night, asking him if he was planning on having The Boy for the week, and he said he was. We spoke this evening, and I’ve noticed that recently, he has been trying to do some Jedi mind-meld deal like tonight when he said, “So we’re going to do Saturday to Saturday again?”

We have never, ever done Saturday to Saturday, but I think he thinks that if he says it that way, I will go, “Yeah! That sounds good!”

Does he not remember that we were married for ten years, and never once was I ditzy enough to fall for that kind of crap, and in the almost five years since the divorce, never once have I been inclined to do anything but tell him how it’s going to be? Because realistically, and according to our court documents, his visitation starts the evening of the last day of school for The Boy (Thursday) and runs through the day before we return (Sunday). And I am not inclined to give him an inch, especially when he has the track record he does.

I explained my plans, and since he knows that I am still doing him a huge favor by meeting him (or his parents, whoever comes to pick up The Boy) about three hours from home (saving him 6 hours in one trip), he agreed. At least for now. He could always call the night before and cancel the whole thing. If that happens, no worries. The Boy and I are used to it by now.

Sleep

Posted on March 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

alarm clock by brucebeh

I love sleeping. I really love sleeping. Always have. I’ve had friendships broken up because the other person did not understand about me and sleep.

(I was in sleep-away grad school, and needed to use someone’s computer for an assignment that was due. All of the computers in the lab were taken. He said he had to finish something, and I could use it after. A few hours later, I got tired of waiting, literally [mind you, I was 6 months preggo] and went to bed. He knocked on my door at 2 am and woke me up. We were no longer friends after that…)

I must, must, must get enough sleep, or you can count on my not being someone you want to be around the next day. And if I go through a couple of nights not getting adequate sleep, I can count on becoming ill very quickly.

So you know what’s coming, right? Yep. My big plan about going to bed earlier is the culprit, I think, but I have been having such a hard time falling asleep for the past week. Some could be due to stress, but something wonky is going on. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.

I’ll give it another week or so before I get really panicked (and cranky and agitated), but this is not me, this is not right, and I don’t know how to get it back to the lovely usual.

Liebster Award – Thank You!

Posted on March 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Thank you SO much to learningneverstops over at Understanding and Embracing Diversity for the Liebster Award Nomination! I am new to his blog, but it has lots of good stuff, so please go check out his site!

By now, you probably know that awards come with rules, so that we can spread the love. Here are the rules for the Liebster Award:

1.Thank the Liebster-winning Blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog. Thanks again! (see above)

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answer the 11 questions you were asked, and create 11 questions for your nominees. (see below)

3. Nominate 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen. (see further below)

4. Display the Liebster Award logo. (see above – isn’t it cute?)

11 Facts about myself (tired of hearing about me, yet?)

1. I am a Libra, and I really don’t think that means anything, but I do seem to have an overdeveloped sense of justice…

2. I loved being an only child, and I love having an only child.

3. I love Swamp People. I have a wee crush on Troy. ❤

4. I believe that peanut butter, linens and towels are three things on which you should never skimp.

5. My favorite type of wine is a nice German Reisling.

6. If I had it to do over again, I would have played French Horn instead of the flute.

7. I loathe peep-toe shoes. I mean, they look nice on other people, but not on me, so they need to go away now.

8. I have lived in the same state for 33 years.

9. I have never broken a bone (great, now I just jinxed myself).

10. One of my favorite authors is Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

11. One of my favorite all-time movies is Amelie.

Questions from learningneverstops:

1. How would you define yourself? That’s a toughie. I play many roles, but hopefully I am defined by my actions, which are usually kind, fair, efficient, motivated, loving, capable, determined, clever, and somewhat humorous.

2. Who is the most important person in your life? Not a toughie. My son. The Man is a very, very close second, though.

3. What made you happy today? Watching my son as he was able to give up some of his toys.

4. What goes through your head when you wake up in the morning? My list of things to do for the day.

5. Are we lucky to be living in this time? How so? I think so. It is so easy to be educated, and so easy to spread awareness. The means are there, we just have to be able to inspire the motivation to do something about it.

6. If asked to give three wishes (one for yourself; one for your family; one for the world), what would yours be? Wish for myself: to find meaningful work when this career is at its end. Wish for my family: to adjust to change as easily as possible. Wish for the world: for the people of this world to realize their potential for good and act upon it.

7. Why do you blog? I blog because I have stories to share, and I know that other people’s stories have helped me in rough times.

8. Is 2013 shaping up to be what you’ve expected? Yes, I think so. At least so far! Still anticipating so much!

9. What would you like to know about Autism? How to make more connections for understanding between NTs (like me), and auties (like my son).

10. How can people’s awareness of Autism be increased? One person at a time, building relationships with those in the autism community.

11. What is the best article you have read on my blog? I like your pieces on Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory because it is one of The Man’s favorite shows, and as he has grown to know and understand The Boy, even he has pointed these out to me. It is a great platform for building understanding with the NT world!

My 11 Questions for you:

1. If you could go back in time to witness an event, what would it be?

2. What is one thing you have always wanted to learn (or learn how to do)?

3. If you visit any place in the world for the day, where would you go?

4. Guilty pleasure food?

5. Favorite season and why?

6. Cherished accomplishment from childhood?

7. Favorite type of reading material?

8. Have you ever done something anonymously? What was it, and why?

9. What was a favorite vacation you have taken?

10. Name a word you hate the sound of.

11. Do you collect anything?

My 11 Nominees are:

1. Postcards from the edge of the Spectrum

2. Little Bird’s Dad

3. A Quiet Week in the House

4. Tickled Red

5. Autismum

6. Gingerheaddad

7. Loving Martians

8. Coffee With A Side Of Autism

9. Huggable Baker

10. one in four thousand

11. Cracks in the Armour

Being Auntie

Posted on March 11, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Fabulous PITA is one of my best friends on the planet, and I get to work with her everyday. Needless to say she is pissed I am moving. Really pissed. She and I are as close to sisters as we will ever get – we are both only children, and even though she is married, she plays a single mom most days because her hubby is a chef and works nights and weekends. Her two little ones, Princess, age 6, and Sunshine, age 3 (almost 4), call me “Auntie”, and I love it.

Today, The Boy and I are headed to IKEA with Fabulous PITA, Princess, and Sunshine, but I have something else planned, too. I have yet to give the little ones their Christmas presents, and I missed Princess’s birthday in January, too (I know, March is almost over, but Fabulous PITA and I are busy people!), so today I will come bearing gifts.

They both get a Calico Critters Townhouse that I bought for The Boy ages ago, because he wanted it, and I didn’t care that it was intended for girls. He played with it for awhile, but never hard enough to damage it, and it has been in storage, waiting for the girls to be old enough. I bought Princess a family of squirrels to go with the house for her birthday gift . I also have a couple of other things to give them…

Princess is getting my porcelain tea set that I played with when I was her age (one of them – I collected them!). And Sunshine will be getting my baby Anna that I adored when I was her age. See, I still have this stuff, these cherished and beloved treasures from my childhood, and it’s time to let them go, I guess. Amazingly enough, the ex didn’t throw them out (like he did a $600 money order, my entire work wardrobe, and my button collection from elementary school [including my Michael Jackson button!]), so I think they were meant to find a new loving home.

The Boy also gave up some of his stuffed animals to the cause, which went surprisingly well.

The little ones don’t know yet that we’re moving, and I’m hoping that these little tokens will remind them of us when we’re 900 miles away. Even though I was an aunt for awhile, there will be nothing that replaces being “Auntie” to these two cuties. I know I’ll miss all three of them a immensely.

Getting Tougher Every Day

Posted on March 10, 2013 by simpleijustdo

One would think it would get easier, knowing we are so close to being done with the school year, and so close to being together with The Man for keeps. One would think that, wouldn’t one? But it doesn’t. At least not for me. It’s getting tougher. My patience is thinner for the same old, same old. I get lonely quicker and easier. It’s getting tougher to parent solo.

I suppose that means I really am ready for a change (or two, or sixteen). And I suppose that means I’m going to have to work harder this spring to maintain my patience, keep busy, and to be a tough mother. Along with working harder, I’ll have to make sure to get some breaks in there, too (pencil myself in, if necessary!). A massage here, an evening with friends there. And fun stuff with The Boy. Definitely that. A last hurrah of sorts for all of our favorite hangouts up here (our closest Target will be 45 minutes away, and the closest IKEA will be 6 hours away [sob!]).

14 weeks…

Saturday Stuff

Posted on March 9, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Saturdays are our designated lazy days, where we recover from the week. We try to stay in our pajamas as long as possible, often all day, and The Boy fends for himself for meals, as do I. We each do our own thing. For The Boy, that means Spongebob on Netflix, Wii, and messing with Bionicles. For me, it’s often way too much computer time, watching movies and TV programs on Netflix, writing blog posts, and planning for all of this stuff we’re gonna do in the next few crazy months.

Today, I am

Researching for a summer trip to Disney. The Man wants to do 3 days max, and probably stay at a Motel 6, so I’ll have some negotiating to do… Checking out this site for families with autism who are planning a trip to WDW – awesome resource!
Looking into 15′ truck rentals for the move in June, and how much that will cost, in addition to gas costs at about 8 miles per gallon (gulp). Also pricing boxes… (So far, Budget is a much better deal than UHaul).
On Pinterest, looking for pins about moving, seeing if there are tips I haven’t heard of before – Did you know plates are supposed to be packed upright rather than flat? I didn’t.
Watching Dr. Who on Netflix, and trying to get over Rose Tyler’s absence.
making sweet tea.
Missing The Man something fierce.

What are you up to today?

An Apology to Dav Pilkey… Sort Of…

Posted on March 8, 2013 by simpleijustdo

“This is the story about Tippy Tinkletrousers, and how he didn’t really die at the end of the last epic novel…”

So the follow up book to the last Captain Underpants book, which really, really upset The Boy (and I suspect a lot of kids his age), with a rather graphic death on its last pages has been released (Captain Underpants and the Revolting Revenge of the Radioactive Robo-Boxers). I stood in the store and read the beginning, wondering how Pilkey would get himself out of it. Sure enough, there was an explanation: It was “misdirection”, and weren’t we stupid adults for complaining about something that never happened. In fact, the whole second chapter is about how stupid adults are for squashing all the fun that any kid ever attempts to have, and its because its easier for us adults to yell at kids than reflect on our own sad lives.

I’m not going to get in an offended huff, because just like a lot of satire, there are grains of truth to what he says.

But. I didn’t get offended by that book until my kid got upset. My son was not laughing at the ending of that book (and frankly, I would have found it more than a little disturbing if he was laughing at what was represented as a graphic death). My son didn’t get your joke, and certainly was not familiar with the concept of misdirection.

So, Mr. Pilkey, I guess it was all a trick, and I’m a stupid parent to get offended at what was represented as a graphic death that wasn’t really a graphic death. But, does that mean the next chapter is going to be deriding the stupid kids who were upset by the same thing?

Words and Meaning

Posted on March 7, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Is it time for the soap?

On the heels of “Spread the Word to End the Word” Day, we are struggling with offensive words and their meanings in our own home. We went through this awhile ago, when The Boy wrote down every single bad word he had ever heard, and wow, there were quite a few. It took a numbered list form, and thereafter he would refer to each word by their number (“Mom! That man said #11!!”). He had a classmate a few years ago, also on the spectrum, who had a hard time not using these words, and they sort of “rubbed off” on The Boy. He even ended up creating a few made-up curse words, adding them to “the list”, and then he really confused me. He began to use them in the correct context, using a made-up curse word when angry, but it wasn’t really a curse word, so does that deserve a consequence?? My head was spinning… This lasted for quite awhile, but like all obsessions, petered out.

Nowadays, I’m not sure if he says one from time to time to test the waters, to see how bad they really are. I’m not sure if he doesn’t always remember what’s what, although he is much too clever for that, I think. So I really don’t know why he chose to use the n-word the other day. He claimed to have seen it on a YouTube video, and was reciting a line that he had heard, thinking it was funny. It’s quite possible. But he also somehow knew that it was inappropriate to say, because he anticipated getting in trouble for saying it (which he didn’t, but more on that later). There is a disconnect somewhere in there about bad words, knowing he shouldn’t say them, but still saying them and I just can’t wrap my brain around it.

The other part of this equation, is that The Boy doesn’t realize when he is “talking back”. He is such a good mimic, that I think he has picked up “giving attitude” this way. But he doesn’t know enough to identify when he is doing it himself, because when I call him on “using that tone of voice”, or “talking to me that way”, he has no clue what I’m talking about, and thinks he has said a bad word to make me angry.

Most upsetting to him in all of this is being certain that he has gotten in trouble, and that he will lose friends because he used that word. He sets himself off in a self-judging spiral that will last several days, repeating that he needs me to write him a social story, that if he says it again, he will not be able to go to the computer lab, and whatever other punishment he can come up with that he deserves, because clearly, he thinks he does deserve it. All of us adults are just scratching our heads trying to figure out how to talk to him about it so he will understand.

Peace of Mind

Posted on March 6, 2013 by simpleijustdo

One of the things that I have been most nervous about the move, OK, more like THE ONE THING that has given me a good bit of anxiety is the program for The Boy in the state/county/school where we will be. You just never know what you are walking into, even with a diagnosis and an IEP in hand. You may remember that I had spoken with someone who worked in a county a good bit away from where we were who said they didn’t have a resource room to speak of, and didn’t have any aides in the rooms with the kids. Considering that The Boy spends a good amount in his resource room, I got a bit panicky about what I was going to be subjecting him to.

I had put out some feelers through some contacts with the state Autism Society, and hadn’t really been able to connect with anyone, until this weekend. I finally got in contact with some parents who run the local chapter, and was able to speak on the phone with one lady who was able to give me some insight, at least into her experience. She had also moved into the area a year and a half ago, and has a son that is very close in age to The Boy. She was able to allay my fears a bit, and let me know about how much their little chapter has been accomplishing. Not only was I relieved, but I also began to get a little excited. Here is a group that is actually making positive change in the community for kids on the spectrum, and providing opportunities, and even a summer day camp! YES! Exactly what I was hoping for.

Not to mention that this group is a way for us to meet people like us, which will be one of the most difficult parts of the transition for both The Boy and I, making new friends. I often complain about talking to people on the phone, but this time, I am sooo glad I did.

On Being Older

Posted on March 5, 2013 by simpleijustdo

By ArtisticZen

This past weekend was The Man’s birthday. I may have mentioned that there is a considerable difference between our ages, and he would much prefer me to be in my 40s than still in my 30s. He would also like me to have a few grey hairs. He would be much more comfortable if I was a tad older, but there’s not much we can do about that, so he will have to remain just shy of his comfort zone on this one.

Besides the two times since we’ve been dating that he has been mistaken for my father (ouch!), it hasn’t really been an issue, and in reality, neither of us thinks about it much. We get along so well, and rarely run out of things to talk about, as some would suspect a couple with such a sizeable age difference might experience. It just doesn’t matter.

We have differences of opinion, sure. But not on the big things, the things that matter. Sometimes he will reminisce about something that happened in the seventies or from before I was born, and we sometimes giggle about that. He’ll say, “Oh, don’t you remember that? You were two.”

We’re safe on the “half your age plus seven” rule, and besides that, we’re both adults. Neither of us has a a ton of money to chase, neither of us is a hot supermodel (although we are still extremely attracted to each other, even after three years). There are no ulterior motives, so it’s a non-issue. Besides, in another 20 years, who knows what we’ll look like?!