Liebster Award – Thank You!

Posted on March 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Thank you SO much to learningneverstops over at Understanding and Embracing Diversity for the Liebster Award Nomination! I am new to his blog, but it has lots of good stuff, so please go check out his site!

By now, you probably know that awards come with rules, so that we can spread the love. Here are the rules for the Liebster Award:

1.Thank the Liebster-winning Blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog. Thanks again! (see above)

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answer the 11 questions you were asked, and create 11 questions for your nominees. (see below)

3. Nominate 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen. (see further below)

4. Display the Liebster Award logo. (see above – isn’t it cute?)

11 Facts about myself (tired of hearing about me, yet?)

1. I am a Libra, and I really don’t think that means anything, but I do seem to have an overdeveloped sense of justice…

2. I loved being an only child, and I love having an only child.

3. I love Swamp People. I have a wee crush on Troy. ❤

4. I believe that peanut butter, linens and towels are three things on which you should never skimp.

5. My favorite type of wine is a nice German Reisling.

6. If I had it to do over again, I would have played French Horn instead of the flute.

7. I loathe peep-toe shoes. I mean, they look nice on other people, but not on me, so they need to go away now.

8. I have lived in the same state for 33 years.

9. I have never broken a bone (great, now I just jinxed myself).

10. One of my favorite authors is Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

11. One of my favorite all-time movies is Amelie.

Questions from learningneverstops:

1. How would you define yourself? That’s a toughie. I play many roles, but hopefully I am defined by my actions, which are usually kind, fair, efficient, motivated, loving, capable, determined, clever, and somewhat humorous.

2. Who is the most important person in your life? Not a toughie. My son. The Man is a very, very close second, though.

3. What made you happy today? Watching my son as he was able to give up some of his toys.

4. What goes through your head when you wake up in the morning? My list of things to do for the day.

5. Are we lucky to be living in this time? How so? I think so. It is so easy to be educated, and so easy to spread awareness. The means are there, we just have to be able to inspire the motivation to do something about it.

6. If asked to give three wishes (one for yourself; one for your family; one for the world), what would yours be? Wish for myself: to find meaningful work when this career is at its end. Wish for my family: to adjust to change as easily as possible. Wish for the world: for the people of this world to realize their potential for good and act upon it.

7. Why do you blog? I blog because I have stories to share, and I know that other people’s stories have helped me in rough times.

8. Is 2013 shaping up to be what you’ve expected? Yes, I think so. At least so far! Still anticipating so much!

9. What would you like to know about Autism? How to make more connections for understanding between NTs (like me), and auties (like my son).

10. How can people’s awareness of Autism be increased? One person at a time, building relationships with those in the autism community.

11. What is the best article you have read on my blog? I like your pieces on Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory because it is one of The Man’s favorite shows, and as he has grown to know and understand The Boy, even he has pointed these out to me. It is a great platform for building understanding with the NT world!

My 11 Questions for you:

1. If you could go back in time to witness an event, what would it be?

2. What is one thing you have always wanted to learn (or learn how to do)?

3. If you visit any place in the world for the day, where would you go?

4. Guilty pleasure food?

5. Favorite season and why?

6. Cherished accomplishment from childhood?

7. Favorite type of reading material?

8. Have you ever done something anonymously? What was it, and why?

9. What was a favorite vacation you have taken?

10. Name a word you hate the sound of.

11. Do you collect anything?

My 11 Nominees are:

1. Postcards from the edge of the Spectrum

2. Little Bird’s Dad

3. A Quiet Week in the House

4. Tickled Red

5. Autismum

6. Gingerheaddad

7. Loving Martians

8. Coffee With A Side Of Autism

9. Huggable Baker

10. one in four thousand

11. Cracks in the Armour

Another Huge Meltdown

Posted on February 25, 2013 by simpleijustdo

We don’t often see huge meltdowns from The Boy. We are lucky. Yesterday, we paid our dues.

We were at a big show in the downtown-big city, at a large convention center, and after being told he couldn’t do an activity because it was time to go home, The Boy started yelling. I gave my purse to The Man and began walking The Boy to the front of the hall, towards the lobby. He was yelling the whole time, and got away from me a couple of times, but I eventually got him out to the lobby. I don’t know what I expected when I got there, but it surely wasn’t the full throttle, running, kicking, screaming (“I’m going to kill you!”, “I’m going to call the police!”), escaping, knocking-down-signs, knocking-down-mom kinda thing I got.

Yep, I got tossed, too.

The Boy is bigger, although he was plenty to handle the last time something like this happened. I cannot just pick him up (or even attempt to) anymore. At one point, I looked at The Man and said, “I don’t know what to do,” and there was nothing we could do. We let it peter out, got him seated on the floor near the coat check, and then my brain kicked in. He was not listening to me (all I was saying was “stop” because I knew he was too far gone to listen to anything else), so I got on the phone and called people I thought he might listen to. I got a hold of his ASD teacher, who agreed to speak to him, and within a minute, he was ok enough to get his coat on so we could head home.

The Boy spoke to Fantastic Babysitter in the car on the way home for quite awhile, which was an excellent distraction, and had the desired calming effect. When we got home, I let him be for awhile, and then we talked about what had happened. I’m not satisfied that we’ve processed it properly, but I’m going to keep working on it.

The Man and I were shaken, but he was perfect. He held my purse, and followed us (but not too closely!) during the whole thing, even speaking with a few people who were concerned. He said this morning like he felt he hadn’t done enough, but he did — he helped me with the aftermath, my aftermath. I was wrecked, emotional, and exhausted, and he took care of me. That’s what I need from him — I need him to look after me, so that I’m OK to look after my son.

It was an emotional day, but I was proud of myself for remaining relatively calm, and not resentful of The Boy at all. I felt so bad that we had a breakdown in communication, and I felt bad that he lost control. I can only guess what that feels like, and I’m sure I wouldn’t like it. I was proud of him for coming out of it, and I was proud of The Man for how he handled himself. Now I need to go see what I can do about these sore muscles…

Give Me A Break

Posted on February 24, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Still, after six years, I cannot stop the self-recrimination that results from one of The Boy’s meltdowns: “I should have anticipated (fill in the blank)”. It’s a constant subconscious stream of things I should have or could have done to avoid the situation, and why was I so stupid to forget them.

Of course, I don’t really think I’m stupid. But in the heat of the moment, I blame myself for not being capable enough.

So here is my message to myself in the future when I feel this way (feel free to use it yourself, but you might want to insert your own name for maximum effect):

“Hey, Annie! Guess what? You can’t anticipate everything!! It’s not physically nor mentally possible. There’s no way you could know that xy&z were going to happen, causing The Boy to do ab&c. Stuff happens. You just have to do the best you can, try to roll with the ‘stuff’ as best you can, and hope that it will pass soon. Breathe…”

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I know I’ll need to hear (read) it in the future. I just hope I listen.

Boy Bonding

Posted on February 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Man and The Boy have a ritual. When The Man is here (or when we are there), they have evening wrestling matches, which are entertainment for everyone in the room. Here, we have an old futon mattress, which we use as a crash pad, and that is our “wrestling mat”. They have three rounds of two minutes apiece, and they try to take each other down (The Man uses this time to try to teach him actual wrestling moves). This allows them to be goofy, and have their own “thing” that The Boy looks forward to all day long. The Boy even dresses like a luchador, complete with mask and sometimes long underwear, and this week, The Man even got into it and developed his own costume. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, but I think he would kill me if I posted pictures of him, so you will have to settle for pictures of The Boy.

Without really knowing it, they are also providing The Boy with much needed (and craved) deep pressure, as The Boy is often hyposensitive (the type of kid who crashes into walls and loves water because s/he can’t always feel where his/her skin ends). It’s also a fantastic way for them to relate to each other and build their own fond memories of each other.

Understanding

Posted on February 19, 2013 by simpleijustdo

On days like today, I wish I could put my forehead against his and project to him what I am thinking so he could understand. We are having a hard time communicating, and everything is getting lost in translation. No, you cannot keep a magazine that got left in the bathroom and is now covered in pee. No, I do not have a piece of paper without a crease in the middle. No, there is nothing we can do about it. No, we can’t go get a new battery for your watch this very second. No, it is not my fault. “No” does not mean I am being mean. “No” does not mean that I do not love you. Please calm down. Please understand.

What’s Working

Posted on February 16, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I talk about a lot of stuff that I’m going to do, but I don’t always get back to you and let you know what’s working, so…

The cold oatmeal in a jar? That’s been working! Like clockwork. Except just in the last week or so, I’ve been getting a little sick of it, so I’m going to switch up some flavors.
The 6-Shelf Sweater Sorter! The Boy actually filled it himself this past weekend and was proud of himself for doing so. And the best part is that he is wearing every pair of his pants now, not the same pair every day. Success! It also keeps me on track with making sure the laundry gets done so it can be filled.
It’s early days yet, but the Magnetic Menu Planner is working SO well! It helps with making the grocery list, and reminding me what’s planned (and what needs to be defrosted, etc.). I have been cooking like a fiend, and loving it. I’m even freezing leftovers and reducing waste.

Another success I’ve had recently is with chores. I have written about allowance, and not basing it on chores before, but saw this post about how to make a visual chart for kids, and allowing them to have input. I implemented only the chart of what gets done each day, and The Boy is actually doing chores (like wiping the kitchen counter, and picking up his things)! The best part? We haven’t even talked about allowance – he’s doing it because I need him to help out (and I need to teach him basic living skills). You can’t get any better than that.

Take a minute and think about what’s working for you lately. Let us know how it’s going in the comments below.

Got Your Summer Booked Yet?

Posted on February 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

One of the biggest anxieties The Boy has about moving is that he will miss his ESY program (that’s Extended School Year, if you weren’t aware). ESY is a service that public schools provide to children who would otherwise take a drastic step backward in their academic and behavioral progress if they did not continue a type of school structure through the summer months. Many districts keep this service on the down-low because if parents don’t know about it, and don’t ask about it, and they don’t happen to mention it at the IEP, they don’t have to have a program and pay for it. I know districts that do this on purpose, intimately. Some districts even go so far as to tell parents that their children don’t need it, just so that they don’t have to have a program…

But The Boy’s district has a fabulous program, although it has scaled back even in the five years The Boy has attended, I’m assuming due to funding cuts. In any case, he digs it. Looks forward to it, and collects the T-shirts (even from years before he attended, thanks to an awesome gift from his amazing ASD teacher). It’s like really, really laid back school. But it’s structure, and school-like, so The Boy can’t get enough.

Now, when we move, from what I can tell, there is nothing like that where we will be. Plan B is a summer program offered either by the Boys and Girls Club or the City Parks and Rec department. If it isn’t Boy-friendly (i.e. they’re not used to having special needs kids participate…), it soon will be. I can guarantee that.

I just hope we can get him in a daily program with enough structure that he will enjoy it, and maybe meet some new friends. It breaks my heart that he won’t be able to attend ESY, but I hope with a little planning and forethought, we can find him the next best thing.

Wish us luck!

Strategy for Meltdown Recovery (For Mom!)

Posted on February 8, 2013 by simpleijustdo

In the immediate aftermath of a “rough morning” (which usually includes some lost thing, screaming, blaming, slammed doors, etc…) I am shaken. Someone will say “Good Morning!” and I can barely respond. I will often cry in the car on the way to work, not for a specific hurt, but because it is a release from the anxiety and tension that were at sky-high levels only moments ago.

Usually, a rough morning means a crappy day, because I am distracted and upset, which leads to less focus on work, which leads to less work getting done, and so on…

But today, I made a split second decision that helped me recover. I decided to take the surface streets to work instead of the express way, and I decided to stop at a convenience store that I know carries my favorite sweet tea. I picked up my tea and some peanut butter crackers, and happily munched and drank on my way to work. By the time I got there, I was MUCH better off than I usually am on a rough morning. I won’t always have the time to do this, because rough mornings often lead to being late to work, but I have found a coping strategy that works, and it makes me happy.

Tackling a Few Myths About Autism

Posted on February 7, 2013 by simpleijustdo

How can there still be so much misinformation about autism? I understand that there is a lot of research going on, and there is still a lot that is unknown, but really? Here are a few common misconceptions:

People with autism do not have empathy.

My son has empathy. There have been times (like on my birthday a few years ago), where I thought he lacked a shred of it, but there have been times that he has comforted me when I was crying or upset, or just needed a hug. In fact there are many who will say that people on the spectrum have too much empathy, and that is why they have to distance themselves from others, because they just feel too much. I particularly like Diary of a Mom’s post on this subject.

People with autism are either really good at things or really bad at things.

I believed this one for awhile, too, thinking The Boy was just really, really smart. At everything. And he is extremely bright. But you know what? He doesn’t get math too well. He has a great ear for music, is a wonderful speller, doesn’t like to read a whole bunch, although he can, and at a high level of comprehension. But math is not his best subject. I used to think it was because he didn’t like it, which is partly true. Truth be told, he struggles with it, and I’m not sure I can say it’s just because he’d rather be playing video games. But he doesn’t fail math either. In fact, he usually gets Cs.

People with autism do not have good eye contact.

This is one of the reasons I was not so sure he was on the spectrum in the very early days. In everything I had heard, this was the number one “sign your child may have autism” and it just didn’t bear true for The Boy. He was a happy, giggly boy, and did not avoid eye contact as an infant, toddler, or small child. It is more apparent now, but this is not a hard and fast rule for all children on the spectrum, by any means.

People with autism may not have it forever.

This site, which attempts to address some myths about autism, actually has this listed as fact, rather than a myth! This is basic stuff, here people. There is no cure. Autism is a neurological disorder, and you cannot “fix” a neurological disorder. You can, with early intervention and therapy “retrain the brain” to function more typically, but autism is for keeps. And this “research that shows you may outgrow autism” consists of one study. With fewer than 40 participants. What’s really at work here is those early interventions and therapies allowing those with autism to be able to function more typically in society, rather than not having autism anymore. They just hide it better. (Won’t it be a great day when our children don’t have to hide their true selves?)

What are some other myths you’ve encountered?

His Latest Obsession

Posted on February 5, 2013 by simpleijustdo

His latest obsession is killing me. Ever since he returned home from being at his dad’s for two weeks, it has been non-stop cats: dressing like a cat (which consists of sticking a scarf in your pantwaist), meowing, crawling on the floor, and talking about “Gary”, his imaginary cat.

The Boy’s hands after he returned from his dad’s in January…

Today, I snapped. Not feeling well and trying to get some rest, I asked if we could take a break from the meowing. And as soon as the words left my lips I knew what a mistake I had made. You just can’t suggest that he take a break from his obsession. That would be like asking someone to take a break from their career. It’s not that easy.

But it’s driving me batty. Mostly because I can’t really help him make this one useful. And he keeps asking about when he can get a cat, and when I will outgrow my allergy. And I’m not a huge fan of cats to begin with. If the “visitor cat” were coming around, he’d get his fix that way, but I don’t think he’ll be coming around with multiple inches of snow on the ground.

And so. I’m at an impasse. And slowly going insane.

Bec at snagglebox.com wrote an amazing post about this very topic. I think I need to re-read it a few hundred times to get me through this.