Author Archives: simpleijustdo

Questions

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Lots of questions today.  As usual, in the car.

The Boy:”Why is it just you and me?”

Me: “What do you mean?  Are you asking why your dad and I got divorced?”

B: “Yeah.”

M: “Your dad and I just didn’t get along anymore.  That happens sometimes.”

B: “Are you going to change your last name?”

M: “If The Man and I get married, that will probably happen.”

B: “Will my name change too?”

M: “That’s up to you.  Do you want it to change?”

(no answer)

B: “Are you and The Man going to have any more kids?  Will I get a brother?”

M: “Nope.”

B: “Why not?”

M: “The Man and I are too old to have any more kids.  So it’ll be just you.”

B: “I’m going to have a bunch of kids.  A whole pile.”

M: “Don’t you think you better check with your wife first?”

B: “I’m going to have a lot of kids.”

—

This entire conversation took place in the space of about one minute.  Such heady stuff for a 10 year old.  I sometimes find it difficult not to let my surprise (that he’s asking about these things) show.  These are, of course, things that we have talked about before (OK, maybe not the “pile” of kids thing, but the other stuff).  I think he finds comfort in the consistency of my answers.  That’s my theory anyway.  I hope he does.

A Poet in My Own Mind: “Autism”

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I enjoy writing.  Always have.  I took a creative writing course in college and had a great deal of fun, especially with poetry.  Fun does not necessarily translate into good, so I apologize in advance.  I’m not the type to subject my poetry on others, but when I ran across this poem that I must have written in a desperate moment, I’m guessing about three years ago (based on the Wubbzy reference), I thought it might resonate with others going through similar desperate moments.

Autism

Short

definition:

A neurological disorder…

Long

definition:

Something not quite

right.  Speech delay

Speech therapy, Occupational

therapy (hypersensitive, hyposensitive,

Gross motor – Gross like large not like

yucky, fine motor) From flashcards

to reading two years ahead

Obsess, obsess, Obsession

for months (Pizza rolls every single

night for dinner) (Wubbzy AGAIN?)

laughing, joking, never gets

old.  Still no empathy.

Logical, linear, Spock-like, must

follow the rules, follow the law, follow the

schedule.  No deviation, no changes, no

surprises, no fire drills or we derail.

anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

lay the clothes out, take the meds, follow the

schedule.  Nothing dirty, no holes, no stains,

hide the clothes when they get too small.  Still

might come back to bite you,

kick you, pull your hair, scream, cry, lie

down in the middle of the aisle

suffer the stares, the whispers, the grandma shaking her head, “Mm, mm, mm.”

(must learn that Vulcan death grip – what happens

when he gets bigger?)

What happens next? One day

One day at a time, one day

one day

Breathe, exhale and relax.

Lunch and the Picky Eater: Update

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Two Ritz Crackers

Two Ritz Crackers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We are heading into the 5th week of school, and we have been fairly successful replacing the lunchables in The Boy’s lunch.  We have tried various types of bread products for the pizza “crust” — whole grain English muffins (healthy by not so tasty), regular plain bagel halves (tasty but not so healthy), and finally whole wheat deli thins (healthy and tasty).  The only downside so far, is that he has pizza pretty much every day.  I have tried to throw in some turkey, cheese, and crackers, and even went so far as to cut the turkey into pacman shapes with cookie cutters.  This usually ends up being a 2-day lunch — he doesn’t eat it all (or any of it), so I send it in the next day for a re-do.  We tried various types of crackers for this lunch, as well, finally settling on whole wheat Ritz, which The Boy will even eat plain.

I was worried about his not eating all (or any) of his lunch when we started this, because there were days when his lunchbag would come home looking untouched.  Lo and behold, at Back to School night, his teacher explained that this happens because he is too busy talking and socializing with his buddies… What??… Fantastic!!

Next, I will try to get some different toppings in that pizza lunch (ham?), and I’m going to attempt nacho chips and cheese sauce (homemade), with some crumbled bacon for some extra protein.  We’ll try that in the test-kitchen (at home) first.

What goes into your little ones’ lunches?

Dating and the Single Mom

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The second guy I dated post-divorce looked great on paper.  He was an engineer, about my age.  He had a daughter, so he knew what single parenting was like.  He not only listened to NPR, he liked the same programs I did.  And he read books.  We seemed to hit it off in our emails, and agreed to go out on a date after I returned from Spring Break (this was back in 2009).  We met for coffee and walked around town a bit.  It was OK, but I wasn’t sure about seeing him again. We get along well, and there were times when we were talking when I forgot I was on a first date with the guy. I had a good time. He was a bit geeky, but so am I. I just got the feeling that he said things because he thought he was supposed to say them, and I didn’t like that. I just wasn’t sure.

John Denver's Greatest Hits

John Denver’s Greatest Hits (Photo credit: thejcgerm)

The next week, I had tickets to see David Sedaris and no one to go with, so I figured I’d give the guy another chance because first dates can be nerve-wracking.  Afterwards, I tried to pinpoint the moment in the evening when I decided it was a no-go… Maybe it was the suggestion to go canoeing that weekend (I had already explained my aversion to camping-type activities)? Or was it the “Who is your favorite musician?” question (Really? Do people still ask things like that? And hello, I teach music!), or the revelation shortly thereafter that his favorite was John Denver?… Yes, we seemed to get along well, but he wasn’t all that interesting or funny, and he stared at me A LOT. Maybe it was the mention of going to some weekend-long bike race the following month… Or the thousand times he asked me something I’d already told him…

In any case, David Sedaris was hilarious, and it was well worth it all. I would follow that man on his book tour like a groupie if I didn’t have a day job.

And I learned a bit more about what I wanted and and more precisely, didn’t want in a partner.  Always a good thing to figure out when you are a dating single mom.

PS I’m not a John Denver hater.  His Christmas album with the Muppets gets played every year in my house.  But favorite musician of all time??…

Our Story

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Every family with autism has a “story” — not really about them, but about how they came to know about autism, and the battles they have fought, sometimes with insurance companies, sometimes with money, and always with their own emotions.  … Continue reading →