Why I Love Field Day

Posted on June 7, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Most teachers aren’t very fond of field day. In fact, in my district it was even the source of a fierce battle about prep time awhile back. But I love it. At least I love it when my kid has it.

His field day was last week. I think he even chose a special “athletic-themed” outfit for that day, choosing to wear his T-shirt from the special needs baseball camp he has been to the past two summers. It doesn’t hurt that he loves his gym teacher, and wants to be one when he grows up.

His school gives each kid a long ticket-type thing that lists the various activities, that get punched as they visit the stations, and they can also be recognized on the ticket for showing good sportsmanship (or having an “oops!” moment, but The Boy has never earned an “oops!” he is proud to tell me).

Here’s why I love it so much: I often have no clue about what happens at school, because he just chooses not to tell me (thank goodness his ASD teacher sends home a daily communication log to let me know about highlights, or I’d be completely in the dark!). But on field day, we have a nice long conversation. When I pick The Boy up from Kids Club, and with the ticket in hand, I ask him about each one with a punch next to it. I ask him to explain how it works, and whether or not he liked it (he always likes them all). And he does tell me — at length! I have a guide that tells me what to ask him about his day, and I do, and he responds. That’s a big thing for us. And I enjoy it a great deal.

A Solo Venture

Posted on June 6, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy has been anxiously awaiting the opening of the pool at the big park near us, and it finally opened Memorial Day weekend. Except it was cold that weekend. And then we’ve had lots and lots of rain. So he’s been a bit focused about being able to go to the pool. I suggested we do it last week for Fun Friday, and he was all for it. And then it rained, again.

I told him we could go the next morning, so we did. We stepped outside and realized it was not altogether warm, mainly due to the wind, and there were some gray clouds looming, but I couldn’t put him off any longer.

We arrived, paid our admission, and went to get a locker and put on sunscreen. We emerged to the pool area to realize that we were the only ones there, and were rousting the teenage lifeguards from huddling in their sweats in the “office”…

I set the timer, and he gadded about, going down the slide, jumping off the diving board, all while five lifeguards looked on. And I felt kind of bad for them, and then I stopped – they were getting paid, so they could sit and watch my kid for awhile!

After a good half hour, a few more people straggled in, and then a few more. By the time we left there were maybe 11 people in the pool, but it was all good. It was warm when the sun came out from behind the clouds, The Boy had a great time, and had no problem leaving when it was time to go, except to say, “Maybe we can come when it’s warmer next time…”

🙂

A Wedding For Under $500

Posted on June 5, 2013 by simpleijustdo

If you’ve ever been on Pinterest for any length of time, you’ll have noticed all the pins about how cheaply you can throw a wedding: for under $12,000, for under $7,000, for under $5,000…

Here’s where we stand:

Bride’s dress: $4 (I ordered it from ModCloth and had to pay shipping, but the dress was free. They had screwed up slightly on a previous order, and sent me coupon code for $50 off, which I saved for the right time)
Bride’s shoes: $7 (never-used pair of sandals from the thrift store)
Bride’s headband: $16 in materials, handmade by me!
Bridal Jewelry: $0 (handmade by my mom!)
Groom’s clothing: $0 (shorts, a polo, and his Keens)
Wedding venue: $0 (public park on the waterfront with a small gazebo, so no fee is required to reserve)
Officiant: $180
Flowers: $10 – 50? (I’m thinking of either heading to the grocery store for a bouquet or ordering a bouquet online to arrive the day before the wedding, and in either case, just using a few blooms from it)
Handmade bowl: $0 (for The Boy to hold the rings, handmade by my friend, an art teacher, and featuring the imprint of my grandma’s crochet *sniff*)
License: $60
Rings: $100? (I know we can get a nice set on Etsy for $80-100, but haven’t ordered them yet)
Reception: $0 (Not having one! – just heading to dinner with family and close friends)

No cake, no invitations (although The Man seems to have invited the whole town to the ceremony!), no chair covers, no favors, no place cards, no limo, no boutonnieres, no formal photographer, no bridal party, no DJ…

We don’t need it. We’ll have each other, and The Boy, and the people closest to us on the planet. What more could a bride want?

PS No pictures now, because I want to share pics from the wedding afterwards!

Whoa, Part 2

Posted on June 4, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Have you ever heard of the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale? It’s this list of major life events (some good, some not-so-good) that these two researchers determined create levels of stress that have the ability to affect your health. And they ranked them. They have a list for adults, and another list for “non-adults”.

If I added it all up, I think it would be safe to say that with everything coming our way in the next little bit, The Boy, The Man, and I are at least at moderate risk. And I think these multiple list-entries are at the root of my mildly-erratic mood swings of late. I feel like I’m hormonal, except that I’m not.

Awareness has to count for something, though. And being a little forgiving to myself is a good thing, right? Like not getting too upset with myself that I ordered The Man’s one-way ticket the wrong way… Oops. Somehow, it will all get done. Somehow…

Why I Chose to Date as a Single Mom

Posted on June 3, 2013 by simpleijustdo

“Don’t let your struggle be your identity.”

Yes, I actively pursued dating after divorce, as a single mom, as a special needs parent. Yes, I did. Some moms in similar situation choose not to, choosing instead to, “wait until their children are grown,” or maybe even give up the idea of ever being with someone again. “The kids come first,” they often say. And I don’t disagree. Not every child, nor even every special needs child is like mine. Some have more intense needs, and I am not judging anyone who has made this decision for themselves, because I can’t know your personal situation – only you do.

I love being a mom, and that is an integral part of my identity. I would never give it up, I would never trade that for anything in the world. But it isn’t all of me. I am much more complex. I have my own desires, needs, dreams, foibles, interests, and personality quirks. I have my own life. Being a mom to a special needs child is part of it, but it isn’t it.

We only have one life. I want to live with as little regret as possible, which means doing the best I can, while stretching my personal limits a bit, growing, and learning all the time. Having a non-existent social life would be a huge source of regret for me.

Also, I want my child to understand that I was put on this planet to be his mom, but also to be a lot of other things, just as he was put on this planet to be my son, and also a lot of other things. He has autism, but he has a lot of other really cool stuff that make up his identity.

“Don’t let your struggle be your identity.”

That is what I wish for him, and I hope I am modeling that for him by living my life to the fullest.

PS ~ I couldn’t find an attribution for the quote – if anyone knows, please mention in the comments!

A Packing Tip: Necklaces

Posted on June 2, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I was a packing fiend today, and managed to get just about everything packed up in my bedroom, including my jewelry. Remember my storage board for necklaces? It was fairly simple to pack up all those necklaces using some Glad Press n’ Seal:

I put some, sticky side up underneath each set of necklaces, and arranged them so that there was some space in between every strand. Then I placed another piece of Press n’ Seal, stckiy-side down on top, pressing it into all of those spaces.

When I was finished, I slid the tops of the necklaces off of the hooks, finished pressing the pieces together, and rolled them up lengthwise to pack in a box. So easy! (and much easier if you turn the cieling fan off first, so it doesn’t blow your Press n’ Seal all around so that it sticks to itself…)

You Are Not a Failure

Posted on June 1, 2013 by simpleijustdo

A mom posted on Single mothers who have children with autism’s facebook page about feeling like a failure because her son was being pulled from mainstreamed classes, and placed into a special education classroom. My heart breaks when I read things like that.

I think every Special Needs Parent has those moments, hours, days, weeks, or even years, when we feel like we are the biggest failures on the planet, and we feel that pain so much more deeply because we know how much our kids need us not to fail. But. We can not allow ourselves to feel that way for too long, for that very same reason – our kids need us to pick ourselves up and keep rolling that rock up the mountain. It’s OK to fall, to stumble, to crawl into bed and lock the door once in awhile (assuming everyone else is relatively safe). But we can’t stay there, and we definitely can’t get into the habit of pointing fingers at ourselves too often.

Maybe it would help to remember those naysayers we have all encountered. The ignorant, mean-spirited people we have come across. And then in our weakest moments, imagine what kind of a job they would do in our place. You see, no one is perfect, and none of us were prepared for this job. And there was certainly no manual. But we are some of the quickest studies on the planet. We can read our children’s faces down to the slightest waggle of an eyebrow, and be able to interpret emotion from it. We can come up with backup plans on the fly, salvage nasty situations, and calm our children when no one else can. In the eyes of our children, we are MOM (or DAD), the one and only. Learning from mistakes is part of the game. It’s not learning from them that is a failure.

Be nice to yourself, parents. Try not to beat yourself up too bad. It’s a waste of energy, and you’ve got too much other stuff to do!

Your Most Pressing Liebster Questions, Answered!

Posted on May 31, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Well, Meredith from Looking Up With Down Syndrome nominated me for the Liebster Award, and I’m going to attempt to answer a few of her questions today.

1. Why do you blog?

I have always loved to write. If I hadn’t taught music, I would have taught Language Arts, because words are my thing. I get that from my mom. I also blog because I’m not too far from the bewilderment of getting a diagnosis of autism for my son, and also the crazy, life-altering process that is divorce. Neither experience was fun, and it was difficult to find resources at first. It still can be, even in this day and age. Writing this blog helps me to help others, all the while processing my own learning curve with autism, with parenting solo, with blending a family — all of it! In my book, it’s a win-win-win!

2. What are you passionate about?

There are so many people on this planet who have less than I do, whether it’s food, money, resources, opportunities… I know in my heart of hearts that I was put on this planet to help people, and that’s what I get passionate about. Over the past several years, I’ve come to believe that while government programs are definitely needed and have their place, nonprofits are going to have to be a part of the solution to the world’s most dire problems, because governments are fickle and changing (and usually broke). It’s going to all come down to each one of us, helping our neighbors, friends, and fellow humans.

3. Who do you admire?

I admire everyday people who stand up for others. I admire the strength of regular people who have so much to deal with on a daily basis. I admire people who think before speaking, and people who always strive to do their best. I admire people who keep their word, and people who are compassionate. I admire people who are non-judgmental, and people who are not too proud.

How about you, dear readers? How would you answer these questions?

Money and Change

Posted on May 30, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Hands down, the biggest change that The Boy and I will be experiencing centers around money. I have been so lucky to live and work where I do, because teachers here make a decent wage. Without the third person in the house, and with an increasing salary, I was able to crawl out of the debt that was largely due to the ex’s money mismanagement, and then provide a life for my son, virtually free from want.

In about a month, I will be unemployed. I will get paid through the summer, and God willing, I will be employed again by the time those paychecks stop coming. But I know I will not be making anywhere near what I have been making.

Now, before you start freaking out on my behalf (because I really have put a lot of thought into this move, contrary to what most people think), we will not have a mortgage or rent payment. And if you give that fact it’s due consideration, you will understand why this move is not nearly so scary as it might have seemed. For most people, the house payment is the biggest chunk of their pay, usually 25-33% of their monthly income. In addition, insurance is substantially lower (at least half of what we pay here), and we will have no water bill (well water). The Man is very handy, and the labor portion of any home repair bills (and even some minor car repair bills) will be nonexistent, as well.

We have considered selling my rather new car in exchange for an older, yet reliable car, eliminating the one car payment between us (not sure we’ll do this, but it is on the table — we both feel if you aren’t making payments, you’re paying repair bills). We also intend to plant a garden, if not fully-fledged this year, then at least by next, to supplement our groceries (we have really good soil – used to be a potato farm!).

Where I do anticipate some difficulties adjusting to a blended checking account will be in the food department. The Man loves the convenience store, and often eats out, sometimes for lunch and dinner. The Boy and I eat out about once a week, with all other meals coming from our weekly groceries. Of course, we may also have a discussion or two about where to keep the thermostat, too…

I just found this lovely series from The Peaceful Mom, on how to live on under $28K a year. You should check it out – lots of great tips on how to live more frugally (without couponing). I’m hoping we can use some of these in the near future (I’m thinking a clothesline would be nice!).

What money-saving tips have you used?

Liebster Awarded Again!

Posted on May 29, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award again (Thank You, Meredith, from Looking Up With Down Syndrome – LOVE that title!), but I promise not to bore you with a super-long post this time (and I guess I really better work on getting some more followers so I don’t qualify for this award anymore!). I’m going to take Little Bird’s Dad‘s lead and use Meredith’s questions for upcoming posts.

First I have to give you 11 facts about myself, so that’s what I’ll do today:

I’m average height for a female in the US (actually o.4″ taller, but I’m not splitting hairs).
I also have fairly average feet, although the average US shoe size for women has grown over the past few decades, and is now an 8, while I still wear a 7.
My song of the day is Get Lucky (featuring Pharrell Williams) by Daft Punk – it’s great packing music!
My favorite flower is the Gerber Daisy.
My most-watched movie is The Princess Bride – it can be annoying to watch it with me because I tend to say all of the lines along with the movie – can’t help it.
I’m a hopeless Anglophile, and visiting Britain is high up on my bucket list.
I usually only eat red meat once or twice a week. It’s not really a conscious choice, but it makes me feel better.
I once took an Esperanto class (with my mom).
I should have considered being a linguist – I love words and languages and how they develop.
Just started Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, not realizing how long it was (one drawback of the kindle)…
I’m growing my own basil from seeds, and I haven’t killed them yet!