IEPs and Trust

Posted on April 23, 2015 by simpleijustdo

It’s IEP season again, and we have our appointment set. We’ve also had a curious email from The Boy’s program teacher. She was excited to tell me that they were going to offer science and social studies in a special ed classroom next year, as well as math and language arts, which The Boy already has. He would be with students who are “academically equivalent” to him, but in classes taught by resource teachers. He would still have access to her social skills class and his elective classes.

Considering the goal of special education is to place students in the least restrictive environment, and considering he would lose virtually all access to his neurotypical peers, I politely pointed out that I did not think this would be an appropriate placement for The Boy. His program teacher cautioned me not to make any decisions just yet, because she felt this would be a good placement for him “due to his academics”. Curious, because The Boy has gotten all A’s and B’s this year. I told her I wouldn’t rule it out, but at this time, I didn’t think it would work for him.

I added a post-script, and asked if she thought the pilot program in which The Boy participates in the Middle School would extend to the high school, to which she replied that she didn’t think so.

Fast-forward to a few days ago, when I heard from a friend whose son is in the program, as well. She said she heard they may not continue the program at all, as in not even for next year’s 8th graders… And the tumbler clicks into place.

Even though I trust this person with my child each day, I cannot take her suggestions to heart because I fear she has been directed to encourage me to accept this put-all-the-kids-in-resource-room plan so that they can both comply with IEPs and discontinue the program. Once we change the IEP to say he needs to be in resource, they no longer have to fund a paraprofessional to be with him in his general ed classes. It’s not what’s best for the kids, but what’s best for the school district.

Silly school district! They continue to underestimate me, because I know the law, and I know my son’s rights. They are going to have to have data to back up that he is “academically lacking” in his general ed classes to show that he needs so much more support as to be placed in a self-contained classroom, and removed from the general ed curriculum. And they don’t have it.

Let the games begin.

All It Takes is One Dumb Bus Driver

Posted on April 1, 2015 by simpleijustdo

This past Friday, The Boy was left behind by his bus.

Our outside light was on, and our front window blinds (all three of them) were open. The driver rolled up to our house early, honked once, waited less than 10 seconds, and then turned around in the cul de sac and left.

Recently, when our regular bus driver began to arrive earlier and earlier, we worked out an arrangement with her. She now waits for him, and does not expect him to exit the house until around 6:30am, which has been his expectation and his routine for the entire school year.

When the bus left on Friday, I ran out to the porch, waving my arms, to no avail. The Boy began to get upset, wondering how he was going to get to school. We were in a panic. I called the transportation office who informed me there was a substitute bus driver, and assured me that they would instruct her to come back to pick The Boy up. In the meantime, he had returned to bed, unwilling to go to school if he was going to be late.

At this point, The Man offered to take The Boy to school himself (along with a bribe of a donut) so that he could arrive on time. I gave The Boy the choice of waiting for his bus to return, or going with The Man, and he chose to go with The Man.

When the bus arrived, I went out to speak with the driver. She interrupted me before I could get my first sentence out, was extremely defensive and rude, making faces at me, and interrupting me many, many times. She even challenged the truth of what I was saying, and pulled another child up from his seat to “bear witness” that The Boy was not visible when she was there. I told her the arrangement we had with our regular bus driver, but she seemed much more concerned about whether or not I was accusing her of being late, which I obviously wasn’t. I was shaking by the time I was finished and stalked back into the house.

Incidents like these can not only have immediate and damaging effects (like a meltdown, or refusal to go to school), but they can also have lasting effects on children like The Boy. It will be a long, long time before he can trust that his bus will not leave him behind. Drivers need to have patience with all students, but especially with those with special needs. Would this driver have waited ten seconds after honking and driven off if The Boy was in a wheelchair? Probably not, but she appeared to not have any regard for The Boy’s specific needs.

Everyone employed by the school district that comes into contact with our kiddos should have training about what autism is, the core deficits children with autism have, and how each employee can help students with special needs find success throughout their school day. Anything less is not acceptable.

This is a large excerpt from the letter I am sending to the Director of Transportation, courtesy copied to the Director of Special Education and the Superintendent. I ain’t playin’ and it’s not over if you’re going to be rude to me.

6 Ways Schools Could Open Doors for Students with Special Needs

Posted on March 17, 2015 by simpleijustdo

Public schools are being asked to do so much right now, and so much of what they are being forced to do is a waste of time. Music and the arts are being cut, students are overloaded with standardized tests, and even recess is being shortened so work can be completed. In short, schools are being forced to run like businesses, but our children are not raw materials, nor are they products. They are children. And when the pendulum swings back (I hope to God it does), when more rational heads prevail in remembering that we are teaching human beings how to be human beings, rather than filling little heads with facts, maybe then the schools will have an opportunity to begin filling gaps and opening doors for our students with special needs. Here are some ways they could begin:

Mentor/Mentee programs These programs connect students with an adult in the school community who can meet with them on a regular basis, build a positive relationship, and provide guidance to students. The Boy has built this kind of relationship with the business and computer teacher at school, quite organically. He doesn’t even have her as a teacher, but they use time with her as a reward for positive behaviors at school, and she is often a reason he wants to go to school.
Peer to Peer programs I’ve written about how successful these programs can be not only for students with special needs, but for typical students, as well. Building Relationships between kids, and providing avenues for them to learn about each other as people can only result in good things. When everyone’s needs are met, bullying just isn’t a thing.
Peer Mediation programs These programs foster conflict resolution skills in our young people. At first they are taught and coached through the steps of providing mediation for peers who are in conflict. After practice, they become second nature, and the students involved with these programs become leaders, as they have the skills to help their peers relate to each other in positive ways.
Social Skills programs Carving time out of a busy school day to provide direct instruction to students about how to initiate and maintain positive social interaction seems like it makes perfect sense for those students who naturally have defects in this area. It can also make perfect sense for those students you may assume has these skills already, but may not, or may struggle with these skills privately.
Critical Thinking Instruction More than anything else, we need to be teaching students how to really think, rather than regurgitate readily available information. We need to be teaching them how to make rational decisions, how to determine whether a source is credible, how to examine their own thoughts and opinions, and how to interpret the world around them. For special needs students, this can be especially difficult, but even more necessary as we prepare them for their adulthoods with varying degrees of assistance.
Creativity and Problem Solving Instruction Children today do not have much opportunity to be creative. And when we cut art and music programs, we are essentially saying that being creative is not a high priority in today’s job market – what could be further from the truth? There are many ways teachers can provide opportunities within their current limitations to foster creativity and problem solving, and many ways we can help special needs students be creative.

The great thing about school programs that benefit students with special needs is that they often benefit all students. We assume that typical kids don’t struggle with the same things as those with special needs do, but they do. They are often better at hiding it, because it may not be as dire a struggle. What middle schooler do you know that wouldn’t benefit from a social skills class or a peer to peer program? What kindergartner wouldn’t benefit from some opportunities to be creative? What person on Earth would not benefit from having a mentor?

When we finally do something to correct the course of public schools, and begin to focus on the person rather than the content, these 6 programs would be a good start to guiding all of our students to being better human beings.

5 Ways to Support the Newly Diagnosed

Posted on February 10, 2015 by simpleijustdo

I often think back to the day we got The Boy’s diagnosis. The ex and I went our separate ways – he went back to work, and I drove to a nearby Kmart parking lot to process (i.e. cry my eyes out, hyperventilate, ask myself over and over “What are we going to do?” and eventually call a close friend to talk me through it. Thank God for her.) The psychologist we had seen had written “Autism Society of America” on the back of a business card, suggested we look them up, and said goodbye.

Once I collected myself, I still didn’t know what I needed, or what our next steps were. As I think most do, I went to the internet. Unfortunately, the internet is a big place, and I’m not sure the right tools and support are readily accessible to someone doing their first post-diagnosis search.

So how can we support parents who are new to this whole kit and caboodle?

1. Support local nonprofits that directly help our kiddos. The more those groups are supported, the more visible they can be in the community, and the more likely it will be that someone hearing that diagnosis for the first time will recognize the group as a resource they can use. This means supporting them with money, with attendance at events and workshops, and with your volunteer hours. Yes, volunteer hours. It may seem like we have the perfect excuse not to volunteer, but we have to give back if only to our own community – if we don’t, who will?

2. Make your presence known at the school. Kids with a new diagnosis will have parents with questions. They will most likely be asking those questions at the school. If you have maintained a good relationship with staff while dealing with the school, they may just see you as a resource for parents who are new to this whole shindig, and may pass your name along. Or if there is a group of you parents, even a social group, that goes for you, too. Schools really do want to help, and may attempt to connect someone with questions to those who may have answers (that’s you!).

3. Use social media to post “the good stuff” to your friends, and encourage them to share it. Parents who have questions will inevitably be some of your friends, or friends of friends, and so on. The more “the good stuff” gets shared and posted, the more people will see it, the more it will be found by those searching for it. That’s how the interwebs works for good.

4. When they come to your group, be welcoming. You may think this goes without saying, but groups are a funny thing. Sometimes, a group can get an attitude with newbies, and can be judgmental. You don’t have to like everyone who comes to the group for help and support, but the fact remains they need help (and they may need more help than others!).

5. Respect the process. People react differently to the news of a diagnosis. Some will immediately seek out others for help, while others will remain private and need to sort through things on their own. Don’t be pushy. Allow them to come to terms with it, and just be a friend. Just knowing there are others who are going through what you are going through goes a long way, especially at the beginning.

Special needs parents have many, many roles. One of them should be “guide to others who have just joined the group.” What would you add to this list?

Extra-Curricular Activities and the Autistic Child

Posted on April 29, 2014 by simpleijustdo

I read and shared a great article the other day, written by Laura McKenna, entitled, “Our Public Schools Must Be More Autism-Friendly — Here’s Where to Start,” and published on the Pacific Standard Magazine website. In it, Ms. McKenna highlights ways in which schools could be more inclusive with their extra-curricular offerings. She makes an excellent point, as may of the kids I know on the spectrum do not participate in clubs and sports, due to the level of social sophistication that is required for inclusion. But that only allows our children partial access to everything the school experience has to offer.

The Boy and I have made the decision to continue with school band next year. I have spoken to the band director, and we are going to take a proactive approach, and really monitor what needs to be modified and accommodated for him, even in terms of performances. I am comfortable with that, and if I ever get uncomfortable with the situation, I can pull The Boy out and continue with private lessons, which was my intention when the whole band debacle went down this winter. But here’s the thing: I realize now what a social thing school band is, and I understand that this may not work out for The Boy, and that’s OK. But I still want him to belong to his school community, and if it won’t be through band, then how?

We have mostly stuck with independent stuff like surfing

When he dropped him off after spring break, his dad told us all about how they played basketball, and The Boy has a great shot. They also worked on catch, but were not as successful, and they would work on that (uh, right). Sure, if The Boy has interest in playing sports, we could encourage it, but to what end? School sports are also social in nature, with the necessity to read cues from teammates and opponents and to quickly interpret them and decide on a course of collective action – a tall order for someone with underdeveloped social instincts and executive processing difficulties. So he shoots free throws by himself? Again, how does this help him fit into his school community?

Our local Autism Society Chapter has taken on the challenge to fill this void in our community, and I applaud them for it. They have been recognized statewide for creating a “Friends, Fun, and Birthday Club” which happens once a month to celebrate all of the kids birthdays that happen that month. Friends, siblings, and those on the spectrum are all invited – anyone can attend, and since Birthday Parties are kind of a sore spot for the autism community, this meets a very strong need, and is quite successful.

They also have a once-per-month fundraiser at a local pizza restaurant, which has turned out to be a social gathering for the kids on the spectrum and their siblings. They all sit at the same table, away from their parents, and they bring their DS’s and gameboys and have a good ol’ time. It is a sight to behold, and I almost get teary-eyed watching them together.

The chapter offers monthly music and art programs for the kids to participate in, too,and again, friends, siblings, and kids on the spectrum are all welcome.

But again, this is all outside of the school community. Inclusion needs to happen outside of the classroom, as well, and it is high time our schools begin to recognize the void in our kids lives. Yes, we want to allow them the comfort of being alone, but as adults on the spectrum will tell you, they also want to have friends and be a part of the larger group. We have to help them do that, and developing programs to address those needs is long past overdue.

I’m off to share this article with my son’s principal…

A New Placement for The Boy

Posted on November 14, 2013 by simpleijustdo

At our reconvened meeting yesterday, the team reached a consensus that The Boy’s needs would best be met through the pilot program at the school across the county! He and I will visit early next week, and will officially start the Monday of (American) Thanksgiving week, which I hope will give him transition, being a short week.

I have to say that I was intimidated by the number of people that would be there, and I wasn’t sure of everyone’s agendas, but it turned out to be a very positive thing, and a constructive process to arrive at our decision. Everyone there was really interested in what was best for The Boy, and I was very pleased at the level of conversation.

And for all of the hoping I’ve been doing, I know it won’t be “the answer” to all of our problems and issues. Indeed, we may have exchanged new ones for the old. But I truly feel that the depth of knowledge of the special ed staff in regards to autism, the training that the general ed staff has received and continues to receive, and the fact that The Boy has actual friends already at the school will go a lot further towards our goals for him than the program he is currently in.

I’m anxious for him, as it is all another change, and big one (and lots of little ones!), but I’m hopeful. More hopeful than I’ve been in a long time.

I’m Tired

Posted on November 11, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’m tired of responding to emails about The Boy refusing to do his work, or clearing up miscommunications about tests and modified due dates. I’m tired of having meetings that go on and on about how he has basic characteristics of autism. Yup… We knew that already. I’m tired of people who apparently don’t have a dictionary or basic internet access, and still don’t understand what a modification is, or what autism even is in the first place. I’m tired of teachers trying to penalize him for “refusing” to do his work. I’m tired of receiving an email that sends me into a frustrated tailspin for the rest of the day. I’m tired of teaching my son about Egypt and minerals because for some reason they just don’t know how to teach him this stuff at school. I’m tired of politely telling them how poor their assessments are, for any child.

It’s overwhelming, and it has become my full-time job. And it can’t be. Pretty soon, I will not be available at their beck and call, and I will not have hours to prepare lessons for my own son. Because I need to work for real, and earn real money ASAP.

I know he is one of the 70 kids you see in a day (and don’t try to tell me you have more, because you don’t. There are only 70 sixth graders in the school). I know you feel like you don’t have the time to spend on this one child. But if there’s one thing you should have learned over the span of your careers is that the amount of time you spend on each child will never be equal. Some kids need more of your attention, and the equitable thing to do is to provide it, instead of throwing your hands up in the air and saying, “I just don’t know what to do!”

The internet is an amazing thing. You can find YouTube videos on just about anything. Hell, I don’t even teach PE, but I was able to find a resource on how to provide accommodations to students with special needs on the President’s Physical Fitness Test by simply typing all of that into my google search bar. It took me less than 10 seconds.

I just spent an hour searching “autism work refusal” and got some really helpful information from a bunch of sites. It’s not all helpful, but the search provided ideas for how to engage students on the spectrum who will not do classwork (and who won’t even show up for school), rather than punish them, and “hold them accountable”.

My kid loves school. My kid thrived in his old school. My kid has adjusted so incredibly well to the structure of middle school. They have so much in their favor, and they still can’t make it happen.

I can’t make his teachers want to help him, and I can’t help him all on my own. This is my conundrum, and this is why I’m tired.

Thoughts on Homeschooling from a Former Public School Teacher

Posted on October 18, 2013 by simpleijustdo

There has been a recent trend, especially for those on the spectrum, to consider homeschooling and online schooling as an alternative to public school. For the very reason that teachers make mistakes and don’t leave their personal lives at home is why real-live teachers will never and should never be replaced by online classes. One of the lasting lessons that teaching for almost 20 years taught me was that relationships were everything. If the teacher and student can build a relationship, the chances for successful learning (by both parties) grows exponentially. And this is especially true in the case of students with special needs.

However, homeschooling is a different story.

I was against homeschooling for most of my career. I saw the effects of inconsistent homeschooling on a daily basis. Mom would get upset at the school for something, pull her kid out, “homeschool” for awhile until she got tired of it, and return him back to public school, months behind, and a behavior problem to boot because he’d been away from rules and routine for so long. My ex-sister-in-law was a classic example of a mother who “homeschooled” – Her 12 kids “taught” each other with the end result being two boys nearing the age of 20, starting to work as carpenters with their father, and neither of whom knew the correct answer to 8×7…

But…

I have changed my tune pretty quickly. Over the past few years, I have encountered people who have the intelligence and organization to handle it, as well as compelling reasons to homeschool. I was still stuck on the “socialization” issue – how would kids who homeschooled have any social skills if they only interacted with their siblings and parents all day long? But, I have found that Necessity really is the Mother of Invention, and due to the very real needs of kids with autism and other disorders that aren’t being met by the public schools, some very sophisticated networks exist in our region for those who homeschool. Co-ops have been formed so that homeschooled kids can get that socialization, participate in field trips, and even have co-curricular activities like band.

And when public schools are increasingly heading toward a business mentality, and one-size-fits-all curriculum, I think this trend will only increase. I never would have even considered it for my own son, but I look at my skills, and what passes for education here, and let’s just say I am keeping my options open.