promises | Simple. I Just Do.

Homework is an issue.

In the past, The Boy has put up quite a fuss about doing homework, but would usually end up doing it grudgingly. I sometimes made executive decisions about how much we would do, and whether or not we would do it, based on how meaningful I thought it would be. Luckily, teachers over the past couple of years have been fairly understanding.

This week marks our third week in school, and we have had very little to do, thankfully. But on Thursday last week, The Boy dug his heels in and simply refused to write a paragraph for social studies, due the next day. I took away a privilege and wrote an email to his TA and his social studies teacher to give them a heads up.

The next day, we negotiated. We talked about promises, and what it means to give someone your word. He then promised he would do his paragraph 5 minutes after dinner on Monday. We reminded him all weekend about his promise, and he seemed to understand and expect what we had talked about would happen.

Then Monday came.

After dinner, I brought my computer to his room, and the complaining began (“I wasted my time!” is a common refrain). I wheedled and cajoled, reminded him of just how serious it was to give someone your word and go back on it. I asked him how he felt when someone broke a promise to him.

Nothing.

I failed.

I told him I was not going to argue with him about homework all night, but that he had broken a promise, and warned him that the next time he needed me to trust him, I probably wouldn’t because he broke his word. And I sent another email to the school.

This is a common issue in autism households. However, I don’t think I will be able to persuade an IEP team to eliminate homework entirely. Which means I have another nine months of this to look forward to.

Tomorrow’s another day.

A lineup The Boy had me capture at camp

The Man and I are both feeling like The Boy is suffering from a lack of attention, lately. We’re trying to compensate, but if you think about it, we needed him rather out-of-the-way for the move and the unpacking, and now the wedding is upon us. The Boy has rolled with everything relatively well, although his summer day camp turned out to be more different than his previous ESY program than he thought was manageable — we’re still working on it. Upset by the startling lack of computers at the camp, he was mollified a bit by the introduction of his own netbook at home on which he can make PowerPoints.

And of course, Grammy and Poppy have been amazingly accommodating, letting The Boy hang out at their place, and keeping an eye on him while I run errands as we get the house unpacked and ready for guests this weekend.

But both The Man and I feel as if we’ve made some promises on which we haven’t yet followed through, and we’re feeling a little guilty. We talked about a new bike when we donated his old one (which was way too small), as well as a new boogie board, and a new “wrestling” mat. He’s even supposed to get a new Captain-style bed, which The Man will make for him (The Boy likes to call it a “Hidey-hole” bed, because it will have a hiding space underneath), but it hasn’t happened yet.

We try to put it in perspective, and he hasn’t been complaining, but… Those nagging feelings of guilt. The Man and I are both people to whom a promise is no small thing, and we will follow through. In the meantime, we have to make sure to spend time with him (even when he just wants to hole up in room with an electronic device). Luckily, he’s been a great sport, and luckily spending time with him is something we can definitely do right now.