Thanks to my Village

Our crisis-of-the-week has apparently averted. Fantastic Babysitter is doing me a huge favor and providing The Boy a place to stay for a night and transportation to meet the ex on the day he requested.  The ex has relented (and apparently forgotten the crazy-making way he treated me/us) and has agreed to pick The Boy up according to the new plan.  How could he say no?

SmileIf left to my own devices, this would not have been possible.  If not for a friend at work who suggested the plan and insisted that I was not “giving in” to the ex if I were able to make it happen, I would have resisted making any concessions, or lifting a finger to aid that man.  If not for Fantastic Babysitter, it wouldn’t even be possible.

And before you raise an eyebrow and think to yourself, “But what if he doesn’t show up?”, we got that covered, too.  Again, thanks to Fantastic Babysitter (Now do you see why I call her that??).

Thanks to my friends who help me whether I know I need it or not.  Thanks to my village, that helps me raise my child and be a better mom (and a better person).  Thanks to them, this will turn out OK.

Being Auntie

Fabulous PITA is one of my best friends on the planet, and I get to work with her everyday.  Needless to say she is pissed I am moving.  Really pissed.  She and I are as close to sisters as we will ever get – we are both only children, and even though she is married, she plays a single mom most days because her hubby is a chef and works nights and weekends.  Her two little ones, Princess, age 6, and Sunshine, age 3 (almost 4), call me “Auntie”, and I love it.

Every kid needs a dollhouseToday, The Boy and I are headed to IKEA with Fabulous PITA, Princess, and Sunshine, but I have something else planned, too.  I have yet to give the little ones their Christmas presents, and I missed Princess’s birthday in January, too (I know, March is almost over, but Fabulous PITA and I are busy people!), so today I will come bearing gifts.

They both get a Calico Critters Townhouse that I bought for The Boy ages ago, because he wanted it, and I didn’t care that it was intended for girls.  He played with it for awhile, but never hard enough to damage it, and it has been in storage, waiting for the girls to be old enough.  I bought Princess a family of squirrels to go with the house for her birthday gift .  I also have a couple of other things to give them…

Baby AnnaPrincess is getting my porcelain tea set that I played with when I was her age (one of them – I collected them!).  And Sunshine will be getting my baby Anna that I adored when I was her age.  See, I still have this stuff, these cherished and beloved treasures from my childhood, and it’s time to let them go, I guess.  Amazingly enough, the ex didn’t throw them out (like he did a $600 money order, my entire work wardrobe, and my button collection from elementary school [including my Michael Jackson button!]), so I think they were meant to find a new loving home.

The Boy also gave up some of his stuffed animals to the cause, which went surprisingly well.

The little ones don’t know yet that we’re moving, and I’m hoping that these little tokens will remind them of us when we’re 900 miles away.  Even though I was an aunt for awhile, there will be nothing that replaces being “Auntie” to these two cuties.  I know I’ll miss all three of them a immensely.

Overwhelmed

Transport of a house (photo taken in New Zealand)

Somehow this seems much easier…

It’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed these days.  I started to panic today when I realized it was already March (again – I’ve been doing this a few times a day since Friday), and we basically have three and a half months to prepare for one of the biggest moves of our lives.

Moving stinks.  Before the divorce, it seems like we moved just about every year.  I’m not sure why, but it was pretty awful.  Especially the time I was pregnant, and was not allowed to carry anything, and my ex-mother-in-law set up my kitchen…  I never, ever could find anything in that house.

When we moved to our current house, I was finally in charge, and all things considered, it was a pretty organized move.  I had help, of course, and hired movers.  This time around, I will also have help, and will not have to hire movers, which is a bonus.  The Man actually used to do this for a living back in the day, so that’s an even bigger bonus.

And the packing up won’t even be that difficult.  As I said, I’ve done it so many times, I could probably do it in my sleep, and find myself visually scanning each room even now, and making mental notes of things that will be donated/sold/freecycled or packed for the move.  Most of the moving checklists you find online suggest starting no later than 6 weeks before, and some as early as 12 weeks before.  Well, we’re at about 15, so you can see why I am feeling a little anxiety already.

No, the part that is on my mind the most are the details of life that will need to be taken care of: medical records, school records, bank accounts, change of address with all and sundry, insurance, drivers license and registration…  All of the minutiae that can be quite overwhelming.  Luckily I have some personal days that I can utilize between now and then to help me take care of the details.

If you have any moving tips, please share below.  I could use all the help I can get!

The Worst

Being a single mom and being ill has to be one of the worst things to experience on the planet.  Feeling like crap?  Well too darn bad because your child needs to you to take of him like usual, and a child with autism doesn’t have a whole lot of empathy for your situation.  As The Boy told me a few years ago, “You can’t always get what you want, Mom.  Just like the Rolling Stones said.”

One of the other worst feelings in the world has got to be the panicky feeling you get when you can’t find daycare for your child.  Or in my case, evening care.  When you’ve exhausted your lineup of babysitters, and you don’t have a choice to miss whatever it is that necessitates a babysitter.

Yeah, I’m feeling both of those right now.  It’s pretty far from my happy place.  But I’m hoping to spend the weekend recuperating from this cold, and coming up with some magic solution to my evening-care problem.

Calgon, take me away!

No Time To Be Scared

When The Boy was born, he was two weeks early and a tiny little thing, but he was still considered full term.  It was a long labor, but he was deemed a healthy baby boy, who had no problems nursing, and we were sent on our way.  Once home, I started to worry about how much he was spitting up, and also by the color of it.  We had been assigned a pediatrician through the hospital, and we called with our concerns.  We were basically poo-pooed as newbie parents and told not to worry about it.  Except that I had done more than a fair share of babysitting in my time, and this was not right.  When The Boy projectile vomited across the kitchen (our very large kitchen), we went in.  The doctor looked at his bib, with the yellow stain on it, and then all of a sudden she was concerned.  She took the bib, walked out of the room, and then came back and told us if it happened again to go to the emergency room.  Even as a newbie parent, I was less than satisfied with that response.

We decided to get a second opinion.  Same medical system, different doctor.  After explaining what had happened in the past two weeks, he asked, very casually, if we had had an “Upper GI”.  Umm, nope.  The previous doctor told us that would be too invasive.  He replied that it wasn’t invasive, the baby drinks some milk-like stuff, and they take an X-ray to track the liquid through his gastrointestinal tract to see if there is a blockage.  Made sense, didn’t sound invasive, and one was scheduled ASAP.

We brought The Boy in, fed him the stuff, and then we were met in the waiting room by an intern who told us that our son would be having major intestinal surgery in a matter of four hours.

Words cannot describe the shock and fear we felt, but I appreciated the professionality and care from the staff, and kept thanking the stars, the heavens, God, and whoever else that would listen that we had gotten a second opinion.  The Boy had a “malrotation of the intestine” and they told us that if he hadn’t had the surgery within the next 24 hours, he may not have survived.

We went straight to the surgery waiting room and waited.  And it was quite possibly the longest and worst day I have ever been through, although we really didn’t have time to be scared, and were still in shock.

peanutHe did exceptionally well in the surgery, and was admitted to the hospital where one of us stayed with him round the clock for the next week.  He was not allowed to eat or drink anything except sugar water until his system was completely clear, so that they could make sure the surgery was a success.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I look back at the pictures and he looks like a little baby skeleton.  My parents hadn’t even met him yet!

I was still healing from childbirth, and taking shifts being there, lack of sleep, worrying…  It was a trying time.  The surgeon was fantastic, checking up on the little “peanut” as he called him, and pretty soon, we were able to take our baby boy home again for the second time.  It was never lost on me how very lucky we were and are that all was well in the end.  Except, as the surgeon explained about the scar on his belly, “He’ll never be a Chippendale dancer.”  I think we can all live with that.

What’s Working

I talk about a lot of stuff that I’m going to do, but I don’t always get back to you and let you know what’s working, so…

  • The cold oatmeal in a jar?  That’s been working!  Like clockwork.  Except just in the last week or so, I’ve been getting a little sick of it, so I’m going to switch up some flavors.
  • The 6-Shelf Sweater Sorter!  The Boy actually filled it himself this past weekend and was proud of himself for doing so.  And the best part is that he is wearing every pair of his pants now, not the same pair every day.  Success!  It also keeps me on track with making sure the laundry gets done so it can be filled.
  • It’s early days yet, but the Magnetic Menu Planner is working SO well!  It helps with making the grocery list, and reminding me what’s planned (and what needs to be defrosted, etc.).  I have been cooking like a fiend, and loving it.  I’m even freezing leftovers and reducing waste.

Another success I’ve had recently is with chores.  I have written about allowance, and not basing it on chores before, but saw this post about how to make a visual chart for kids, and allowing them to have input.  I implemented only the chart of what gets done each day, and The Boy is actually doing chores (like wiping the kitchen counter, and picking up his things)!  The best part?  We haven’t even talked about allowance – he’s doing it because I need him to help out (and I need to teach him basic living skills).  You can’t get any better than that.

Build upon success

Take a minute and think about what’s working for you lately.  Let us know how it’s going in the comments below.

A Different IKEA Effect on Singlemomdom

 

I can remember living in the same house the three of us lived in, only after the divorce, and the toilet seat broke.  Having a broken toilet seat is not just something you can live with, so I needed to solve the problem for myself, especially with an octogenarian landlord.  I went and purchased a new seat, and installed it myself, and for the first time, I realized that I really could do this being single thing.

 

After dividing up our assets, I needed some new furniture.  At the very least, I needed new things to look at if I had to stay in the same house.  My parents had come up to stay for a month or so, to help me purchase a car and get things settled before the school year started.  Enter IKEA.  I think I spent $800 in one day.  I had never, ever spent that much money in one place at one time, ever in my life.  But as some of you may know, $800 goes a long way at IKEA.

 

And as you may also know, IKEA purchases are almost always un-assembled, meaning you have to put them together.  It was a project, but with my parents’ help, we got it done, and it really started to feel like a different place, with my personal touches (including a duvet cover with flowers on it, just because I could).

 

And since that time, I have made more purchases, always putting it all together myself.  And every time it reminds me of how strong I have become, how capable, and how independent one can be, even when they don’t know it.  IKEA was good therapy for this single mom, and I suspect for many others out there.  If you are struggling with the emotions of a divorce, get yourself to an IKEA store, bring home a project, build it yourself, and give yourself a little reminder that yes, indeed, you can do this.

 

English: Logo of Ikea.

For the record, this post was inspired by this story on NPR, and also for the record, not all IKEA furniture is pressboard junk.

 

His Latest Obsession

His latest obsession is killing me.  Ever since he returned home from being at his dad’s for two weeks, it has been non-stop cats: dressing like a cat (which consists of sticking a scarf in your pantwaist), meowing, crawling on the floor, and talking about “Gary”, his imaginary cat.

The Boy's hands after he returned from his dad's in January...

The Boy’s hands after he returned from his dad’s in January…

Today, I snapped.  Not feeling well and trying to get some rest, I asked if we could take a break from the meowing.  And as soon as the words left my lips I knew what a mistake I had made.  You just can’t suggest that he take a break from his obsession.  That would be like asking someone to take a break from their career.  It’s not that easy.

But it’s driving me batty.  Mostly because I can’t really help him make this one useful.  And he keeps asking about when he can get a cat, and when I will outgrow my allergy.  And I’m not a huge fan of cats to begin with.  If the “visitor cat” were coming around, he’d get his fix that way, but I don’t think he’ll be coming around with multiple inches of snow on the ground.

And so.  I’m at an impasse.  And slowly going insane.

Bec at snagglebox.com wrote an amazing post about this very topic.  I think I need to re-read it a few hundred times to get me through this.

Crafty Gift Review

I know I shared some of the crafty gifts I was giving for Christmas this past year, but I couldn’t share them all because some of my loved ones actually read my blog!  And I realized today that I can share them now (now, that it’s February…)

This is a tote bag I picked up from Hobby Lobby for $3.  I also used sprayable fabric paint, and contact paper for the stencil (which I downloaded from Martha Stewart).  I traced the stencil onto clear contact paper with a sharpie, and then cut it out, and applied it to the front of the bag. I was able to use the stencil twice (I made two bags), although I did have a few small tears that I had to pay special attention to with the second bag.  Once the stencil was applied, I used the spray-paint, also found at Hobby Lobby, and let it sit.  When dry, I peeled back the stencil, leaving this:

cherry branch tote bag

I also made some large prints like these, but made it much easier on myself by using large poster frames (which were 70% off at Michael’s) rather than trying to use spray adhesive or mod podge to attach them to MDF or foam core board.  Then when they inevitably fade, I can replace them with new ones.  The three prints altogether cost me about $3 at Staples.  I think the three frames together came to about $20 at Michael’s:

large engineering prints

Finally, in the picture above, you can also see my little silhouette project, which was way easier than it looked and brought tears to my mom’s eyes.  I used this tutorial (although getting The Boy to be still enough to get a sideways shot of his head was easier said than done – I managed to get one while he was asleep), and here is a larger shot of the outcome:

silhouette

We had a fine, crafty Christmas, and my pocketbook is thanking me for it!

I Look Forward To…

Big, kinda scary changes coming up right quick for us.  But, all I can think about are all of the beautiful things I am looking forward to, like:

  • Forgetting what the negative sign and the little snowflake look like on my car dash display
  • Hanging out with my mom on a regular basis, which I haven’t been able to do since high school
  • Our newish mattress already down there.  If you can be in love with a thing, I should be engaged to it.  Especially since I bought my current one (here) in 1997.  Although, that’s not as old as the one in our guest bedroom at the new house.  That one is as old as this NBC logo:IMG_0629
  • My super stove in my new-to-me, ready-to-be-organized, hugest-kitchen-I’ve-ever-had:IMG_0816
  • A… slower… pace…
  • This:DSC00489
  • A real, live, breathing partner who has promised to do all the dishes.  Maybe that should be in our vows…
  • Not hearing sirens every freakin’ night and — Were those gunshots?  I think those were gunshots…
  • Sweet tea everywhere
  • Sunshine:ferry ride