No Time To Be Scared

Posted on February 18, 2013 by simpleijustdo

When The Boy was born, he was two weeks early and a tiny little thing, but he was still considered full term. It was a long labor, but he was deemed a healthy baby boy, who had no problems nursing, and we were sent on our way. Once home, I started to worry about how much he was spitting up, and also by the color of it. We had been assigned a pediatrician through the hospital, and we called with our concerns. We were basically poo-pooed as newbie parents and told not to worry about it. Except that I had done more than a fair share of babysitting in my time, and this was not right. When The Boy projectile vomited across the kitchen (our very large kitchen), we went in. The doctor looked at his bib, with the yellow stain on it, and then all of a sudden she was concerned. She took the bib, walked out of the room, and then came back and told us if it happened again to go to the emergency room. Even as a newbie parent, I was less than satisfied with that response.

We decided to get a second opinion. Same medical system, different doctor. After explaining what had happened in the past two weeks, he asked, very casually, if we had had an “Upper GI”. Umm, nope. The previous doctor told us that would be too invasive. He replied that it wasn’t invasive, the baby drinks some milk-like stuff, and they take an X-ray to track the liquid through his gastrointestinal tract to see if there is a blockage. Made sense, didn’t sound invasive, and one was scheduled ASAP.

We brought The Boy in, fed him the stuff, and then we were met in the waiting room by an intern who told us that our son would be having major intestinal surgery in a matter of four hours.

Words cannot describe the shock and fear we felt, but I appreciated the professionality and care from the staff, and kept thanking the stars, the heavens, God, and whoever else that would listen that we had gotten a second opinion. The Boy had a “malrotation of the intestine” and they told us that if he hadn’t had the surgery within the next 24 hours, he may not have survived.

We went straight to the surgery waiting room and waited. And it was quite possibly the longest and worst day I have ever been through, although we really didn’t have time to be scared, and were still in shock.

He did exceptionally well in the surgery, and was admitted to the hospital where one of us stayed with him round the clock for the next week. He was not allowed to eat or drink anything except sugar water until his system was completely clear, so that they could make sure the surgery was a success. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I look back at the pictures and he looks like a little baby skeleton. My parents hadn’t even met him yet!

I was still healing from childbirth, and taking shifts being there, lack of sleep, worrying… It was a trying time. The surgeon was fantastic, checking up on the little “peanut” as he called him, and pretty soon, we were able to take our baby boy home again for the second time. It was never lost on me how very lucky we were and are that all was well in the end. Except, as the surgeon explained about the scar on his belly, “He’ll never be a Chippendale dancer.” I think we can all live with that.

Most Important

Posted on February 15, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Passage of Time (Photo credit: ToniVC)

The Boy and I are first to the school every single day, with the exception of the lone morning custodian. He lets us in the door shortly after 7am, and we wait, often for at least 10 minutes, until other faces arrive, children and their parents, but rarely the same ones. And then around 7:15am, the Kids Club staff arrive.

There have been a couple of times when a parent has come in, assumed I worked for Kids Club, and promptly left their children with a quick peck on the cheek. Nevermind my big puffy coat and scarf… Or there are times when a parent comes in, constantly looking at his/her watch, declaring over and over how they have to get to work (as if I don’t). Today, a woman actually pecked her kids and told them she was going to go wait by the door, because she had to “skedaddle”… Yep, that 15 seconds from the gym to the parking lot door is really going to make a difference, Lady.

When I overhear things like this, I often look at the kids, who look embarrassed and sad. All of these parents are sending a message, with their words, actions and body language that no kid could miss — work is more important.

There are times when we have a rough morning, and yes it’s irritating to have to text my boss and tell him I am running late, but he’s my kid. There is nothing on this planet more important than him. And if I have to be a few minutes late to work, so be it.

I hope these parents get a clue before their children are grown and gone, but realistically how will they learn?

Something Borrowed, Nothing New

Posted on February 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

A letter from my grandpa to my grandma, dated 1939

My grandparents were married in 1925, in New York City. My grandfather was 25, my grandmother 20, and they had eloped, staying with a cousin, as they were both from upstate New York, near Buffalo. They were both Italian immigrants, and as such, very Catholic, and this eloping thing got them in pretty hot water. And they knew it would. They went so far as to rent bridal regalia and have a picture taken (not a cheap process in 1925!) as proof of the marriage, and the seriousness of their intentions to my great-grandfather. It didn’t work real well, as he didn’t speak to them until after they had their first child, almost two years later, even though they lived only blocks from each other.

Before they eloped, they dated of course, but my great-grandfather made it clear that one of my grandmother’s brothers had to “chaperone”. My grandfather was a bowler (scandalous!), and hung out at a bar called “The Red Front” which wasn’t the most savory of places, and so my great-grandfather didn’t think him a suitable match for his eldest daughter. Some of the brothers did a better job of chaperoning than others, and some of the younger kids reported having learned to kiss from watching my grandparents on the porch at the end of a date.

I have been reflecting on this, because sometimes we think we are the first to experience everything we experience. And sometimes we think our ancestors led rather boring lives. But I admire their strength and courage. They knew they had found their one true love, and they pursued each other, even though there were clearly obstacles, namely my great-grandfather. And it was important to them that he understand, which he eventually did. My grandparents were married for 63 years, and although it looked like a typical love from the outside, you never know a relationship unless you are in it.

He called her “Darling”. ❤

His Latest Obsession

Posted on February 5, 2013 by simpleijustdo

His latest obsession is killing me. Ever since he returned home from being at his dad’s for two weeks, it has been non-stop cats: dressing like a cat (which consists of sticking a scarf in your pantwaist), meowing, crawling on the floor, and talking about “Gary”, his imaginary cat.

The Boy’s hands after he returned from his dad’s in January…

Today, I snapped. Not feeling well and trying to get some rest, I asked if we could take a break from the meowing. And as soon as the words left my lips I knew what a mistake I had made. You just can’t suggest that he take a break from his obsession. That would be like asking someone to take a break from their career. It’s not that easy.

But it’s driving me batty. Mostly because I can’t really help him make this one useful. And he keeps asking about when he can get a cat, and when I will outgrow my allergy. And I’m not a huge fan of cats to begin with. If the “visitor cat” were coming around, he’d get his fix that way, but I don’t think he’ll be coming around with multiple inches of snow on the ground.

And so. I’m at an impasse. And slowly going insane.

Bec at snagglebox.com wrote an amazing post about this very topic. I think I need to re-read it a few hundred times to get me through this.

We’re Trying an Old Idea for a Slightly New Reason

Posted on January 25, 2013 by simpleijustdo

This is not a new idea. Parents of NT (neuro-typical) kids have used these for eons to get their kids to be organized and to help them get ready more efficiently in the morning. But I’m using it for slightly different reasons…

“What is it, already??” you are asking… It is the 6 Shelf Sweater Sorter:

kinda hard to see, I know – bad lighting in The Boy’s room

Ta-Da!

Yes, yes. Organization, check. Efficient Use of Time, check. Not wearing the same clothes everyday, wha..??

My child has a signature outfit – he wears it every opportunity he can (which is sometimes several days in a row). He has a thing with clothes. The summer between splitting up and the official divorce, The Boy wore the same lime green T-shirt every single day. Lots of tiny little loads of wash for me.

How does he get away with wearing the same thing several days in a row? He wears a different hoodie, zips it all the way up, and waits to appear until we have to walk out the door. And there are times when I do not fight it, even when I should. To help me enforce the social code of not-wearing-the-same-outfit-every-single-day, I enlisted the help of the 6 Shelf Sweater Sorter. Each shelf is a place for an outfit for each day of the week, except for Sunday, because we often spend one entire day of the weekend in our jammies anyway. Tonight, we placed an entire week’s worth of outfits (including socks, underwear, and hoodies) into the sorter, and I’m hoping that The Boy will follow the implied and implicit rules of the Sorter, that he will wear what is in the space for that designated day, and he will not change his mind and scrounge things off the floor to wear.

If this fails, I will have to go to Old Navy and buy 6 more of every piece in his signature outfit.

I really hope this works…

Mom!! Where is my _____??

Posted on January 21, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy is a slob. You would think for a kid that couldn’t resist lining up Pringles and m&ms as a toddler, his room would have some semblance of order, but not so much. This misplacing of things has been the reason for many, many a morning meltdown. I have found that even when I try to predict every possible little thing he may need for school, something else will come up in the last two minutes before we need to be out the door (in order to get to school first, lest that spark a meltdown). Whew.

Bins and organizers are not the answer. I have a sneaking suspicion that The Container Store and IKEA do a great deal of their yearly business in January, when people decide that the only reason they are disorganized is because they don’t have enough BINS!

So, little miss Has-All-The-Answers, what is the answer??

Training. Here’s how I know. The Boy went to daycare as a wee one at a lady’s house, and loved her. She taught him to put his shoes just inside the door, and pop his socks right inside, so they would be there when he wanted to put them back on to go outside. He was there from the age of about 6 months to 3 years, and you know what? To this day, he still does this with his shoes. Ergo, finding a particular space for all of his things, and then using those spaces with lots and lots of repetition is the plan.

Of course, the purging of unnecessary and duplicate items comes first. But then, it’s time for mise-en-place and repetition. The other part of the game plan? Buying multiples of the things he wears and uses most. This means less laundry and hunting for me.

Any other tips for getting your child to be somewhat organized? Share them in the comments.

The Curse (or is it Gift?) of the Middle School Teacher

Posted on January 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

After teaching middle schoolers for almost half my life, I can see what kids will look like as teenagers. If I really look at a child that still has some baby fat, baby teeth, braces, and that awkward, gawky way of trying to hold their body just so, I can picture him or her after 4 years or so, taller, more self-assured, straighter teeth.

I looked at The Boy today and realized he is no longer a boy. He is quickly on his way to becoming a teen. He had just woken up, and was still a little out of it, staring into space, allowing me a moment to really study him. And I blinked, looked at the pictures all around us in our living room, at that little boy in kindergarten, then after he’d lost a few teeth, looking like that beautiful, typical American boy… “Where did my baby go?” I said. “He’s in the pictures, Mom,” The Boy replied as I hugged him tight. I watched him amble off, down the hall, and I pictured him, taller, broader shoulders, and a little more self-assured (I mean, after all, he can even make his own bagels, now!), and I had two simultaneous emotions: sadness that I’m losing my little boy, and hope for the man he will become.

And here come the tears…

The Necessity of Friends

Posted on January 18, 2013 by simpleijustdo

There are those who have lots and lots of friends, and there are those who don’t. I fall into the latter category, mostly, I think, because I don’t mind being alone. Let’s face it, it’s easier to be alone, do things alone, or just stay in the house on a cold night rather than go out. It’s even more difficult to get out of the house as a single mom, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.I have always been on the socially awkward side, shy, never sure of the right thing to say or do in social situations, and continue to have embarrassing moments at parties and get-togethers, about which I am still mortified, although I hide it well.

Don’t get me wrong – I love having a Girl’s Night Out (just planned one for later February with a couple of old friends!), but I also love my computer, and my kindle, and my fireplace…

But just this week, I have connected with a few friends I hadn’t seen in weeks, even months, and it felt good. It felt good to talk about myself for a bit, and to have adult conversation. And I realize I need that interaction with all of my friends from varying parts and times of my life. It reminds me of my whole person, and reminds me of the rather huge, yet invisible, net I have to fall back on when things are rough. I don’t avail myself of it enough. I forget. I need to remind myself more to reach out to all of those connections. For my own mental health and stability.

How about you? Do you remember to make time to connect with your sometimes far-flung friends?

A Pleasant Surprise

Posted on January 9, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Here’s the shocker: The Boy actually went to his dad’s for a whole two weeks, and they had a great time. And his dad actually spent time with him, rather than working and foisting his son onto his girlfriend or his mother (of course, he’s been laid off, so I’m not sure it was a conscious choice, but it’s something). They went sledding, bowling, and to an aviation museum, and I think, just maybe, the ex is starting to realize what a neat kid we made together.

I’m not saying he’s a changed man. The Boy came home with cat scratches covering his hands, and his boots were left behind. A hearing is about to be scheduled for nonpayment of child support, and the ex is talking about paying for two plane tickets to come and gather The Boy after we move. (I don’t really see the second half of that sentence happening because of the first part of that sentence). But I’m hoping that the ex has come to understand how important it is for him to see his son (more than he did in 2012), and I’m hoping he has come to understand that it isn’t up to me to make sure that happens.

As I said, only time will tell. But it is nice to get a pleasant surprise once in awhile!

What’d I Miss?…

Posted on January 7, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Here’s a recap of the top posts for December, plus one oldie but goodie:

No Offense, But… about how this phrase really needs to be put to rest, because despite its “intent”, whatever comes next will ultimately offend you.
Happy Day about The Man’s surprise Christmas morning proposal *sigh* 😀
I Don’t Want My Kid To Be Normal about how special needs parents need to set their sites on different goals for their children
Parties about how normal, everyday birthday parties can cause much angst among we special needs parents
The Angry Ex about how to deal with an ex who is less than civil

Hope you are having a fantastic start to your workweek! Only 10 more Mondays until Spring!