Mom’s Voice

Got a text this morning from The Boy’s TA: “He’s having a rough morning and wondered if he could call you. Are you available?” I said sure and within a few minutes, was talking to him on the phone.

It was a weird night and morning. We had flash flooding last night so I had to leave my car at Grammy’s which meant The Man had to drive me back this morning to retrieve my car. And then he had to drive The Boy to school which had a two-hour delay. Obviously enough to trigger a rough morning, although he seemed in good spirits before school.

“I should’ve just gone to Grammy’s with you this morning. I’m not feeling too good.”

“Not feeling good, like with your emotions or your body?”

“My body.”

“Well you kind of have a shorter day today, and I do too. So try to stick it out and I will meet you at Grammy’s after school, ok?”

“Ok.”

His TA said he was much more responsive after the phone call and had started getting his things together to go to class. For some reason he seems to just need to hear my voice sometimes to reassure those anxieties that are keeping him from doing what needs to be done. We have meds now, that are as-needed (we haven’t needed them yet) for this type of thing. But I’m happy that talking to me seems to do the trick for now. Sometimes I just need to talk to my mom too.

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Luck

I was chatting on Facebook with a cousin of my dad’s whom I don’t know altogether well, and he said he had been following my posts about autism, in particular a link to this post, describing how much of a struggle some parents of children on the spectrum face every day.  He said he hadn’t realized how bad it could be, and hoped we didn’t face those kinds of challenges.

I filled him in a bit on The Boy, and how well he’s done in his new program, and predictably (albeit sweetly), he said how lucky The Boy was to have such a strong advocate for a mom.

The truth is, I am the lucky one to have The Boy.

I look at him every day, amazed that this boy is mine, that he has half my genes, that he has grown so big and so clever and so funny.  That he has grown into this fascinating human being with moods and thoughts and interests ranging from cars to space to recording and sound editing.  That he is so capable, and so vulnerable, yet so strong himself to be on the spectrum and deal with all of his challenges with fairly little complaint.

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I just wish I could know him better.  I wish I could communicate with him more easily about his deep thoughts and feelings (as if he would, pre-teen that he now is).  I wish I understood him better, and I feel like I have failed him when I can’t understand something he is trying to make me understand.

I love this boy of mine, more than I ever thought a human being was capable of loving, and the bonus is that I like him, too.  I wrote recently about everyone falling in love with him, and most people who get to know him end up knowing he is a great kid.  The kind of kid it is easy to be strong for.  My job is simple, and I’m the lucky one.

Thankful for a “Me” Day

I’ve been busy lately.  I’d like to say I’ve been busy working, and I have, but not busy making a paycheck.  I’ve been busy making sure my son gets a decent education.  I’ve been busy writing a novel for NaNoWriMo.  I’ve been busy helping The Man on a couple of big jobs he’s lined up, because I can help him when he’s painting.  I’m not a pro, but I can get the job done.  I’ve been busy filling out applications, taking timed typing tests, and preparing for my tutoring students.

But at the end of the day, I’m still only making about $36 a week.

And, I’m neglecting to do what I’d really like and need to do.  Yes, NaNoWriMo is a “me” thing, but it is demanding, squeezing every ounce of originality out of you, and even more so that sometimes what ends up on the page is a big messy mess.  And it’s work.  And I really need a new pair of shoes.  No, I’m serious…

I told you I needed new shoes...

See?  I told you.  Not just a craving for some sassy pumps.  A desperate plea for decent-looking foot apparel.

Today, I get a day for me.  A “me” day, that I can actually spend as I choose.  Of course, there are a few things I need to do, like call about a possible new tutoring student, and some laundry.  And then there’s that big meeting this afternoon, leftover from last week that has a major impact on my son’s future…  There’s that.

But until about 2:30, it’s all me, baby. 😉