How the South is Different

Posted on August 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’m a born and bred Midwesterner, and have never lived farther than about an hour from a Great Lake (with the exception of my time in college, smack dab in the middle of Michigan). Moving to the South has been a bit of an adjustment. So far there are a few glaring differences:

Little buggers are hard to see but they are the invading horde on our poor mimosa tree

The South has more bugs. Lots more, and they are scarier. Remember my encounter with the half-dollar sized spider that looked more like the alien from Alien?… Today I came across one of these while spraying around the perimeter of our house for these (they call them “piss ants” around here). They have honking big black mosquitoes with white marks called “Asian Tiger Mosquitoes” that seem to love me, and leave gigantic, painful welts in their wake – these have actually made me cry. The Man regularly encounters Black Widows, and I saw some nasty looking larvae of what are called mud-daubers when he scraped their mud-daubs off the side of the house recently. All I can say is… YUCK. And WHY has no one invented a combination sunscreen and bug spray??? (sidenote: just got a bite from a fire ant in the middle of writing this post… *sigh*)

The South has much longer traffic lights and much lower speed limits. I think I read once that the average time spent stopped at a traffic light is two minutes. Not even close down here. I think it must be somewhere between 5 and 8 minutes. Definitely long enough to check your Facebook updates and still get bored. Average speed limit when you are anywhere near any people is 35mph. It’s taking a little getting used to for this city girl.

The cable bill is crazy high and the insurance bill is crazy low. It all evens out, I guess.

People love to talk. The Man is no exception. Don’t even think for a second that you will just “run in and run out” of some restaurant or store or any place of business. Invariably, someone will stop to chat, and your errand that was supposed to take 10 minutes has now taken a half hour. Don’t get me wrong! I much prefer the smiles, and the “Hey!” (Southern for “Hi!”) everywhere you go, as opposed to the avoid-all-eye-contact-and-pretend-not-to-see-all-other-humans-in-the-vicinity way of dealing with other people in public that is de rigueur up North. But things take longer down here, for sure. Even the mail…

Did I mention that it’s hot? I’m really not complaining. But I’ve never slept night after night with no sheet or blanket, even with the air on. I struggle with this a bit because I’m most comfortable with something over me, but even a sheet can be too hot.

Luckily, these are all things I think I can get used to with time (well, except the bugs). I know there are more, but I’ll save those for another post. And even with all of these new things to get used to, I wouldn’t trade places with anyone. I am loving our new digs. ❤

Earning Back the iPad

Posted on August 8, 2013 by simpleijustdo

We are going to pick up the repaired iPad today, totalling around $150. The Boy will have to “pay back” half of that cost as part of the lesson learned about throwing things while angry not being a good idea. He will do so by stepping up with chores around the house.

It helps that this coincides with back-to-school routines, and I was inspired to use some visual cues when I saw these printable task cards. I asked The Boy’s teacher if these would work, and she shared with me what really worked for him at school. With her help, I came up with a plan to tackle this idea.

First, I found a list of age-appropriate chores on pinterest, and sat down with The Boy to let him choose which ones he was willing to perform at our house. He quickly said, “I can do all of those!” – his great desire to be independent shining through. I pared the list down to eight, and added two personal hygiene tasks that are always a struggle.

Second, I modified a chart from Home Made by Carmona that I have highlighted here before. Rather than assigning a day per chore, I will leave that choice up to him – having choices is so powerful for our little (or not-so-little) guys with autism!

Third, I let him choose some graphics to personalize the chart. You can see his favorite, Sonic, encouraging him with thumbs up on the bottom!

Fourth, this all goes into a plastic sleeve, so he can check things off the list as they get done with a dry erase marker – very satisfying, and great for self-monitoring! We can also re-use the paper chart each week that way.

He has a lot of choice with this plan, and if the chores don’t all get done each week, it just takes longer to get the iPad “paid off”, which means a longer period of restricted time for playing with the iPad. Natural consequences to motivate him to get those chores done!

Here’s hoping this works…

Is it Real Yet?

Posted on July 23, 2013 by simpleijustdo

People have been asking if it has hit me yet, all this permanent change (there’s an oxymoron for ya!), and I have to say yes and no. This house is definitely “home” to us, and I don’t have the feeling that we are returning to our old house or state that you sometimes get after moving. It will help to get out of limbo, and have my new license, new license plate, new name on all of my forms of ID, and the like. But that will take a few more weeks to be sure (*sigh*).

Not having a job, and not having a routine is a little unsettling, still. When The Boy starts school in a little over a month, it will feel much more “real”, I predict. But I’m not usually working in the summer anyway, at least not in the wake-up-report-to-a-building-and-stay-for-a-long-time-doing-stuff kind of way. So this doesn’t feel all that unnatural, either.

I can say that I’m not used to being referred to as “Mrs.” or “wife”, yet, but I love being married to The Man. It’s a little surreal, because the terminology is the same, but the experience is so much better.

The Boy is adjusting well. He has been perusing his old yearbooks a bit, keeping them close, so I know he’s missing what’s familiar. But I also know he’s enjoying having some new neighborhood friends, some freedom to ramble a bit, and is very much looking forward to school starting.

So, it’s real, if a bit limbo-y, but enjoyable all the same. 😉

Kids with Special Needs: Easy Scapegoat

Posted on July 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Our new house is on a cul-de-sac, and we found out early on that there are a few kids around. This has been great for The Boy. Even though the others are in early elementary, he gets along well with everybody, and has been riding scooters and running around with his new friends a bit. One day last week when The Man and I were working on the new siding for the house, our place was the hub of activity, with several neighbors stopped by to chat, and all of the kids making a track for their bikes and scooters around our house.

I’ve been pretty pleased with this new social aspect in The Boy’s life, as we didn’t know too many kids on our block in our previous house. I was pleased until yesterday.

One of the neighbor boy’s grandpa came to our house, letting me know that the young boy had told him he had given his smartphone to The Boy. I asked if it was a real smartphone, and he said it was, pulling out his own to show me what it looked like. I invited him in while I spoke to The Boy in his room. As is often the case with kids with autism, asking a direct question will not often get a direct answer. I asked The Boy if this other boy had given him a smartphone. His responses were, “I don’t know”, “I don’t think so”, and “I can’t remember”. Pretty evasive (and would be suspicious in a law enforcement situation, I kept thinking in the back of my mind), but I knew he didn’t have it. If he had, I would have gotten a much more emotional response like, “What are you asking me for?!”, “Why do you want to know?!”, “I know what you’re trying to do! You’re always trying to find out what I’m doing!”

I let the grandpa know that I didn’t think he had it, but that The Boy does have autism, and therefore can’t always communicate that well, so I would look for it and let him know if we found anything.

He wasn’t accusatory, but he wasn’t conciliatory either. He seemed suspicious, but said the young boy could have dropped it somewhere, too. I apologized, reiterated that I would search for the phone, and said goodbye.

I did search for the phone, but found nothing, as I suspected (except a huge, scary spider! Check it out on my fb page). And the more I thought about it, the more disappointed I became because it was obvious that the little boy had lost it somewhere and used my son as a scapegoat. Our kids with special needs are easy targets in these cases. Other kids quickly become aware of their communicating difficulties, and get a sense of how adults perceive them as “different”. So when something goes missing or gets broken, one may have more luck blaming the special needs kid.

By the time The Man came home, I was resolved to not ever let The Boy play with him again, and I was angry. It was clear this little boy had lied. And then The Man mowed the lawn and almost ran over a smartphone laying out by the street… He called me on his phone to come out to the street, which I did, and the little boy, another little girl from the neighborhood, and our adult neighbor from across the street who often rides bikes with them were standing there, too. The Man addressed the little boy, asking him if he had lost a phone, and pointed to it, laying there in the partially mowed grass. The adult neighbor looked sideways at the young boy, and told him, “We better take this to your grandpa right now,” and off they went. Good to have witnesses…

I’m glad that everything ended well, because you know how neighborhoods are. That could have been the beginning of years of suspicion and bad blood, with my boy on the wrong end of it all because a 6 year old decided it was easier to blame him than to admit he lost it somewhere.

My anger has cooled. The young boy is only six, and most little kids probably would have done something similar if given the chance, and I suppose that’s how they learn about honesty. It doesn’t make anything easier, and I have to say I’ve already warned The Boy not to take anything this young boy “gives” him. I will always be wary in the future, and this is a reminder that I have to be wary of people who aren’t our neighbors, too.

___

PS Who the hell gives a 6 year old a smartphone??

Not for Wussies

Posted on July 17, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Making a major life change is difficult. Making several at the same time is not for wussies.

I updated you last week on how we’re doing – quite well, actually. But not everything is sunshine and lollipops. I’m still looking for work (not quite in panic mode yet), and I’m finding it insanely difficult to get a driver’s license in my new state. Combine that with the normal emotions involved with major life changes, and I think getting a little blue is par for the course.

Of course, I am a worrier by nature, so I have this natural tendency to focus on the negative, and can sometimes become paralyzed by it.

I have found that the best way to combat this is to do something. Whether it’s working on organizing a space in our new home, rewriting my resume, or just doing laundry, accomplishing something tends to keep the stress/tears/freak-out away. It also helps to cut myself a little slack, and remember my Grandma’s great advice: “All you can do is your best.”

For now, I’m managing the worry and stress, and counting my many blessings and the many, many positives that have come with these major life changes.

Just keep swimming!

Happy Anniversary!

Posted on July 15, 2013 by simpleijustdo

It’s been a year since my first blog post (hey, do me a favor and don’t read it, okay? It’s kind of embarrassing…) and I can’t believe it! It’s kind of fun to go back and reflect (which I’ll probably do a bit this week). And I’m kind of in the mood to give something away, soooo….

Leave a comment below and let me know the title of your favorite post, and you’ll be entered into a random drawing for one of my favorite books of all time, Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. If you aren’t familiar with his work, he is a bestselling humorist author, and one of the only authors on the planet who has the ability to make me laugh out loud while reading. I recently discovered (while moving) that I have two copies of this awesome book, and I’d like to share it with one lucky reader in celebration of my blogiversary!

Make sure to comment below and check back to see if you win (or subscribe to my facebook page over there on the right, because I’ll announce the winner there, too)! Contest will close at midnight EST on Wednesday, July 17.

The Last Two

Posted on July 12, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The last two what? Liebster Answers! Meredith over at Looking Up With Down Syndrome nominated me awhile ago, and I’m just getting around to finishing up her questions. Then I will have to nominate some people myself and ask them a bunch of questions, so here goes:

10. What is the meaning of life?

42… Just kidding. I think the meaning of life is finding joy in the simplest of things, being thankful for what you have, and helping others.

11. Where did I put my car keys?

Over there.

___

OK! I’m all done! Now I get to nominate my own people and ask them 11 questions!

Questions for my nominees are:

1. Mac or PC?

2. Best book series you’ve ever read?

3. Favorite section of the art museum to visit?

4. Most annoying thing (that bothers you)?

5. Night Owl or Early Riser?

6. What would your friends say is your best quality?

7. At what temperature do you turn on the AC?

8. Beaches or Mountains?

9. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

10. Worst chore?

11. Current guilty pleasure?

And I nominate the following blogs for the Liebster Award. If you have more than 200 followers, I apologize – sometimes that part is hard to figure out…

Four Minute Reflections

Square Peg in a Round Hole

OneGoodDad

According to Dude

Between Hope and a Hard Place

JustGoodEnoughMum

Invisible Autistic

Working without a Net: Life with an Autistic Child

Moving Beyond the Label

Just Me With…

Life on the “J” Train

Here are the rules again, just in case you need them:

1.Thank the Liebster-winning Blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. Post 11 interesting facts about yourself.

3. Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.

4. Create 11 questions for your nominees.

5. Nominate 11 blogs of 200 followers or less which you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

6. Display the Liebster Award logo.

How Our Lives Have Changed: 3 Weeks

Posted on July 8, 2013 by simpleijustdo

We’ve been in our new state, our new town, our new home for a little over three weeks. In that time, we have moved in, started summer camp, and gotten married. And we have settled in for the most part. The Boy rebelled a bit for awhile when his camp turned out not to be exactly like his usual ESY experience, but he found some activities to love, and now looks forward to it each day. I am desperately trying to find some form of employment, and unpacking and getting the house in order in the meantime, checking things off of my to-do list which has grown to several legal pad pages. I have also been battling government offices to get my name changed, and to just get a driver’s license. These things really shouldn’t be so hard when you are clearly a law-abiding citizen, but I digress…

One of the most pleasant changes in our lives has been the proximity to Grammy and Poppy. Besides being fabulous grandparents, they are also awesome parents, and great friends. It has been exceptionally nice to have a girl’s afternoon with my mom here and there, and The Boy has enjoyed hanging out at their place in the afternoons, after camp. As a former single mom who was never able to leave the house alone without the aid of a babysitter (and the requisite money involved), The Boy’s regular Saturday Night Sleepover at Grammy’s still brings tears to my eyes because I am just so grateful. Every couple needs time alone, and this weekly respite is already oh-so-special.

The flip-side of this is that there are a lot more people in our lives on a daily basis, and this has taken a bit of getting used to. We have to check with people now before we make decisions, and more compromise and flexibility are necessary every day. This isn’t a bad thing, and it isn’t unexpected, but it is an adjustment.

We miss our friends, and I miss having adults to talk to, but this is no different from any other summer, for me. I’m starting to have a hard time with not having something to do each day — I’m one of those people that needs to feel like I’m accomplishing something, and organizing my desk and hanging a few pictures just don’t qualify as “accomplishments”. I’m trying to practice patience and perseverance in the job search. Trying.

All in all, we are very happy. The Boy is counting down the days until school starts, and is very excited. I’m loving the summer sun and heat, reveling in the proximity of my loved ones, and enjoying being a newlywed.

Cheers! 😀

Deconstructing Glasses

Posted on July 6, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’m pretty sure no one on Earth will need this tip, but just in case…

I think I’ve mentioned The Boy’s penchant for fake eyewear. He wears them so regularly that his teachers have even been fooled into thinking that they are prescription. Lately, however, he has been preferring the pair of 3D glasses brought home from Toy Story 3, from which he has torn the flimsy black “lenses”. The reason? He doesn’t have to clean them if there are no lenses. (Of course, duh…)

Except that he has outgrown the 3D pair (graduating from the all-purpose “kids’ size” to the all-purpose “adult size” in the interim, I suppose), so they look rather silly. Not a big deal, but we are trying to make new friends in our new community… The Man and I had found a set of three pairs of reading glasses for $3 at the local discount store, and I mentioned it to The Boy, saying we could probably pop the lenses out. He liked the sound of that, so we bought a set.

And he decided he wanted me to pop the lenses out about half hour before we had to leave for camp this morning… Bleh! So I pushed on those plastic lenses until my thumbs hurt, and could only budge them a bit. I tried hot water and then cold water to see if expanding and contracting the plastic of the frames would help, but to no avail. Finally I considered my old friend Goo Gone. I poured some into a plastic plate, and places the glasses, lenses down, into the Goo Gone. After about 20 minutes, the lenses popped out with little resistance. Not sure why this worked, but it did.

So, if you ever find yourself in the position of needing to pop lenses out of some plastic frames, now you know what to do. Glad to be of help 😉

Independence Day

Posted on July 4, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Growing up, I didn’t really give a fig about the Fourth of July. I know it is an important American celebration, it just wasn’t my favorite. I like fireworks as much as the next gal, but they get old pretty quickly, and we were never a family to go and buy a bunch, simultaneously burning up our backyard and pissing off our neighbors.

It wasn’t until the year I got divorced that I really appreciated the meaning of independence. I finally understood how scary it is to declare independence from the only way of life you have ever known, and to take that brave, militant step into the unknown, with only trust in yourself to get you through.

I filed for divorce right after Independence Day that year. Right after the ex left town for the weekend, leaving The Boy and I without a car. Right after I had to be resourceful upon finding out he had given our grill away without my knowledge (and after I had promised The Boy a cookout).

And even though I have just given up a little independence recently, Independence Day still means a lot to me. It is a celebration of the faith I have in myself, and the courage I found then that I never knew I had.

Happy 4th, Everyone!