Musical Tastes & Control of the Radio

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The Boy has been showing an increased interest in the music playing on the radio lately, which I think is pretty neat. When he was much younger, I put some tunes on an old iPod shuffle I had for him, and hadn’t given it much thought after that, as he seemed to lose interest and move on to other things.

Now, he actively participates while in the car, sometimes hurrying to change the channel if he hears a group that he knows one of us doesn’t like, or he knows there is a swear word in it (thankyouverymuch, Satellite Radio). He will even bop his head along in time to the music. I’ve had to talk to him a bit about the unspoken rule that the driver gets to decide what is on the radio, which he doesn’t entirely understand or agree with, but he’s fairly respectful about it, anyway.

There are days when he even hops into my car, pushes the “Aux” button and hooks his iPad up to my radio, pretending that the radio station is playing a pre-selected song of his choosing, usually something by Daughtry (it seems he really liked listening to that group on that old iPod shuffle – go figure). He will even pretend to be the voice of the DJ playing the song.

What’s even cooler is that he is really listening and starting to have some favorites. He enjoys U2 and Mumford & Sons the most, along with Green Day (because his school band played a tune of theirs in 7th grade), and Daughtry (ha!), and turns up the radio accordingly. Having favorites is kind of a big deal in and of itself, because he has tended to be so attached to inanimate objects and things, he rarely picks a favorite anything, afraid he’ll hurt the other thing’s feelings… And remember when I told you I suspected he had perfect pitch? Yep, he has amazing auditory skills.

And then yesterday, he blew me away. We were listening to one of his pre-selected tunes, “21 Guns” by Green Day, and immediately remarked that this song reminded him of a song called “Apartment 4” that we used to listen to when he was a child by They Might Be Giants, as well as “Beverly Hills” by Weezer. If you listen to those links I’ve added for you (be careful of the Weezer link – couldn’t find a link to the song without the video!), you will have to admit that he is a discerning listener, and I’m pretty proud of him for that.

All of this makes me wish he could use these skills someday, but that may not be in the cards for him. In fact, there are very few people who get to listen to music and analyze it for a living. Truth be told, if it turns into a hobby, it is a very cool one to have. If he starts collecting records and asks for a record player for Christmas, I’ll let you know 😉

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How I Know

The Boy is what I call not-quite-verbal. He can speak, had years of speech therapy which started with teaching him basic words like “running” and “ball” with flash cards. He enjoys words a great deal, and finds puns and double entendres highly entertaining. One of his obsessions is “ugly sounds” in the band class, and when I remind him that reading The Hunger Games is on our schedule for the evening, he says, “Reed!” back to me, with a perfect imitation of the sound of a reed instrument squeaking. He then explains the joke, that “reed” r-e-e-d is not the same as “read” r-e-a-d, and which one did I mean? Haha.

But ask him what he did in school today? Crickets. Not a peep. Ask him where his field trip is on Friday? Not a word. It’s not as if he doesn’t know. He just cannot form the words. And due to his verbosity at school about his favorite topics, those who know little about him or about autism assume a lot.

Sometimes, they can't tell us what hurts. We just have to notice.He also will never tell me he is experiencing pain, which worries this mama. In fourteen years, The Boy has never once complained of a headache, but he’s probably had one. And he definitely will not tell me if his dad’s absence and lack of communication is causing him pain, either. I have always told The Boy that he can call his dad anytime he likes. He has never taken me up on the offer. He has difficulty talking to him on the phone on the rare occasions that his dad calls him because he has difficulty creating conversation, and his dad doesn’t understand the types of questions to ask.

But I can still tell. When getting dressed, he will switch from the t-shirt I chose to the Steelers t-shirt for the day (his dad is a Steelers fan and got him the shirt one Christmas). He will ask me random questions about what his dad’s cats are doing. Little things that let me know that he’s thinking about and missing his dad.

It’s a different type of listening. More of a “noticing,” but it’s a huge skill set we autism parents develop. We use it to notice the ways our kiddos self-advocate and self-calm, so we can help them replicate the strategy if it works. We use it to notice a budding new interest that we can encourage.We use it, as in this case, to notice when they might be feeling a bit low or lonely and need some extra cuddles and attention. Basic parenting, sure, but supercharged.

This Week

This week I am…

Reading lots and lots of blogs, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (with The Boy), and The History of Love, by Nicole Krauss (recommended here, by Holly Burns at Nothing But Bonfires whose writing I love, and figure if her book recommendations are half as good as her writing, I’m golden!)

Cooking pizza puffs, ugly chicken (looks nasty [nothing like the pic on the site] but tastes sooooooo good), and pasta, using my best friend’s husband’s meat sauce (he’s a chef!)

Anticipating the World Series (Go Tigers!), the delivery of my new Kindle (in November!), the new James Bond movie (love me some Daniel Craig [swoon <3]), Thanksgiving (only 30 days until I see The Man again!), and Friday, always Friday

Listening to Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, and Feist (The Metals album) – I LOVE this version of Undiscovered First, especially at about 3:50, when she starts whacking the roof of the car for percussive effect.

Keeping an eye on The Boy’s cold, his reaction to attending his first funeral (maybe), and how he handles one of his best buddies moving away

Finding every excuse not to work out

Getting up the nerve to write a letter to our neighbor about the volume of her TV (or is it a radio) every morning at 5:30am

In disbelief that I’m hearing Christmas music as we begin to prepare for our next concert in class, and hearing the s-word in our forecast

Savoring any sleep I can get, the chocolate chip cookies I made last week, the Ghirardelli chocolates The Man got me for my birthday (my favorites!), my homemade sweet tea, and a relatively quiet house in the evening

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This post is modeled after this one from Ali Edwards…