Middle of the Night

Posted on March 10, 2014 by simpleijustdo

Every once in awhile, I come across some book or movie, something that speaks to me in a profound way, and I just have to share it.

The Man and I love to watch old movies. Turner Classic Movies is our fall back, and we check to see what’s on every night of the week. The Man often falls asleep to it, and sometimes wakes up to it. Last night, as so often happens, he fell asleep, and I realized I was awake and started watching “Middle of the Night” from 1959 with Fredric March and Kim Novak.

You’ve probably never heard of it, but the script was by the same person who wrote “Marty,” which you probably have heard of if you know anything about old movies. I’ve seen “Marty” and liked it – gritty and realistic about what it’s like to be lonely with little chance of finding love. “Middle of the Night” is even better, and it’s unfortunate that it isn’t as well known.

Why am I writing about this old movie no one’s ever heard of? Because it still has relevance, and I empathized with its characters, as some of you might, as well.

Fredric March plays a 50-something business man, which was considered teetering on old age back then, while Kim Novak plays his 24 year-old secretary with whom he falls in love. I won’t give the whole plot away, but suffice it to say that even in 1959, their families didn’t take too kindly to the age disparity in their relationships. And in their own way, their friends and family began to tear away at what they had with their well-intentioned interference. Saying how much they cared for them, not wanting them to make a mistake they would regret, cautioning them against being impetuous, they needled and cajoled and turned something positive into something negative until the couple was bickering and on the verge of breaking up.

Luckily, my own friends and family were largely supportive of The Man and I. But there were some who were (and are) not. And it hurts to have people who love you not be happy for you, out of misplaced “concern” for you. And ultimately, they either accept your relationship, or you have to move on, and if not sever your relationship with them, at least keep them at a distance. Because that kind of negativity will tear anyone down, and no one needs that.

In any case, this is an old movie that still resonates today, and I highly recommend it. It’s amazing how little people change.

Double Dating

Posted on October 3, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Man is a creature of routine. Before The Boy and I came around, it was even to the point that he ate certain meals on certain nights of the week. I think he misses this a little bit, but we’re both good for each other, pulling each other out of our comfort zones, just a bit.

The Man also has lots and lots of friends and acquaintances, and some of that comes from staying in the town in which you grew up. But even more of it has to do with the fact that he’s an affable guy who has owned a business or two, and people just like him. But he has few close friends, which is more like me. I’ve always been able to count them on less than one hand, and he is much the same.

We’re bringing the wine 😉

Tonight, we are heading over to a friend’s house (his, of course) for dinner, and I’m excited. People! Real people! And I get to hang out with them and have intelligent adult conversation! And crab cakes! I know these friends of his, and I like them – they are good people. And so we are doing this thing that I’m sure lots of other people do lots of. We just don’t. Or should I say, haven’t?

We went out a couple of times with PITA and her hubby when The Man was in town and I still lived up north, and we had fun. But it was difficult to schedule, with PITA’s hubby being a chef (working nights and weekends), and The Man only visiting every 12 weeks or so.

So this is new, this having dinner with friends thing. And I’m very much looking forward to it. 🙂

New Friends, New Opportunities

Posted on September 30, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy and I went over for a “playdate” of sorts with some new friends from our local chapter of the Autism Society. The Boy had gone to summer camp with this boy, and I’ve leaned on his mom quite a bit through our schooling struggles. The boys had a blast – it was very neat to see The Boy getting along so well with kids his own age (or thereabouts), and I was grateful just to have the chance to do it, and the chance for him to make some real friends, something he hasn’t yet done at school.

And I can’t overlook the chance for me to make friends. It can be a bit lonely moving away from almost everyone you know. I still love my friends from up north, but I can’t hang out with them by any means, and so I spend a lot of time by myself, especially being underemployed. It doesn’t lend itself to maintaining your sanity, let’s just say, so it was nice to get out and just hang out with someone, especially someone who really gets what I’m going through right now.

The last time he rode the bus, The Boy was in kindergarten…

One of the things we have been talking about has been a possible switch in schools for The Boy. We’re hoping to get him into a pilot program at a middle school across the county which is aimed at high functioning kids on the spectrum. It happens to be housed where our new friends go to school (across the county, requiring busing), and New Friend’s Mom can’t say enough good things about the special ed staff, who really seem to know autism, front and back. So, we are pursuing it, because his current school is still not following his IEP, and seem to be taking their sweet time even implementing any of the county specialists recommendations.

It would be a tremendous transition, again, and we have weighed that into the decision, but at this point, I strongly feel he is not in the correct placement, and I’m ready to fight to get him into this program (even though I don’t think I will really need to).

So keep your fingers crossed for The Boy. New opportunities may be on the horizon that would be much better in the long run, but may be a little painful at first. Just another day on the spectrum.

Thanks to my Village

Posted on March 24, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Our crisis-of-the-week has apparently averted. Fantastic Babysitter is doing me a huge favor and providing The Boy a place to stay for a night and transportation to meet the ex on the day he requested. The ex has relented (and apparently forgotten the crazy-making way he treated me/us) and has agreed to pick The Boy up according to the new plan. How could he say no?

If left to my own devices, this would not have been possible. If not for a friend at work who suggested the plan and insisted that I was not “giving in” to the ex if I were able to make it happen, I would have resisted making any concessions, or lifting a finger to aid that man. If not for Fantastic Babysitter, it wouldn’t even be possible.

And before you raise an eyebrow and think to yourself, “But what if he doesn’t show up?”, we got that covered, too. Again, thanks to Fantastic Babysitter (Now do you see why I call her that??).

Thanks to my friends who help me whether I know I need it or not. Thanks to my village, that helps me raise my child and be a better mom (and a better person). Thanks to them, this will turn out OK.

Disability and Celebrity

Posted on February 28, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I’m sure you have seen the videos that have been popping up, slightly more frequently in recent years: some student with a disability making an amazing shot in basketball, because the coach told him to suit up for the last game of the season, or the boy with autism who was voted Homecoming King, or the many others that are out there. You can often hear the crowd chanting the person’s name, and screaming wildly when the shot is made, or the name is announced.

My kid is a bit of a celebrity at his school. Everyone seems to know his name: students, parents, even kids who are older and in middle school who live in the neighborhood. We go somewhere in town, and someone says hi to him and calls him by name, and I have no idea who it is, and many times, neither does he. He’s a celebrity, partly because they have such good programs to “initiate” the general ed kids into what their ASD classmates are experiencing, and I think partly because he’s a “6th year” student at his school, having attended the same school all the way through elementary. The longer you stay in one place, the more people with whom you come in contact. That’s my theory, anyway.

But, I watch these videos, and I wonder. I wonder if this “celebrity” is an entirely good thing. I wonder if it would be even better if there was no news story, because it would be a matter of course for someone with a disability to win Homecoming King. It would be a matter of course for kids with disabilities to compete in sports, perform in music programs, do whatever it is that typical kids do, and do it well. And it would be a matter of course for our kids to have friends, rather than fans.

Until that day, I will continue to share these videos and spread the hope that they bring, because they do leave me hopeful, if not entirely satisfied. I am always proud of the person in question, but I am so hopeful for those kids who are “fans” of the person in question. I am hopeful that someday (if they haven’t already), they will realize that this person is real, and not a character. A potential friend, rather than a celebrity.

The Necessity of Friends

Posted on January 18, 2013 by simpleijustdo

There are those who have lots and lots of friends, and there are those who don’t. I fall into the latter category, mostly, I think, because I don’t mind being alone. Let’s face it, it’s easier to be alone, do things alone, or just stay in the house on a cold night rather than go out. It’s even more difficult to get out of the house as a single mom, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.I have always been on the socially awkward side, shy, never sure of the right thing to say or do in social situations, and continue to have embarrassing moments at parties and get-togethers, about which I am still mortified, although I hide it well.

Don’t get me wrong – I love having a Girl’s Night Out (just planned one for later February with a couple of old friends!), but I also love my computer, and my kindle, and my fireplace…

But just this week, I have connected with a few friends I hadn’t seen in weeks, even months, and it felt good. It felt good to talk about myself for a bit, and to have adult conversation. And I realize I need that interaction with all of my friends from varying parts and times of my life. It reminds me of my whole person, and reminds me of the rather huge, yet invisible, net I have to fall back on when things are rough. I don’t avail myself of it enough. I forget. I need to remind myself more to reach out to all of those connections. For my own mental health and stability.