Addendum to My Last Post

Posted on September 3, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Let me assure you that when I wrote my last post, there were several drafts, and I let time pass so that it wasn’t the rant it started out as. The problem here is not his teacher, as it rarely is. Could she have been more proactive? Could she (still) be better using her resources? Yes, and yes.

However.

The real problem is part of a much larger problem with education everywhere in our country. Too often, teachers and students are made to “get by” with what they have. Sometimes fault lies with local administrators and school boards. Sometimes, fault lies with the state and federal governments. It doesn’t really matter. The fact is that we say we care about education in this country, and we just don’t. When millages come up, we vote them down in fear of higher taxes. When politicians run for office, we care only about our own personal hot-button issues and where each candidate stands on those – their records on education are often a secondary consideration (if not further down). Very few people ever attend a school board meeting, let alone parent-teacher conferences.

In my son’s case, there are two special education teachers for about 40 students in the school. They have one aide. They just started a self-contained classroom and hired a brand new teacher for that program – excellent! But that doesn’t help those kids who are higher functioning, and need adult supports in the classroom like my son.

The Boy and I met with his teacher at the school yesterday – on the holiday weekend. She spent the day there working on setting up schedules and supports for my son – how could we not go in to help? She still doesn’t quite get it, but she’s trying. I can’t ask much more from her.

But you had better believe I won’t stop asking those with hiring power.

I Spoke Too Soon

Posted on August 30, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The second day of school, I was working with The Man, helping him finish an interior painting project because I have not much else going on right now. Mid-morning, I got a phone call from The Boy’s school.

It was The Boy’s special ed teacher, calling because he was refusing to do his work… a student interest inventory in math. I told her he had done one for homework, and logically, may not want to do the same thing all over again. After we hung up, I felt a ball of oh-no-did-she-really-just-call-me-about-something-she-should-totally-be-able-to-handle form in my stomach. I felt like I may have been really wrong to feel relived last week.

She called later that evening sounding a bit panicked, listing her concerns:

There was an unplanned fire “drill” on the first day (something was smoking in the kitchen), and his teachers were concerned about his safety during the drill, because he was pacing.
He left the classroom at one point during the day, without permission.
His social studies teacher thinks it isn’t beneficial for him to be in her class because he is not doing the work, and should go to the resource room for that class.
He draws all the time and is not following instructions.

These were my thoughts that coalesced that evening at the conclusion of the phone call…

There was an unplanned fire drill and he didn’t freak out, have a meltdown, or run for the hills. He paced. That’s clearly a win.
He left the classroom without permission only once. Another win.
He isn’t doing the work in social studies on the second day of school. And?… He didn’t have ESY this year, this is par for the course!
He draws all the time in class, and isn’t following instructions… Welcome to my world.

I know not all kids with autism are alike, but I would expect experienced educators to have a bit more of an understanding of the common obstacles to learning for students with autism. I did provide multiple copies of his IEP/Testing packet that includes a rather extensive narrative from his previous teacher about how to get him to participate and do work. The autism specialist, his special ed teacher and I did meet last week, when I talked at length about these things.

You have to have some competency, and if you don’t, you have to use the resources available to you, before you call me in the middle of class asking what you should do.

I didn’t make any friends when I emailed all and sundry in the special ed department and administration stating that he needs an aide, and only has one in one of his general ed classes. Because of that email, though, the county autism specialist spent a day with The Boy and his special ed teacher, and gave her plenty of strategies to use. Since then, I’ve been trying to smooth things over, but this is not going to be easy. And they are going to get quite used to my face, voice, and the “ping!” of my emails…

What I’m Up To

Posted on August 29, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I have an “orientation” at Michael’s (the craft store) tomorrow to become an official employee, so I can start teaching scrapbooking classes. The pay isn’t as good as I anticipated, but I hope it will supplement my other part-time job…

tutoring! So far, I kinda sorta have one student (his mom and I have a game plan, but not a schedule yet), and he has autism – yay! Suffice it to say I could make up to $30 a week all told!! I know, exciting, right? But in about three weeks, once I can get my classes set up and advertised, and parents start to realize their kids need help, I should get some more hours at Michael’s, and I should get some more tutoring students. And it might be enough to make my car payment…

I’m waiting to hear back from the county about whether or not we qualify for The Boy to be on the state-provided health insurance program. Any day now… Nah. More like 30 days from now… Hopefully.

I’m going to be volunteering and helping The Boy’s band director out a couple of days a week. I also told him I could come in when he has a substitute. He thought I might want to be the substitute, and I assured him I did not. If I’m a volunteer, I can get away with a lot more… Heh, heh, heh…

I’m trying to work with The Boy’s school to get his services ironed out. They are NOT right, and I think they have had very limited experience with kids with autism. More on that in another post, but suffice it to say that right now, I’m reading some books from Wrightslaw about Special Education Law. Just in case.

I’m helping my hubby with some of his big projects. We joke that I don’t get paid, but when he makes money, I make money, and this allows him to get done quicker, which means more work, which means more money… you get the picture. Plus I get to spend the day with him, which is nice about 99% of the time 😉

I get to drop off and pick up my kid right from school – no daycare! I’ve never been able to do this, and it’s pretty cool.

So in summation, I don’t have a ton of money coming in, and my insurance runs out this week. But for the first time in about 17 years, I’m able to give thought and energy to my own kid and my own family, and I have the time to do it, and do it well.

Up All Night

Posted on August 23, 2013 by simpleijustdo

The Boy is prone to abusing screen time past bed time. This is a bad habit that has developed, and after last night, I know I need to do something.

Last night, The Man and I were awoken at a little after 2am by The Boy, pitter pattering about the house, doing whoknowswhat. I got out of bed, caught him awake and bouncing around his room, and reminded him that after lights out, he was to stay in his room and sleep, unless he needed to use the bathroom. “Oh yeah,” he said, “I remember.” In the meantime, The Man had turned on the TV, which he does when he can’t sleep, and which also results in my not being able to sleep… This isn’t going to work.

I had mentioned to The Boy several times in the past few days that once school started, we would need to re-institute “lights out” at 9:30pm (“lights out” doesn’t include his actual light – that stays on all night. But I digress….). I talked to him about school starting at an earlier hour this year, which made him nervous that we would bump back his bedtime. I assured him that it would remain the same, but we really couldn’t be on the electronics all night long. That really wasn’t gonna work.

This morning, I brought it up again.

“When school starts, your computer and your iPad are going to have bedtimes, too,” I said. “But that means my iPad time will be limited again!” he replied, logically. “Bedtime is for sleeping, and you shouldn’t be using your computer or your iPad past bedtime anyway, so it’s not really limiting your time. We’re going to have to put them up for the night – their bedtime will be the same as yours.”

“Can they sleep right here?” he asked, indicating his bedside table with a twinkle in his eye. I know that twinkle… “I think you might try to sneak and use those computers after bedtime,” I replied honestly. “I won’t!!” he promised, but I know better. “What happens if I catch you using it after bedtime?” I asked, reasonably. He took a minute and then said, “Then you can take them and put them up somewhere else.”

Gotta love this. Negotiating, advocating for himself, and determining his own consequences.

He’s growing up!

Housework Help

Posted on August 22, 2013 by simpleijustdo

In order to earn back his iPad time, The Boy has agreed to do some chores to “pay back” his half of the repair bill. We’ve developed a system, and we’ve tweaked it a bit, too, with input from his veryownself. Within the past few days, he has voiced the desire to get this all done by the time school starts… on Monday. If you remember, this was originally supposed to be a four-week process… But I didn’t want him to think it wasn’t possible. I mean, if he wants to work extra hard to get it done quicker, there’s a valuable lesson in that. Last night, I told him we’d sit down with the chore chart and the calendar in the morning and figure it out.

Today, we looked at the chart and figured out what chores he could accomplish today. And I got him started right away – this was key. I showed him how to wipe the kitchen counter down, and he did the other half on his own – check! While standing there in the kitchen, looking at a pile of dishes that needed to be put away, I thought maybe he’d be motivated to earn some extra for things not on his chart… “Hey, do you want to earn some extra money? You could help me put the dishes away…”

“Yeah! I’ll do that!”

Check!

Which lead to changing the load from the washer to the drier, which lead to folding some clothes…

I assigned him the towels, and showed him how to do it. On his first try, it was a messy lump. I had him re-do it, and told him to pay careful attention to lining the corners up just right. And he did it. And I realized I should have shown this to him ages ago.

Now he is in his room, attempting to clear the floor (i.e. putting all the clothes on his floor into the hamper). All by himself.

This works for me!

🙂

Gearing up for Middle School

Posted on August 21, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I met with The Boy’s special education teacher yesterday, who had just been handed his “file” a few hours previous to the meeting, and the county autism specialist who has 16 schools-worth of students on her caseload. There are two special ed teachers at his school, and I had been told that The Boy would probably be assigned to the other, and he indeed had until a few hours before the meeting. I can’t say exactly why, but after looking at their info on the school website, I was secretly pleased about the last minute switch. Needless to say she hadn’t had any time to review his file, and come to find out, it didn’t have the copy of the IEP and testing that I had sent to the county autism specialist in it anyway…

So we talked about The Boy, about his strengths and areas of struggle, about what motivates him and what sets him off. We talked about the similarities between the programs in our new state and our previous state, and the types of accommodations that could be made for him within his school day. We talked about for which subjects inclusion was going to work, and for which he would need to be pulled out to the resource room. We talked about computers, band, and lunch…

The autism consultant seemed overconfident, and the special ed teacher seemed overwhelmed (she was missing a portion of her own teachers’ meeting to meet with me), but both seemed receptive and open.

And I am, too.

I know that our new state’s education system ranks perilously near the bottom. I knew that walking in. And when I pulled out the work samples I had brought with me, they asked, “Are there rubrics on all of these? We don’t use those here. Do they help him?” I almost stumbled over my bottom lip, and I hope my incredulity didn’t show on my face as much as I felt it inside. You see, I was taught from about day one in ED101 how to develop rubrics for every assignment, a way to clearly communicate your expectations for students. And that was 20 years ago. This county (and I’m assuming state) doesn’t even use them, probably hasn’t ever been trained in them, and it was a sucker-punch reminder that we are in one of those states, the ones with piss-poor funding and even crappier respect for its teachers, those teachers who haven’t gotten a raise in six years and are prit-near the bottom of the list when it comes to teacher pay, too…

But I also know that all the research says that the teacher has the most influence on how well a student does in school. And in my son’s case, that will be his special ed teacher, making sure his accommodations are in place, remediating when necessary, building that long-term relationship and trust. In this meeting, I witnessed how far behind this state is, but I also witnessed how willing his teacher is to be his everything while still pushing him as far as he can go. I know that, between the two of us, he’s going to be OK, and that’s a relief.

Earning Back the iPad: Self Advocacy

Posted on August 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Originally, when I developed the plan for The Boy to earn back his iPad time, he would get his time back upon completion of the four-week chore program.

The Boy had a different idea.

He interpreted the plan to mean that if he did some chores, he would earn some additional time the following day, and when we talked about it, I realized that was a much better plan. Immediate (or rather immediate) rewards work much better than delayed rewards.

So I amended the plan, and it seems to be a great motivator. A little self advocacy at work from The Boy, and Mom learns something – win-win!

PS We purchased a Griffin Survivor case for the iPad, and so far we all like how tough it is!

Don’t Live in Fear of the Meltdown

Posted on August 15, 2013 by simpleijustdo

I write this with the disclaimer that it is addressed to myself, as well as everyone else living with autism in their household. I am painfully aware that this is an area of challenge for me, and I write this post with the hope that I will refer to it often to remind myself not to succumb…

We bristle when people tell us that our children are “just spoiled,” and rightfully so. The ex was convinced that my “coddling” of The Boy was his true diagnosis, not autism, and that if we just ~~spanked~~ disciplined him more, he would behave “better”. This post is not to suggest that any of us are too lenient on our children. No one knows our children better than we do, with the exception of the team of people that most of us have, the therapists, teachers and caregivers that help us raise our special, special children.

However…

We also pick our battles. And you have to. If he chooses a pink shirt and orange shorts that are way too small, we may just have to go with it because at least it’s not the pajamas he has worn for the past six days. Refuses to eat vegetables? That’s OK for now, because pizza is better than a diet of ice cubes…

But…

Especially as a single mom, I fell into a bit of complacency. The anticipation of a meltdown would influence my decisions too much to the point that I was bending farther than I should. And it wasn’t until I started dating The Man that this was pointed out to me. At first I was furious, thinking he was telling me how to raise my son. But he wasn’t. He was just pointing out that The Boy really didn’t need to sneak that giant sucker into his room to eat right before dinner, and that it really was my job to call him on it.

Oh… Yeah… I’m the adult. (Duh!)

And I have found that if I am consistent about calling him out on little stuff, he is less likely to get really agitated by it. Last night, The Boy’s iPad time limit (instituted until he “pays back” his half of the repair bill) ran out, and he started to raise his voice when I insisted on taking it from the room. It looked like he was going to blow it, but after some (albeit loud) whining, he accepted it without much further ado.

My suggestions are to avoid complacency and shoot for consistency. All kids crave some structure. The more consistently we provide it, I think the fewer big meltdowns occur from being called on what is actually poor behavior. That’s my theory, anyway.

Now if I can just remember this 24-7…

First Contact: Middle School

Posted on August 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Today, we met with the principal at The Boy’s new school.

I went in knowing that they don’t have all of the programs and supports that his previous school had, but hoping to get a feel for the size of the classes and the flexibility they have to accommodate The Boy’s needs. We were also hoping to get a peek at the school so The Boy could become a little familiar – the more of those before school actually starts, the better!

Tomlinson Middle School New General Classroom

(not The Boy’s real classroom)

I was very pleasantly surprised. Our new principal (besides being an old friend of The Man) was very personable, and very open about their programs. He was very reassuring and informative about the various ways they can meet The Boy’s needs. And as I very well know, the principal’s attitude sets the tone for the staff. Having someone as caring and open as this man in our corner reassures me a great deal.

We spoke about placements, and what worked at The Boy’s previous school. We talked about class size (Only 70 6th graders in the whole class!) and personnel. We talked about The Boy’s interests and motivators, and what exploratory classes he might be interested in. And The Boy seemed very happy to meet this nice principal. This man doesn’t know it yet, but The Boy cares a great deal about the person in the principal position: what he thinks, and how he enforces the rules in his school.

All in all, I feel more hopeful than I did before. Hopeful that this just might work, and The Boy may thrive in this environment, too, even though it is so different.

Camp’s End

Posted on August 10, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Today is The Boy’s last day of summer day camp, and he said yesterday that he will miss it. We’ve come a long way from it not being just like ESY, and the battles to get him out the door because he couldn’t use a computer there.

With the end of his summer routine comes anxiety, both the good and bad kinds. He is excited to start school, and we meet with his new principal next Tuesday to see the school and get a feel for how his days will run. Of course they are still working on his schedule and reviewing his IEP to see how they are going to have to meet it, for 30 days at least…

His dad will most likely not be taking him for his summer visitation at all, so The Boy has two weeks until the new school routine starts. He wants to get in last trips to the water park, the beach, and all of those activities which require free time. We’re also going to be looking at some used bikes this weekend, so he can continue to ride around the neighborhood with his new buddies.

And of course, I have anxiety about this new school and whether or not they will be able to meet his needs. Will we be able to work out our work and school schedules? What will they try to change when the 30 days is up, and how hard will I have to fight?

Deep breath…

Whatever comes, we can handle it. He didn’t like camp at first, and now he is going to miss it. Me too.