noncustodial parent | Simple. I Just Do.

The ex has called a couple of times over the past month or so, after a couple of months of not calling. He said, “I get him for Christmas this year, right?” Ummm, ok. So after making use of your liberal visitation schedule for two weeks out of the last 104, you want to stake your claim? Sure. Yes, you actually are supposed to have him starting on Christmas Eve, as it is an odd year. “I’ll try to get some time off, then,” he said. Sure, I thought. Like last Christmas.

He called once more, spoke to The Boy only for a little while, and that was the last we heard anything about Christmas. The Boy’s birthday was Wednesday, and his mom had sent gifts, one from her, and one from his dad. Her card said they were looking forward to seeing him at Christmas. But the ex didn’t even call his son on his birthday.

What?

My mom told me that recently, she and The Boy were at Walmart and he said he really hoped he’d get to see his dad at Christmas, because he hadn’t seen him since April. Yes, it hurts him more than he’ll admit to me, and yes, he does keep track.

As The Man says, kids are only young once. He’s going to miss it completely.

Angry for The Boy and pity for the ex. And partly angry for me too, really, because I have my own life and family that will be affected by his inadequacy. But mostly angry for The Boy.

After the divorce, The Boy talked to his dad about once a week on the phone. At least, his dad did most of the talking, unsure of how to get him to respond, and frequently pissed off because The Boy didn’t speak much at all. Over the years, his contact with The Boy has decreased dramatically, as I somehow knew it would, sooner or later.

The ex hasn’t seen his son in almost a year. He hasn’t spoken to him since January 23.

People rarely change, unless they invite it, seek it, and educate themselves to effect it. None of these, unfortunately, apply to the ex. Unfortunately for The Boy, who will probably always have a strained relationship with his dad, if he has one at all. And unfortunately for the ex, who obviously hasn’t a clue what he is missing, and won’t be able to get this missed time with his son back.

Luckily for The Boy, I think he notices it less now that he has a step-dad around, full-time. One who takes him for rides in the truck, wrestles with him, jokes with him, and obviously cares about him. The Man will never replace his dad, but he sure makes up for what his dad lacks in his life. And that’s a good thing. Couldn’t get much better, in fact.