New School Visit

Today, The Boy and I go to visit his new school in the afternoon.  I am picking him up for lunch so that he doesn’t have to go to social studies.  We’ll have a special McDonald’s lunch and then head to the new school to see where his classes will be and meet some of his new teachers.

The Boy is extremely excited, and asks for a daily report about how long it will be before he goes to his new school.  We got the phone call today from the company providing his transportation, as they thought he was starting tomorrow.  I told them they could wait another week, but The Boy was excited to learn that he will be transported to and from school in a gold-colored Town and Country van.  It will be a long trip for him, but he has missed riding this bus all these years, and was always so envious of his buddies who were “bussed” in from other districts at his old school, often in charter company cars like he will now be using.  I think he will love it.

plannershot1I hope he can contain himself at his current school for one more week.  We got a note home from his social studies teacher on Thursday that he was “jumping out of his seat” during class, and I immediately thought, “because he’s happy he only has one more week in your class, lady!”  I didn’t bother to respond.

My excitement is tempered with a bit of anxiety, as any mother’s would be.  But I take heart in the fact that those who know him best on this planet agree with me that this will be a good switch for him, and that he can handle it.  Judging by his excitement, I’m fairly certain he will prove us correct.

A New Placement for The Boy

At our reconvened meeting yesterday, the team reached a consensus that The Boy’s needs would best be met through the pilot program at the school across the county!  He and I will visit early next week, and will officially start the Monday of (American) Thanksgiving week, which I hope will give him transition, being a short week.

I have to say that I was intimidated by the number of people that would be there, and I wasn’t sure of everyone’s agendas, but it turned out to be a very positive thing, and a constructive process to arrive at our decision.  Everyone there was really interested in what was best for The Boy, and I was very pleased at the level of conversation.

And for all of the hoping I’ve been doing, I know it won’t be “the answer” to all of our problems and issues.  Indeed, we may have exchanged new ones for the old.  But I truly feel that the depth of knowledge of the special ed staff in regards to autism, the training that the general ed staff has received and continues to receive, and the fact that The Boy has actual friends already at the school will go a lot further towards our goals for him than the program he is currently in.

I’m anxious for him, as it is all another change, and big one (and lots of little ones!), but I’m hopeful.  More hopeful than I’ve been in a long time.

I’m Tired

dogasleepI’m tired of responding to emails about The Boy refusing to do his work, or clearing up miscommunications about tests and modified due dates.  I’m tired of having meetings that go on and on about how he has basic characteristics of autism.  Yup… We knew that already.  I’m tired of people who apparently don’t have a dictionary or basic internet access, and still don’t understand what a modification is, or what autism even is in the first place.  I’m tired of teachers trying to penalize him for “refusing” to do his work.  I’m tired of receiving an email that sends me into a frustrated tailspin for the rest of the day.  I’m tired of teaching my son about Egypt and minerals because for some reason they just don’t know how to teach him this stuff at school.  I’m tired of politely telling them how poor their assessments are, for any child.

It’s overwhelming, and it has become my full-time job.  And it can’t be.  Pretty soon, I will not be available at their beck and call, and I will not have hours to prepare lessons for my own son.  Because I need to work for real, and earn real money ASAP.

I know he is one of the 70 kids you see in a day (and don’t try to tell me you have more, because you don’t.  There are only 70 sixth graders in the school).  I know you feel like you don’t have the time to spend on this one child.  But if there’s one thing you should have learned over the span of your careers is that the amount of time you spend on each child will never be equal.  Some kids need more of your attention, and the equitable thing to do is to provide it, instead of throwing your hands up in the air and saying, “I just don’t know what to do!”

The internet is an amazing thing.  You can find YouTube videos on just about anything.  Hell, I don’t even teach PE, but I was able to find a resource on how to provide accommodations to students with special needs on the President’s Physical Fitness Test by simply typing all of that into my google search bar.  It took me less than 10 seconds.

I just spent an hour searching “autism work refusal” and got some really helpful information from a bunch of sites.  It’s not all helpful, but the search provided ideas for how to engage students on the spectrum who will not do classwork (and who won’t even show up for school), rather than punish them, and “hold them accountable”.

My kid loves school.  My kid thrived in his old school.  My kid has adjusted so incredibly well to the structure of middle school.  They have so much in their favor, and they still can’t make it happen.

I can’t make his teachers want to help him, and I can’t help him all on my own.  This is my conundrum, and this is why I’m tired.

Big Meeting, the Second Time Around

Our rescheduled IEP meeting is today, and let me tell you, I feel so much more prepared this time around.  I am so glad that I was able to call them out on a technicality and give myself some more time to gather my wits and my resources.  Today, I’m bringing our regional rep from the Autism Society in our state.  I’ve talked with her a bunch over the last couple of weeks, and she will be there to advise me, and be an extra pair of ears.

They will still have a passel of personnel in attendance, but they don’t scare me anymore.  I have data from his previous school that supports everything that I say he needs and isn’t getting.  I have documentation in the form of emails from his current teachers that supports everything I say he needs and isn’t getting.  And I have a better understanding of their intentions, as well as the process, and my rights.

And my focus now is on the IEP, even though we will be discussing placement, as well.  He needs and aide, he needs autism-savvy teachers, and he needs help with organization.  Period.  I would like to see him go to a school that is better equipped for his needs, but I’m not as steadfast in that as I was, because I’m not sure I want him in a school where they so obviously are against him being there.  When it comes down to it, no matter where he is placed, we will continue to have a fight on our hands, and now that I know that, I am better prepared to roll with the punches (Inner Biker Chick is present and accounted for, thankyouverymuch).

What a difference a couple of weeks makes.  Let’s ride!

Laura & Margie - biker chicks

Laura & Margie – biker chicks, mslaura

My Inner Biker Chick

Happy Halloween, Everybody!  Since Halloween is an opportunity for us to show our alter egos, I thought this would be an appropriate post…

OK, I’m sharing a lot in this post.  Stuff that I’m pretty sure my husband would laugh at me for, but I’m still gonna share it, and I’ll explain why at the end.

Last week Wednesday, I was a wreck.  If you remember, I had this IEP meeting scheduled the next day with 10 school district personnel, and no idea of their intentions.  Except I was pretty sure they were going to have arguments against what I think is best for The Boy.  I wasn’t prepared, and I was feeling overwhelmed and unsure of myself.  I have been a special needs parent for a long time, but lucky enough to not have to fight for my child when it comes to modifications, accommodations, and placements.

And now I have to fight, and I’m not confident enough to do it alone.

I went to my mom’s house and cried.  And talked.  And felt better, although still apprehensive. (Thank goodness for moms!)

biker chickOn the way home, I heard Cake’s “Short Skirt/Long Jacket.”  Music has always had an effect on me, and has been able to literally change my mood in the span of one song.  It’s what I use to get motivated on a big project (or just to clean the house).  Well, this song helped me a great deal that day.  It started me thinking of a strong capable woman that isn’t going to take crap from anybody, and it started me thinking that it really was me all along.  I was that girl with a short skirt and a loooooooong jacket.  (You really must take a listen.)

Here’s why I share visions of my inner biker chick, called forth by a coincidental listening to Cake: because we all suffer from these periods of wreckedness.  We all think that sometimes we just can’t.  But for me (and maybe for some of you), listening to the right songs can remind us of our inner strength, that goddess/biker chick that really is pretty darn tough.  Tough enough to fight, and tough enough to roll with the punches.

Time to go get a leather jacket to wear to the next meeting, and a machete so I can cut through the red tape… 😉

Is This the Moment Where the Importance of Public Education Dies?

I was raised to believe in the power of a good education, that education is something, once earned, no one can take from you.  And I still believe in those things.  But I am getting a sudden, rude awakening in dealing with less-than-stellar schooling for my son.  And I’m gaining a new perspective on education in general.

I’ve followed the reports about college degrees not being as necessary as they once were (or at least not getting much return on investment).  I’ve seen alternatives to public schooling that work.  And I have now witnessed public education that has lost its focus on children, and gone in such a wrong direction.

So what is the value of an education for my son?

What is the endgame here?

Will he attend college? Maybe — I’m not ruling it out, but most likely, no college program is going to be able to provide him with the supports he needs to learn, at least no college program that we are going to be able to afford.  He is a bright boy, but it takes a lot of work on his part and the part of those educating him to see results.  It takes a lot of understanding, a lot of compassion, and having the right people in the right place at the right time to make it happen, and realistically, I don’t see anything like that happening at the college level.

WordsearchSo the value of an education for my son is not about subject matter content.  The value of a public education is in the social skills he learns.  I can supplement subject matter content until the cows come home, but what I really want him to walk away with is the ability to understand neuro-typical behavior to some extent, and to be able to cope in this neuro-typical world.  I want him to be as independent as possible, and I don’t think “learning” about the Pharaohs of Egypt by doing a wordsearch is going to contribute much to that goal.

Therefore, stressing about getting that stupid wordsearch done doesn’t give us much return on investment.  And I’m OK with a C in a class where the teacher probably privately thinks that modifications and accommodations are unfair.  I have always been much more interested in IEP goal reports than report cards, because learning to live in the world around us is our endgame.  And learning to live in the world around us is so much more important than a stupid wordsearch.

Reprieve

Our meeting scheduled for today will not be happening.

IEP documentationI was feeling very overwhelmed, and distrustful — just what was the district doing by inviting 10 district personnel?  What is their goal, here?  Were they trying to intimidate me?  Through some calls to friends and local resources, I was directed to call the state department of ed, because they actually have a department that acts as a watchdog for parents and students, and ensures that school districts are following the proper procedures.  Come to find out, our district people had not followed the proper procedures, so I was allowed to request that the meeting be rescheduled.  And I did.

It may only be delaying the inevitable, but one of the things that they were supposed to do (and didn’t) was to provide me with a list of people who have been invited, as well as an agenda, of sorts — a statement of their intention for the meeting.  The delay will also allow me to marshal my own troops, which I didn’t really have time to do for the originally scheduled meeting.

I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I spoke with the incredibly supportive lady from the state.  I was really struggling to hold myself together that morning.  I was beginning to feel helpless and hopeless.  Fighting the system is extremely difficult, and I was feeling so alone.  But with all of the people I’ve spoken to in the last couple of days, I feel like I’m beginning to have a very real support network of people who can help me in my quest to get the best for my boy.

Tonight I can breathe.  Tonight I can get some sleep.  Tonight I can hope.

The View from the Other Side Is Blurry

I had a post drafted for today, but I had to revise it.  I’ve mentioned the struggles we’re having with The Boy’s new school, and how little they seem to know about autism, and how to make modifications and accommodations that are necessary for him to thrive within the general education curriculum.  His teachers came to his IEP meeting with that deer-in-headlights look, as if they have never seen a creature like my son before, and had no clue about how to assist him in his learning.

As a teacher, I knew that ineffective teaching existed — I just didn’t really witness it.  I taught for over 17 years, and rarely did I work or come into contact with colleagues from whom I wouldn’t want my son to learn.  There were strict teachers and lax teachers, friendly teachers and more distant teachers, scattered teachers and organized teachers, but essentially they still knew what they were doing.  It was even more rare to come across a teacher who was not good with kids.  Even teachers who were not warm and fuzzy were still able to form relationships with kids and treat them fairly and professionally.

I guess that’s why I’m having such a hard time with one of The Boy’s teachers in particular.  They all seem a little lost in terms of autism, and a few seem a little scattered in terms of general teaching skills.  This one in particular has problems communicating, both with me and The Boy.  She assigns a crazy amount of work, even for a neurotypical student.  She uses rubrics, but they do not seem to assess knowledge of social studies content, rather the processes by which the content is expressed – for example, there is a public speaking rubric for sharing current events, and a writing rubric for a research project.  I don’t know for sure, but I can guess that she is not teaching about public speaking and/or writing in her class, so where are the assessments that give her information on what the students have learned from her?

More importantly in our own case is that she seems to dislike having a student in her room that isn’t “normal”.  She decided on the second day of school that The Boy should be placed in the resource room rather than go to her class because he wasn’t “doing the work”.  She wrote in his planner last week that he wouldn’t “answer” her.  She sent me an email today, saying that The Boy had printed off 43 pages from the internet in the computer lab yesterday and that there is a rule against printing without a teacher’s permission. She has made only one modification since the beginning of the year, giving The Boy a modified review sheet and quiz that she had printed off from a “special needs workbook” published by the textbook publisher, and refused to give him extra time to study as I requested, and which is also an accommodation spelled out in his IEP.

When I got the email about computer lab printing rules today, I could hear my pulse quicken, could feel the blood in my veins heat up, saw my hands clenching into fists involuntarily.  I took a breath, and reminded myself not to answer immediately (calm down, Mama Bear – Ha!).  After a few minutes, I responded that I would reinforce the printing rule with The Boy when he returned home, but also asked her to please remember that he has a hard time asking for help when he needs it.

And then I sat down to write this post.

And this seemed like even more proof that this woman was not nice, would continue to be a source of frustration and obstruction this school year, and was looking for any excuse to prove that my son can’t.

And then she responded to my last email, telling me she knew he didn’t do it on purpose, and that he shared his research project in front of the class by sharing his maps while she read his points of interest, and the children clapped for him.  She said it was a successful day for everyone.

And all of a sudden, my impressions of her became blurred, and a little bit of hope peeked through.

I can only hope that we will all learn a lot this year.

A ray of hope?...

A ray of hope?…

Reflections on an IEP Meeting

Our IEP meeting was Thursday, and I felt like we accomplished something, but I’m reserved in my enthusiasm…  More of a wait-and-see attitude about it all.

The good:

  • They agreed to implement his IEP as it came from our previous state, to the best of their ability
  • They agreed that training for the teachers in modifications and accommodations was necessary immediately
  • The teachers seemed to support his need for an aide
  • We finally fixed his schedule so that he would no longer have two math classes
  • They will be adding ASD-specific life skills to his schedule to replace the math
  • They will be looking for some sort of computer for him to use for assignment
  • They will begin to actually implement his IEP, and the ASD specialist commented several times that this was overdue

The not-so-good, of the “shake my head” variety:

  • The teachers kept bringing up common autistic traits, “He won’t talk to me,” or “He won’t do his work, even after being directed”
  • The principal asked me point-blank, “He won’t verbalize it if he needs something??”
  • They are going to do more testing, including a psychological and intelligence (IQ) test, even though he was thoroughly evaluated this spring in his old district, simply because the new state requires these other tests
  • My concerns about organization help and communication were not addressed as specifically as I’d like them to be
  • They included a note about following his IEP “to the best of their ability”

I think I was heard, I think they have a better idea of what needs to be done, I think I’m not “that woman” anymore.  I don’t know to what extent they will follow through on their promises, and they have a great deal to learn about autism in general, and my son, specifically.

I hope we accomplished something.  I hope…

IEP documentation

Practical Tips for Email Documentation: IEPs and Dealing with the School

Because I am new-but-not-really-new to having to fight for my son’s rights, I have an interesting learning curve.  I am very aware of the law, but not as well versed in the day-to-day practices that are highly recommended for those of us battling the schools.  It’s not dissimilar to having a less-than-amicable divorce, especially because documentation is so important.

I have always been a proponent of email, in large part because it is an easy way to establish a paper trail.  As such, I have been emailing The Boy’s teachers and administrators since the beginning of the school year with my concerns and requests.  As we have gone further into the school year, and I have realized that things are not running as smoothly as I had hoped, I am glad I have the emails as documentation, but have found that just leaving them in my inbox is not the best organizational practice, and it would be cumbersome to try to sort, save, and/or print just the relevant correspondence.

Through trial and error, I have found a great way to organize these emails with the idea of using them for documentation in the IEP process, and possible mediation process if necessary later on.  I hope we don’t have to go that far, but it is much better to be prepared and do the legwork now than to have to go back through several month’s worth of emails.

circlesFirst of all, I highly recommend using a gmail account for your correspondence with the schools, because it has capabilities that other email accounts don’t have.  I have put all of the teachers and administrators in a “circle” within my gmail account, labeled “The Boy’s School”.  I can click on that “circle” and view all of the emails from those people without the distractions of other, unrelated emails in the way.

Secondly, I have an existing Evernote account.  You can download a free desktop version, which is all I’ve ever used, and although I don’t use it often, it has some very neat capabilities.  If you aren’t familiar, you can check it out here.  It also has an app for smartphones, which can sync with your desktop app.  Evernote is like a huge notebook where you can store and organize stuff – stuff as small as an idea, and stuff as large as a document.  One of the great things about Evernote, that we will use here, is that you can create notes by emailing whatever you’d like to your Evernote account – it sets up a specific-to-you email for this purpose.

After you have a gmail account and an Evernote account, you can then select all of the school email addresses in your gmail account and apply a filter, forwarding copies of all of the emails from people in your school circle to your Evernote account (using that Evernote-specific email), thereby creating “notes” out of all correspondence with all of your child’s teachers and administrators. To do this, select all of the messages within a “circle”, click on the “more” button, and select “filter messages like these”.  Follow the directions from there, plugging in your specific-to-you Evernote email address.  It is important to note that the filter will only forward the emails that are received after the filter has been applied – you will have to forward each email that has already been received, yourself.

Evernote

You can also save texts to Evernote by either using an app that will do this for you (there are several), or by taking screenshots of the texts on your phone (do this on an iPhone by pressing the home and power button simultaneously), and emailing them to your Evernote-specific email.  If you have the smartphone Evernote app, it’s even simpler: After you have taken screenshots of the texts, you can open your Evernote app, press the “+” button to add a note, press on the camera icon, select “choose existing” which will take you to your camera roll, and you can select the screenshot you just took of the text from your camera roll.

You can even save voicemails to Evernote (or recordings of meetings!), if you have recording capabilities on your phone/computer, and can save them as an mp3 file.

Finally, you can merge notes (say all of the emails from his social studies teacher, so you can prove a pattern of disregard for the modifications she needs to be making for your son… for example…), and/or you can create a pdf of the selected note(s) by choosing “print” and instead, saving as a pdf (click on the radio button on the lower left hand corner in the print pop-up screen).

It helps to go into all of your notes, and change the date to the actual date of the correspondence, rather than the date you entered it into Evernote – you can do this by clicking on the “i” icon.  You may also want to tag your newly entered notes with the last name of those involved.  This is not necessary with emails, as Evernote will search the emails for the relevant names, but it is another layer of organization.

These tips can also be used by teachers to keep track of correspondence with specific parents, or by anyone who needs to organize emails, texts, and the like from specific people!