Teacher Appreciation

Posted on May 6, 2013 by simpleijustdo

If you weren’t aware, this week is teacher appreciation week. And I have a few things to say about teachers – a few blog posts-worth. I’ll start with this…

Teachers work hard. I know because I am one. I also know because I watch others do it, and because I know my own son. I remember my friends as students from my own time in school, and I have been immersed in the culture of education for the past 33 years. I have also come to realize that teaching is one of the most difficult gigs out there. I have only recently learned this from speaking to colleagues who have worked in other sectors before teaching (and some after teaching, as well). And I can tell you that it has only gotten harder as the years have gone by.

Teachers, lately, have started verbalizing how difficult the job is, primarily because the demands have increased while the rewards have decreased. And there has been considerable backlash. No one goes into teaching because they get summers off (because we don’t, really) and will make loads of money, but neither should teachers qualify for public assistance, yet they do. Neither should they have their names printed in the local paper, labeled “ineffective” based on their students’ test scores, yet they do. Teachers are sometimes expected to produce miracles, and when they don’t they are vilified.

I consider myself a good teacher, and I don’t think it’s conceited to say so. One knows when one is good at one’s job. Notice I didn’t say “great”. But over my career, I have been called a racist, a “favoritist”, I have had countless parents berate me over the phone, swear at me, and question me on why I didn’t let her daughter fill out her birthday invitations in class, or why I was upset that their son threw pencils at my office door.

Those aren’t typical days, but increasingly I am incredulous at the things we deal with, from all sides. It’s a really hard job. And parents who really know their children usually get it. It’s too bad so many don’t have a clue who their own children are (“My son doesn’t lie!”).

So take a moment this week, and think about the people who have taught you, and the people who are teaching the children of today. Send them good thoughts and/or prayers that they will continue to have the strength to do the job they do, because that’s what they really need, so much more than the trinkets from the dollar store, and the cookies. They need your support in the classroom, in the community, and at the polls. They sacrifice so much and work so hard for our kids, and will never be appreciated enough for doing so.

I Wanted to Sing from Here

Posted on April 25, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Last night was The Boy’s Choir concert. This is his second year in the choir, and he has been less enthusiastic recently, I think in part because the time of the rehearsals changed to before school, and he would have to miss Kids Club. Also, his voice is changing dramatically. He has been missing so many rehearsals, I had emailed his teacher thinking he wasn’t going to participate in the concert. But she assured me that he was expected, and they would love to have him there, so I made sure he was ready to the best of my ability.

These concerts, from a parent’s perspective, can be challenging. In our community, parents are hyper-involved. To the point that you want to tell them all to just go home. The first day of school is absolutely chaotic, because every parent wants to escort their child from the parking lot to the door of their classroom. When you have 800 elementary school students, and at least two family member accompanying them, you can imagine the scene, and hopefully you can understand my eye roll.

Concerts are no different, except there’s a twist. Not only do both parents come, but the entire extended family comes, complete with expensive florist bouquets for their little star. And they save seats. What are we, in second grade ourselves, at the lunch table? And not just one or two seats. The family in front of us last night had seven seats “saved”, and turned away several families looking for seats. There have been several years when I had to stand because I wasn’t going to haggle for a place to sit.

In any case, it can be tense, and it can be difficult to enjoy. But this year was an exception. We went early, made sure we had a parking spot and didn’t need to hike six blocks to the school. We got good seats, got The Boy settled with his classmates after walking the halls for quite awhile until there was adult supervision in his room, and were ready for the show to start, feeling apprehensive about the screaming babies, and the seat-savers, and the woman with extremely big hair in front of us.

The choir was first, and they were great. I don’t think they’ve had such a big choir in a long time. The Boy sang, and fit right in for the first two songs. And then the third tune came, complete with all kinds of “moves”. And of course, The Boy didn’t have much of a clue because he hasn’t been to rehearsal. But it turned out to be adorable and funny, and just the type of thing we could expect from him. All the kids would turn around, and he was the only one facing front, and he’s not hard to spot in a crowd of fifth graders because he’s taller than 99% of them! But rather than be embarrassed, we laughed because it was so him, and I was proud that he wanted to be with his friends and participate.

The rest of the grades were cute (how can you not enjoy a bunch of kindergartners singing??), and then all the kids came back in for the finale. Just before the (planned) encore, The Boy slipped away from his classmates, and zipped across the front of the auditorium. My mom nudged me, and before I had time to panic, he was making his way down our row, heading for the empty seat next to me. He sat down and explained, “I wanted to sing this one from here!” and I couldn’t have a problem with that. He did sing, and it was really cool to hear him up close. It may not have been typical, but so what? I’m a proud mama anyway.

Nerd Day

Posted on March 26, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Spirit Days: those days at school where kids dress up according to a theme, supposedly to celebrate school spirit, often planned by the school’s student council or some such group. Again, I don’t often write about school, but it’s bothering me, and when things bother me, I write. Wednesday this week has been dedicated “Nerd Day”. Students are encouraged to dress up as nerds, or as some of the kids are already calling it, “Loser Day”.

I’m sure we had something similar when I was in school, and that is where my deep-rooted dislike of this type of spirit day started. You see, I was a nerd. Still am. Think about the number one accessory you need to dress up like a stereotypical nerd. What did you come up with? I bet 90% of you thought, “glasses”. Yep. So I didn’t even need to dress up for nerd day – I was already in costume, whether I wanted to be or not. Whether I wanted to be identified as a nerd, or not.

I thought the trend was to help kids get away from stereotyping their classmates and people in general. So it’s OK to do it, if it’s for school spirit? Can you imagine if they had a “jock” day, or a “Mean Girls” day, or a “Sped” day… Instead of embracing and celebrating everyone’s differences, we encourage the school to dress up as a stereotype.

Now, as I said, I am still a nerd. I prefer books to people (in general), dislike partying (in general), was always studious and smart, and enjoyed rather off-the-beaten track music, movies, and senses of humor. I cried last night when watching the last episode of Dr. Who with David Tennant as Dr. Who, OK?? I’m a nerd, and I own it, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing!

But kids? Kids are self-conscious, sensitive, undeveloped globs of anxiety. I think we should put more thought into stuff like this.

*stepping down off my soap box*

What do you think? Am I overreacting?

***Update: we just received word at the end of the day that tomorrow’s theme has been changed to super hero day.

Got Your Summer Booked Yet?

Posted on February 13, 2013 by simpleijustdo

One of the biggest anxieties The Boy has about moving is that he will miss his ESY program (that’s Extended School Year, if you weren’t aware). ESY is a service that public schools provide to children who would otherwise take a drastic step backward in their academic and behavioral progress if they did not continue a type of school structure through the summer months. Many districts keep this service on the down-low because if parents don’t know about it, and don’t ask about it, and they don’t happen to mention it at the IEP, they don’t have to have a program and pay for it. I know districts that do this on purpose, intimately. Some districts even go so far as to tell parents that their children don’t need it, just so that they don’t have to have a program…

But The Boy’s district has a fabulous program, although it has scaled back even in the five years The Boy has attended, I’m assuming due to funding cuts. In any case, he digs it. Looks forward to it, and collects the T-shirts (even from years before he attended, thanks to an awesome gift from his amazing ASD teacher). It’s like really, really laid back school. But it’s structure, and school-like, so The Boy can’t get enough.

Now, when we move, from what I can tell, there is nothing like that where we will be. Plan B is a summer program offered either by the Boys and Girls Club or the City Parks and Rec department. If it isn’t Boy-friendly (i.e. they’re not used to having special needs kids participate…), it soon will be. I can guarantee that.

I just hope we can get him in a daily program with enough structure that he will enjoy it, and maybe meet some new friends. It breaks my heart that he won’t be able to attend ESY, but I hope with a little planning and forethought, we can find him the next best thing.

Wish us luck!

The Look

Posted on February 9, 2013 by simpleijustdo

You know the saying about there being a fine line between bravery and stupidity?

Increasingly, I have been getting “the look” from people I know and work with. The look that says the person can’t quite tell which one I am, brave or stupid. This “idea” of giving it all up and moving south. “Is she really gonna do it?” is what that look says. Mostly it’s people who don’t know me too well, because the people who know me well also know it isn’t an “idea” — it’s a reality.

I can understand the look. I can understand the thought process behind it. But the truth is, my parents prepped me for big moments like this the entire time I was growing up. Education, education, education was the key to independence, independence, independence. For a long, long time, I assumed it was freedom from depending on someone else. But it isn’t just independence from other people. It’s also independence as my own person. Independence from a job, career path, lifestyle, society, thought, etc. The ability to think for myself and know myself enough to know when to walk away. To walk toward something simpler, easier, more satisfying. Toward a smaller pile of money, sure, but much more happiness. And not just for me, but for my boy, too.

And it’s not all that easy. Some things will be infinitely harder down there. But there will be love. Lots of love. And I guess I never quite stopped believing that love is enough, especially now that I know what true love feels like.

The most interesting part about “the look”? Mixed in with all of the incredulity, disbelief, and sizing up?

There’s more than a little jealousy in there, too.

The Curse (or is it Gift?) of the Middle School Teacher

Posted on January 20, 2013 by simpleijustdo

After teaching middle schoolers for almost half my life, I can see what kids will look like as teenagers. If I really look at a child that still has some baby fat, baby teeth, braces, and that awkward, gawky way of trying to hold their body just so, I can picture him or her after 4 years or so, taller, more self-assured, straighter teeth.

I looked at The Boy today and realized he is no longer a boy. He is quickly on his way to becoming a teen. He had just woken up, and was still a little out of it, staring into space, allowing me a moment to really study him. And I blinked, looked at the pictures all around us in our living room, at that little boy in kindergarten, then after he’d lost a few teeth, looking like that beautiful, typical American boy… “Where did my baby go?” I said. “He’s in the pictures, Mom,” The Boy replied as I hugged him tight. I watched him amble off, down the hall, and I pictured him, taller, broader shoulders, and a little more self-assured (I mean, after all, he can even make his own bagels, now!), and I had two simultaneous emotions: sadness that I’m losing my little boy, and hope for the man he will become.

And here come the tears…

Humiliating Your Child Is Not Parenting

Posted on January 11, 2013 by simpleijustdo

Did you see the Facebook post of the parent who took a picture of her son with his Playstation and a Captain America figure, and the sign he held up that said something like, “I had to return the Playstation I was going to get for Christmas because I didn’t show enough gratitude for the Captain America figure I got.”

Really? This is what you came up with to teach your son about gratitude? Using social media as a weapon, a source of humiliation and embarrassment?

I think there’s a growing trend of extremism in all aspects of society, and I think parenting has not escaped this trend. Listen, I am not a pushover teacher. I have many students who are not used to hearing the word, “no”, but I will say it as many times as it takes to be understood. But in teaching and parenting, one must realize that we are dealing with children, who by very definition are still learning how to be human beings, which means they will make mistakes. And when they make those mistakes, humiliating them in front of millions of people (or even your closest 200 friends) might not be the best approach, nor will it be very effective in teaching the lesson you would like them to learn. The “lesson” or consequence should be immediate, should fit the action or behavior, and should directly relate to what you’d like them to learn.

If my son didn’t show the appropriate amount of gratitude, I would first ask myself, “Did I explain to him what my expectations were about showing gratitude when receiving a gift?” If I didn’t, then we go back and review those – you can’t blame a kid who doesn’t know the parameters. If I did make my expectations clear, I would remind him of my expectations, ask him to think about the amount of gratitude he showed when receiving the gift, and then ask him what he thinks we should do to fix the situation. We might verbally apologize, send a hand-written thank-you note to the gift-giver, or even plan a volunteer experience with people who are less fortunate so we might learn a little bit about giving and receiving, wanting and needing, and all of the emotions involved (and how they are communicated).

You don’t get respect unless you give it. Our children, who are still learning, and who will make mistakes, deserve our respect, not our ridicule.

Full Inclusion = Extreme School

Posted on January 2, 2013 by simpleijustdo

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why educators insist on sameness.

We spend most of a child’s formative years insisting to them that they are special, they are unique, they are individuals with a right to their own ways of being. And then they go to school…

They go to school and learn to become like everyone else, learning the same things, at the same pace, regardless of where their interests, talents, and abilities lie. Every student must take algebra, every student must take foreign language, every student will be proficient in x, y, and z.

I’m not sure when the trend toward standardization began in schools, although I have a feeling it’s been there since the beginning, because it’s easier and cheaper than individualizing instruction. The inherent problem with this is that kids are people, and there are no two people who are exactly the same. Therefore, everyone has special needs. I need a map if you are giving me directions, otherwise I will get hopelessly lost. The Man learns by doing – you can give him all the instructions you want, but he needs to play Euchre before he can actually learn all the rules. The Boy needs breaks and incentives throughout his day to get his work done. And he needs alone time with an electronic device to decompress.

So why the soapbox post today?

Recently, I have heard some teachers in full-inclusion situations say things like, “They do just fine, until they don’t,” or “He’s on those video games as soon as he gets into the car after school. I wish his mom wouldn’t use them as a crutch, a babysitter.” In the full-inclusion world, any kid that visits the resource room more than 45 minutes a week is “severe”.

Think about some part of your daily work that requires all of your concentration and effort. Now think about doing that task for six hours a day.

My kid with autism works so hard at being like the other kids in the classroom, and he has made great strides. There are still times where he escapes, lashes out, or just isn’t absorbing much, but he is working really hard. His ASD classroom provides a space for him to just be without the trappings of societal expectations. Does that mean the learning stops? NO, in fact, more learning goes on in that room because he doesn’t have to try to be someone he isn’t. In the ASD room (some may call it a resource room), they have the ability to slow down, speed up, back up, and stop if necessary, providing those little pit stops on the way to encourage the work being done. My kid with autism has thrived with this IEP recipe.

And maybe that kid with autism who is on the video games in the car is seeking respite from working his butt off in your classroom all day long. Maybe his mom lets him have that time to be himself because that’s what’s best for him.

Is full inclusion bad? No. Of course there are kids who will thrive in that set-up! We want our kids to have full access to the curriculum and the right to full inclusion if that’s what’s best. But I’m not sure why it has to be all or nothing for every kid — It’s pretty rare when “all or nothing” is a good idea in education.

Hot Dogs & The Future

Posted on December 6, 2012 by simpleijustdo

Sometimes people will ask about The Boy’s future. Will he go to college? Will he live on his own? What will he do when he’s an adult?

The crazy thing about autism, is that it is unpredictable. I have no clue what the future will look like. Most parents of NT kids can reasonably assume that their child will go to college or trade school, or get work experience once out of high school, and will be able to make a living and live on their own, find a life partner, and maybe give them grandchildren. We special needs parents either don’t know if any of that will happen, or we know for certain that it won’t.

As The Boy gets older, I get a better idea, but I can’t say for certain, and I definitely don’t want to judge his capability too early, thereby predetermining the outcome – does that make sense? I want to be as open as I can to all possibilities so that none seems out of reach for The Boy.

One of the ideas that has been percolating ever since we made this major life decision to move to be closer to The Man and my parents has been to start up our own business or nonprofit, which could be a built-in job for The Boy in the future. We have lots of ideas, but one that started as a joke, and is still a joke (mostly, maybe, hmmm…) has been that The Man and The Boy will operate a hot dog stand at the beach during the summer. The Man actually has a friend who did it for awhile and made money doing it, too!

So this is The Boy’s Christmas gift to The Man this year:

Pretty fitting, don’t you think?

What He Doesn’t Know

Posted on November 25, 2012 by simpleijustdo

Kids with autism are often lost when one uses colloquialisms and turns of phrase because they don’t jive with the literal translation in their minds. Tonight, I made a comment to The Boy as he was giggling about something he was watching on youtube that he was “laughing like a hyena”. He had no idea what I meant, in large part because he didn’t know what a hyena was.

I was momentarily stunned as I thought, “He doesn’t know what a hyena is? He’s almost eleven! Shouldn’t he have learned this by now?” I thought back to when I was eleven, and tried to remember if I knew then what a hyena was, and guessed that I probably did. So why did I know that then? Maybe Mutual of Omaha? Maybe we need to be watching more nature shows on PBS? Don’t answer that — I know we need to be watching more anything on PBS. I’m just not all that keen on TV, but that’s another story…

What does a modern mom do? I pulled up youtube and called him over to watch a youtube video of a hyena laughing, in response to which he promptly… you guessed it, started laughing.

Does anyone else find this parenting thing not at all as sequential as you thought it would be, and way more random?