Can I just start this post off by saying I know how incredibly lucky The Boy and I are? I know there’s a lot of single mamas out there with kiddos with special needs, and I know that loneliness, and that feeling of hopelessness that you may never find someone to share your joys and burdens. I write this post in gratitude that life, circumstance, karma, or whatever or whoever you may think had a hand in it, helped us get to be this blended family of three.
The Man is a natural teacher and kid magnet. Whenever we go to the beach, he picks out a couple of kids who show even the slightest interest in his surfboard, puts them on, gives them a few pointers and lets them fly. And after about 10 minutes, a whole beach-full of kids wants a turn. Our little neighbor often comes over to see if The Boy wants to play, and just as often ends up “helping” The Man with his projects around the house, wearing his tool belt, and learning how to use a power screwdriver, under the closest of supervision, of course.
He shows me how to do stuff all the time. I put windows into our trailer flip all by myself, you know, and I didn’t know how to do that before I met The Man.
He was the one to teach The Boy to ride his bike. He taught him how to pee while keeping his trousers up. He’s taught him how to surf and mow the lawn. The other night, The Man had brought home some m&ms for The Boy and had told him he could have them when he was done practicing the tuba. But when The Boy and I ended the practice session, I was frustrated. He is so freakin’ smart that he thinks it’s funny to play it incorrectly and doesn’t know when to stop joking around and get work done. This is something we’re working on, and this lesson just didn’t go right. I was tired of everything and decided to go to bed early. The Boy quickly grabbed the m&ms and headed to his room. In his mind, he was done practicing which meant he could have them, while The Man and I both agreed that you only get rewards when you do things the right way. I gave up and headed to bed, very aggravated and unwilling to fight anymore. The Man stepped in and I could hear him speaking to The Boy through the bedroom door. He came to bed and said he had explained that we needed to save the m&ms for when he actually got the work done on the tuba, and asked him to think about it, and also suggested that when he returned the m&ms to the fridge, he needed to come and tell me he had done so.
I was so impressed. The Man had calmly explained the reasoning and left it in The Boy’s hands to do the right thing.
Not five minutes had gone by when we heard a knock on the bedroom door. The Boy entered to tell me he had returned the m&ms, and I assured him he could earn them the next night by completing our work on the tuba. He wasn’t happy about it, but he wasn’t melting, either, and he had made the right choice, guided by The Man’s words.
This is something that would not have occurred if his dad had been around. This is something that would not have occurred if I was still doing it all on my own. This occurred because The Man is a good teacher, and a good parent. I am grateful.