I described the ex’s latest cancellation the other day, and The Boy’s reaction. I am always the one who has to relay the news to The Boy, and I am the one left to field questions to which I have no answers. I am the one to deal with the acting out that quite often happens after one of these cancellations.
The ex will never change, but does that mean I shouldn’t try to show him what he’s missing, and what he is doing to our son?
I’m thinking of sending him a text (he doesn’t even access his email, and I don’t want to get into it with him on the phone) to point out that he hasn’t seen his son in eight months, and to ask him to imagine not having his own dad around for that long a time period. Explain that I understand money is tight, and that he has a hard time taking work off, but that if he saved a bit out of every paycheck, and told his boss months in advance (instead of days), he might be able to swing it. Ask him to stop “trying” to make plans and only tell The Boy he will see him when he is sure he can. Point out that his son is sad and angry at him, and that he deals with this by acting out, often at school.
He will undoubtedly get angry and not speak to The Boy for months after I send it, because that is his MO. But I feel I have the right to ask someone who continually hurts my son to take a moment to realize he is doing it, and to please stop.
I know he won’t change, but there’s a chance he has simply not given a thought to the effect of his absence and broken promises on his son. And if there’s a chance, it’s worth trying, right?