Child support

Here’s the shocker: The Boy actually went to his dad’s for a whole two weeks, and they had a great time. And his dad actually spent time with him, rather than working and foisting his son onto his girlfriend or his mother (of course, he’s been laid off, so I’m not sure it was a conscious choice, but it’s something). They went sledding, bowling, and to an aviation museum, and I think, just maybe, the ex is starting to realize what a neat kid we made together.

I’m not saying he’s a changed man. The Boy came home with cat scratches covering his hands, and his boots were left behind. A hearing is about to be scheduled for nonpayment of child support, and the ex is talking about paying for two plane tickets to come and gather The Boy after we move. (I don’t really see the second half of that sentence happening because of the first part of that sentence). But I’m hoping that the ex has come to understand how important it is for him to see his son (more than he did in 2012), and I’m hoping he has come to understand that it isn’t up to me to make sure that happens.

As I said, only time will tell. But it is nice to get a pleasant surprise once in awhile!

For the past year or so, the ex has done a fairly good job with keeping up with the meager child support payments he has to make. Why? Because as long as he is gainfully employed, they take it right out of his check. If he had to do anything himself, it probably wouldn’t get done. I’m not slamming him, that’s just a fact, which he would probably admit to, as well. Sometimes his employer has taken it upon himself to submit it biweekly instead of weekly. I’m not sure why he does this, but as long as The Boy gets his support in a timely fashion, it doesn’t really matter to me.

The gainfully employed part of that is the only sticking point. There are times when the ex “gets laid off” which is code for “gets fired”. He tends to have a problem with authority, and tends to not hold a job for terribly long. I think that is what has happened yet again, as it has been longer than two weeks since a payment was made.

Thankfully, I haven’t really had to fight too much for The Boy’s rights. My state (as I think most states do) works with the state in which the ex lives, and they do a great job of tracking down the people and information they need, and following through with their procedures. A couple of years ago, the total amount owed got up to about $3000, and my state initiated hearing proceedings. They notified the ex, who started to panic, and they even went so far as to intimate to him that if he didn’t have all of the money at the hearing, he would be put in jail. I’m not sure that is entirely true, but good on the (mostly) ladies who work for child services in getting the desired results.

Of course, the ex sees it as “the man” trying to “keep him down” because he’s known a lot of guys who have been “screwed by the system” over the years. The funniest part of all of this was the moment when the ex realized he actually had to pay more toward his son’s upbringing after the divorce, because I footed so much of the bill when we were married. Karma.

In any case, if you are going through a divorce, please, PLEASE do not make any agreement to go outside of the system. I know my state doesn’t even allow it, so it may not even be legal where you are, but beside that, there is no enforcement if you make your own “deal” with your soon-to-be-ex, like my ex desperately wanted me to agree to. Where would I have been when he owed me $3000? Out of luck, that’s where.

Also, if you can at all help it, try to get to a point where you do not depend on that support. It really is another form of control that your ex still has over you.