Screaming Children in Public Places

Posted on October 7, 2015 by simpleijustdo

There seems to have been a recurring theme all summer, and it has now bled into the fall with the latest story of a couple of ladies who took it upon themselves to write a passive aggressive note to a parent at a restaurant. In previous cases, a restaurant owner balled out a toddler, and a woman had her check paid by a stranger.

It seems a pretty divisive conversation. People do not hesitate to comment, and comment strongly, about WHAT THEY THINK.

I get both sides of the issue. I really do. And I was not there in any of these cases, so I personally do not know the extent of the “screaming”. There are times that The Man and I have been out to dinner, and been severely annoyed by a toddler allowed to run around the wooden booth behind us, and there are other times when a particularly enthusiastic child doesn’t bother me. A lot depends on the situation, the age of the child, and the parents’ attempt or lack thereof to control the behavior.

But here’s the thing. Public spaces are public. Kids are kids. Restaurants are open to all kinds of people. You cannot control your environment unless you are at home, and as soon as you try to, you infringe on someone else’s rights. Parents with rambunctious children have a right to go out to eat once in awhile. And you may have to suffer through an annoying experience once in awhile. That’s just life. Unless you want to go off-grid and live like a hermit, you will have to deal with other people who are not under your control.

Also, how do you expect children to learn how to behave in restaurants if they never get the chance to go to one? What are we teaching children if we whisk them out of every public place as soon as they make a peep? The Boy is not whisked out of his classroom every time he needs to pace or starts to get upset, nor should he be. He needs to learn how to manage his emotions and still participate in class, much like a small child should learn this as well. They can only do that in situ.

This does all depend on the parent making the moment teachable, and monitoring when the behavior gets to be too much for the surroundings.

Judgy and opiniony. It’s getting a little thick out there again. Be nice, don’t judge, offer to help, and get over it.

Not Creepy, Just Different

Posted on October 6, 2015 by simpleijustdo

If you watch Jeopardy!, you’ll know that the current champion has won about a week’s worth of games handily. Matt Jackson has blown his competition out of the water, and unlike other winners of his ilk, is actually likeable. The Man hates it when someone wins so much the other people don’t even have a chance, but this guy… he really kind of likes him.

It’s not because Mr. Jackson is very sociable or says clever things or is funny. In fact, he’s not. I have a sneaking suspicion he may be on the spectrum. When it’s time to smile, he smiles, albeit a bit forced like every school picture that has come home with The Boy. When he’s in the game, he’s impatient for Alex Trebek to read the next clue. When he’s wrong, he blinks and looks like you just shot his puppy.

And after the show, when the contestants stand on the stage in a semicircle and talk to Alex, he stands furthest away and says little.

Who knows if the guy is on the spectrum or not. I certainly don’t know him as a person. He may just be a bit socially awkward, as many Jeopardy! contestants have been. But I’ve been rooting for him because I find him charming. Not ever having been too socially adept myself, I always root for #teamquirky, because those are the people in this life who will not bullshit you.

So when I read a friend’s FaceBook post where he said he liked Mr. Jackson, found him creepy because he doesn’t blink, but liked him, and saw others responding with comments like “he has a very creepy smile. Something just seems off,” and more comments talking about how he will likely murder Alex Trebek in his sleep, my heart hurt a little.

You assume someone is psychotic because they are not socially adept? People who are different from you make you think something is “off”?

Maybe I would be saying those things, too, if my son weren’t on the spectrum. But I doubt it. Because I was that kid who only thought of the right thing to say after someone walked away. I was that kid who hid my teeth when I smiled (and probably looked a bit creepy). I was that kid who wore a big yellow fuzzy coat to school and got mocked for it (even though it was so cool).

I get so tired of the meanness, the pettiness, the judgy. They say it comes from insecurity. They say it comes from ignorance. I think it comes from laziness, bad habits, mediocrity, and the fact that people just don’t grow up anymore.

I said and did stupid things when I was a kid. I was a kid. Then I grew up.

There’s a whole lot of different people on this planet. You can either be open to that difference, or you can be closed to it. Guess which one is more fun?

Under the Surface

Posted on October 1, 2015 by simpleijustdo

Kiddos on the spectrum process emotion differently than us neurotypicals.

“Duh,” you might say. And I would agree, but sometimes I forget how deeply this runs through my own kiddo.

Last week, I got notification from Fantastic Babysitter that they were most likely going to have to put their kitty down. She was getting old and not feeling well, and not getting any better, and she was worried about The Boy. I was too, because sometimes the death of an animal seems to hit him harder than the death of a human being, which is typical for those on the spectrum (“kitty” was his first word, after all).

One of our old kitties who is in kitty heaven now

I approached the subject with him and let him know that the kitty in question would probably be going to kitty heaven soon. He asked why, and I explained that as animals and humans get older, their bodies fail them, and they start to get sick. Sometimes, when animals get so sick, we put them to sleep so they can go play and run and chase mice with their friends in kitty heaven. We talked about how it would be cool for Fantastic Babysitter’s kitty to go play with our old kitties in heaven, and that she would be happy there. He had some questions, and I answered them to the best of my ability. He seemed a bit bothered, but also seemed to handle it with grace.

I reassured Fantastic Babysitter that The Boy was ok, and we were sad for her. It’s never easy to let a pet go, but we had been through it a couple of times, so it shouldn’t be too Earth-shattering for The Boy.

And everything seemed ok.

But then, some other things went wrong in The Boy’s world last week, and the death of the kitty seemed to come back up to the surface and tip the scales, sending him off the edge. You see, taken by itself, the absence of his friend-who-is-a-girl on Friday would have been upsetting, but not on-the-verge-of-a-meltdown all weekend. But add the death of the kitty (which obviously affected him more than I could tell on the surface), and it gets to be too much to process.

Everyone is leaving him, he thought.

And for a kid that actually has been left behind by a parent, any dumba** could see the potential for meltdown.

I’m glad I have enough perspective to be able to understand in hindsight what contributes to his frame of mind. Maybe someday I’ll be able to predict a bit better to help him head off some of these catastrophic feelings.

Always a process, always learning.