Category Archives: Captain Random

Essential Non-Apps for the Special Needs Parent

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Non-Apps?  What?

I like to think of them as the things you do with your kids, away from technology, that will make your life easier (and more fun).  Wouldn’t that be the definition of a non-app?

I recently wrote about an A-ha moment when expressing to The Boy how miserable meltdowns made the rest of us feel helped him to see that being cooperative made the people he loves happy, which is his greatest desire.  If he didn’t have that connection with me, he wouldn’t care. Here are some things that we do that help me connect with my child, which in the long run is my best defense against meltdowns, attitude, whining, etc.

1.  Take walks together.  My kid isn’t all that athletic.  OK, he isn’t athletic at all.  So to get him to get outside and be active is a tough thing when there isn’t a pool or the ocean nearby.  We take a walk almost daily, depending on the weather.  It is usually just a block or two, but it is free from distraction and we have some good talks about the big and the little things.

2.  We cuddle, and smush each other.  My son is 10, and some may think “too old” for this, but he benefits from the deep pressure, and it helps us connect.  He “wres-tles” (pronouncing the “t”) with The Man, which is way more manly, but has the same benefits.  I told him I had to “tackle” the kitchen today, and he said, “Go for the legs!”

3.  Read together.  Every year, we have a reading log sent home, and I am sure the expectation is that The Boy reads to me, but I often read to him.  He is a good reader.  He gets practice all day long at school, and I want to model good, natural reading to him, plus it’s a treat.  He can lay there listening (hopefully getting sleepy), and absorb common inflection and pacing while cuddling next to me.

4.  Being silly together.  I am lucky.  The Boy has an incredible sense of humor.  He loves jokes and word games.  Having private jokes together is another way to connect.

5.  Encouraging his talents.  Some obsessions are a little hard to deal with (like the summer he had to wear the same green shirt every day).  But as he has gotten older, most of his obsessions have become a little more useful.  Writing comics, knowing about every version of Windows that has ever come out, and being able to identify car makes and models even at night are easier to encourage; By not trying to constantly steer him away from the things he loves, I am validating that they have worth and value, and could lead to greater things.

What do you do to connect with your child?  Have you seen the benefits?  Tell us about it.

Time Saver: Dashlane

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If you are an internet hound like me, and you do a fair amount of shopping via the web, also like me, you may want to check out Dashlane.  This is one of those password saver applications that not only saves your passwords extremely securely, it also fills out forms for you online.  Creating a new account for some website?  Dashlane will fill that out for you!  Not sure if you have an account on this site?  Dashlane remembers.  I was skeptical at first, but after it was reviewed and recommended by lifehacker.com, I gave it a shot (it was still in beta at the time), and I love it.
Want to save some time?  Try Dashlane.

(And no, I get nothing for recommending it!)

Pomo What? How the Pomodoro Technique is like Behavioral Therapy

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As we head back into the sPomodoro techniquechool season which is hectic for most parents, and extremely hectic for the special needs parent (can anyone say, “Transition”??), I have to admit that I sometimes need motivation to get done all of the things that need to get done.  In other words, I need something to get my butt in gear when it comes to chores at home, because in my whole scheme of things, they are often the last priority.

If you aren’t familiar with lifehacker.com, it is a site that offers lots of techie tips, but also its fair share of life techniques that can help you simplify processes and save time.  A few months ago, I read about The Pomodoro Technique on lifehacker, and have been using it with considerable success in my own life.  There are even free apps for using this technique, which makes it even better.

The gist is that you set your timer for 25 minutes, and work straight through at your task until the timer goes off.  You then reward yourself with 5 minutes to do whatever you’d like.  You can also modify those numbers, if you want to work for shorter or longer, or reward yourself for shorter or longer.  Only you know what will work for you.

Those of us familiar with visual schedules and behavioral therapy recognize this basic principle of “work-then-reward”, and the truth of human nature lies within – it’s hard to be intrinsically motivated when doing things you hate to do.  The best part is that I am not too overwhelmed to get started on my chores when I break them down into 25 minute chunks, and I can walk away in the middle if I need to attend to something else.

Check out the lifehacker article here, and the official website here.

What tricks do you use to get everything done?

We Miss You Already

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Doo-da-LINK! My phone screeches that I have a new text.  I roll over to see that the world is waking and the news is spreading. I realize suddenly that it wasn’t a dream, and I roll back over to try to get that last half hour of the three possible hours I could sleep that night, rather than reply to the text right away.  I couldn’t sleep the previous night and had gotten back up around midnight to jot down some new ideas for some lesson plans I was redesigning, when I received the devastating email that would keep me up for four more hours.  The email that explained the woman who had been my son’s ASD teacher for his first three years of school was dead at the age of 38.

She was shorter than me, more energetic than me, and overwhelmingly happy and bubbly.  She loved her students fiercely, and never allowed the NT students to treat the ASD students differently.  On one field trip in Kindergarten, I stood next to her as she told the fellow student who had just talked to The Boy as if he were an infant, “He’s not dumb, ya know! He’s the same age as you!” or something to that effect.

She was persistent.  If a strategy wasn’t working, we’d try something else.  She was honest to a fault, coming to me for ideas when she had run dry.  She got in trouble with her superiors more than once for trying to make sure my kid had the supports he needed, even if it was convincing her own husband to come and “hang out” with The Boy because his own dad wouldn’t step up.

And then she was transferred to a different school.  And then her husband was transferred across the country.  She made an effort to stay in touch a couple of times a year, via email or a card.  I can remember one time when The Boy was beginning to melt down, and he decided to write her a card — magically, whatever had been upsetting him was settled.

She was his first teacher in his corner.  She loved him fiercely during a turbulent time in his life.  She risked herself for my son.  And for that, we will both love her dearly always, and never forget her.

Rest in Peace, RBS.