Peer to Peer: How to Make Sure Pranks on Kids with Autism Don’t Happen

There are too many stories of horrific acts done to kids on the spectrum these days.  The ice bucket challenge “prank” in Ohio, the boy in Pittsburgh duct-taped to a soccer goal… Targeted hate crimes if you ask me.  I’m appalled that schools and law enforcement seem to be utterly reactive in these situations, as well.  Taking plenty of time to “investigate” while handing down weak “discipline”.  It is so utterly disheartening to read about these attacks.

What I know is that the chances of that type of thing happening in the district where The Boy went to school from kindergarten through 5th grade were  and are slim to none.  Why?  Because they were proactive.  When they created an autism program, they also created a program for the neurotypical students that would be encountering this population in their classrooms.

In The Boy’s case, it started as “Grub Club” where the kids in the ASD program were able to go out into the community for lunch once a month and invite an NT student/friend.  The kids in the spectrum get real practice using social skills, and the NT kids get to know the ASD kids as real people, away from the peer pressure.

Grub Club morphed into the LINKS program (more info here), and by the time The Boy was in 5th grade, almost the entire 5th grade class had signed up to be a LINK.  They received special “training” and volunteered to buddy up with their ASD friends in class on projects.  When I watched The Boy and his classmates, they never hesitated to help him find where to go at the choir concert, and never refused a birthday party invitation.

friends

You can’t expect neurotypical kids to know how to deal with kids on the spectrum.  You can hope their families have given them some good training on how to treat other human beings, but sadly, this is not even the case the majority of the time.  If you are going to teach my kid with autism how to react to the neurotypical world, you had better also be teaching those NT kids how to deal with my kid with autism.  When you don’t, you are missing teaching lessons as important as anything in the Common Core.  And maybe your district will be the next one on the national news, dealing with some horrific act perpetrated by your students who were never taught these important life lessons.

Another Autism Speaks Post

IMG_2297The other day, while on twitter, someone began to tweet to me about how I needed to boycott Autism Speaks.  I replied that I don’t outwardly support them, nor do I decry them.  That person went on to try to “teach” me about Autism Speaks and how detrimental they were to those on the spectrum.  I replied that I didn’t agree with the way their message is being communicated, but that they have the funding and national recognition to be able to get some much needed research done.  This person then suggested several other autism groups which were much more deserving of my time (didn’t I already explain that I neither support nor boycott Autism Speaks?  What time is it that I am giving to them?) and insisted that these groups also do research.

The following is a list of groups that this person suggested.  I was already familiar with some, in fact already support and follow several on twitter and FaceBook.  There are others on this list that seem a little less organized, and some that I don’t necessarily support.  Not one of them, however, does the type of scientific research that Autism Speaks sponsors.

Let me be plain.  I do not support the notion that autism is a disease.  I do not support the notion that it needs to be cured in any way.  I do not support the notion that autism is a bad thing.  I think Autism Speaks muddies their own message, vision, purpose and intent with some of the inflammatory statements that their founders have made.  For these reasons, I do not raise money for Autism Speaks, nor do I publicly support them in any way, other than to follow them on twitter and FaceBook.  I do share certain articles posted by Autism Speaks that I think are helpful to those on the spectrum, and to families affected by autism.  And I do not “boycott” or publicly denounce them because I feel that the types of research that they sponsor are necessary, and no one else can even come close to the scope of that research.  In short, I think they serve a purpose, but I will not actively support them until they get clear on their message, vision, purpose, and intent.

I respect those with opinions differing from mine until you give me a reason not to.  I don’t enjoy being needled by someone who assumes I have made an uneducated decision.  I don’t enjoy it when someone assumes I support Autism Speaks because I respond to someone else’s tweet to Autism Speaks.

Feel free to check out any of these groups, as suggested by @imwithduke and see what conclusions you come up with.

goldenhatfoundation.org

autismcouncil.org

autismparentingmagazine.com

grasp.org

autismhwy.com

autismnow.org

autism-society.org

autismwomensnetwork.org

autisticadvocacy.org

It never hurts to do your own research and figure out just where you stand.  No nonprofit can serve the needs of all members of the community it purports to serve.  Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad for a time, and see what shakes out.  Do the research, and make an informed decision.  Respect those with differing views until they give you a good reason not to.

 

 

There Always Has to be One

It seems that every year, there is one teacher who just doesn’t get it.

I am overwhelmed by the amount of homework in The Boy’s science class this year, and it is supposedly being modified for him. This teacher refuses to give us study guides, insisting they are only made available for tests and not for quizzes.  However the quizzes cover an entire chapter and 40 slides from the PowerPoint they use in class.  What is assigned isn’t being communicated correctly in the planner, or conflicts with what is sent home via email.

I’ve been trying to communicate all of this to The Boy’s special education teacher, and she is doing her best, but she can’t control the general ed teacher and I don’t expect her to.  It’s just frustrating that yet again, I find myself providing the modifications for my son, and it’s just not my job.

modifications

This same teacher tried to “explain” to me in an email that he “grades on effort” because he knows that some students “struggle” more than others. Wrong thing to say to me. It offends me as a special needs mom, and it offends me as a former teacher.  There is nothing right with that statement.  I just have to figure out how much fight I have in me right now, and then I’ll figure out what to do next…

The Cat Stays

A few weeks ago, I posted that we were probably going to have to re-home the cat we rescued due to my allergies.  Much to The Boy’s delight, we have decided to hang on to Raphael.  As long as I am careful about washing my hands, and as long as we manage the cleanliness of the place, my allergies seem to be held at bay.  He is still a very sweet kitty, and The Boy has stepped up, all on his own initiative, feeding Raphael without being asked.  I’d love to see him get to a point where he can help with the litter, too, but mornings are already crazy, and baby steps are still progress.

Raphael is an older cat, but still fairly frisky, and loves the hot pink wand toy The Boy bought for him at the dollar store more than any other toy we have purchased.  He also likes to hang out in The Boy’s room, and has stopped yowling at night.  The Man is still his favorite, but I think I may be winning him over…

cuddler

Sleepovers: Spectrum Style

Last Saturday, we invited The Boy’s best friend over for a sleepover.  He is on the spectrum, too, and is in The Boy’s program at school.  They get along really well together, share the same interests, and this boy just seems to get it when The Boy doesn’t answer a question or doesn’t want to do the same thing he does.

The two spent the morning at our Autism Society’s chapter’s “Friends and Fun” party, during which everyone who celebrates a birthday for that month gets to come to a church youth group center and hang out for a couple of hours.  Presents are given by the chapter, and there’re cupcakes, so it is a great way for the kids to get together without the pressure of a formal birthday party (and figuring out whom to invite).

Then I picked them up and brought them to the beach trailer that The Man and I are renovating… Have I told y’all about that?  Not yet?  Another post entirely…

They waited patiently while I put in a new window…

window work

And then The Man, the boys and I walked over to McDonald’s for some lunch and some much needed sweet tea.

Next, I drove the boys up the way a bit to a bowling alley that we had heard also had an arcade.  After getting lost twice (thank you, iPhone!), we found the place and proceeded to spend quarters on slightly beat up machines that didn’t always give us tickets.  The boys had a great time playing foosball and air hockey, and ended up with some fantastic plastic slinky bracelets that promptly broke within the next half hour.  But it was fun ;)

foosball

We stopped at Target to see if the Halloween costumes were out yet, which they weren’t, but we had a good time poking around the legos and stuff, and they were patient with me while I poked around in the office supplies, ogling washi tape.  We picked up a couple of toys for Raphael, too.

On the way back home, we stopped at a Halloween superstore, as The Boy’s friend seems to have an obsession with Halloween and the haunted house he and his parents create in their garage every year.  This superstore actually had a small haunted house setup through which you HAD to walk to get into the store.  The Boy’s friend seemed to like it and be scared by it at the same time, while The Boy was just scared.  We checked out the costumes, and I think The Boy was most traumatized by the fake boobs in one of the aisles.

We headed back to the beach trailer to see The Man’s progress and then headed over to one of the piers with a restaurant (and a great view), ate dinner, and walked out on the pier after dark.

pier at dusk

We headed home and let the boys do their thing with DSs and iPads and computers – oh my!  As The Man and I headed to bed rather early – he tired from the physical work of putting in new sub-floor by himself, and me tired from entertaining two preteens for the past 9 hours.

Let’s just say I’m glad it doesn’t happen every weekend, but I am SO glad The Boy has a friend to be able to do this with.  It’s a small slice of normal for him, and he loves it.

A Wonderful Visit

This post was drafted in August and I realized I hadn’t posted it yet.  :)

___

Our one and only Fantastic Babysitter (and her mom and baby) came to visit this past week.  She sacrificed a lot to come, and The Boy was so pleased to have her here, as was I.  We spent a long day at the beach, and worked around the baby’s schedule with relatively little problem, able to eat out a few times, and experience the area, thanks to some wonderful weather.

We walked out on the long fishing pier that extends out to the ocean, and Fantastic Babysitter, being afraid of heights, began to get a little nervous, expressing a wish for a hand to hold as she progressed over the beach and then over the waves.  The Boy slipped up behind her and picked up her hand, impressing everyone with his empathy and sensitivity.

Later, he sat on the couch next to me, and we held the baby.  He began to play with her feet, saying softly, “I’ve got your tootsies,” and then “Am I doing it right?” to me.

I watched him as he took every opportunity to sit next to Fantastic Babysitter, sometimes putting his head on her shoulder, recognizing the beautiful relationship they continue to have, even across the miles.

I was so happy to see them together, and was truly sad to see them go.  On their first night here, he began begging to go “back home,” and I realized that we may have to make that a reality before too long.  A visit next summer may be in order, because there are lots of people there he misses, and some I miss, as well.  We have been so happy here, but this visit brought some strong feelings to the surface, especially on his part.  And I don’t want to ignore those.

Planners Who Need Planners

I succumbed.

A co-worker introduced me to the Erin Condren Life Planner in July.  Suddenly I remembered my undergrad days when a planner was my lifeblood.  I couldn’t function without it, and if someone had ever taken it or I had misplaced it, my world would come to a screeching halt.  As I read reviews and watched the plethora of YouTube posts (it seemed everyone who had ever purchased one had also either done a blog post or a video with a 20-minute “walkthrough”), I suffered from sticker shock, but also a growing need to have one.  How had I gone so long without a planner? I asked myself over and over again.  I had never quite gotten the hang of the digital organization I so wanted to make work: Evernote, SpringPad, even Notes and Reminders on the iPhone just hadn’t quite cut it.  And I thought about the nights where I can’t sleep because my mind is racing with to-dos and ideas, notes and projects, blog posts and emails I need to write.  When those nights pop up, the only, ONLY way to calm my fevered brain is to get up with a pen and a pad of paper and just write everything down.  Good old pen to paper.

I could get my money managed more effectively, and keep track of expenses, I thought.

I could organize my blogging calendar, I thought.

I could have all of The Boy’s school and Autism Society events in one place, I thought.

I could even put events for work in there so I always know what’s going on and when, I thought.

I could include a daily to-do list, I thought.

I could keep our evenings on track between homework and other household chores, I thought.

In the end, I convinced myself to bite the bullet, and give it a shot.  In the whole scheme of things, if it didn’t work, the cost was not that prohibitive.  I ordered my planner and waited about 4 weeks for it to arrive.

When it came, I wasn’t sure what to do with it, and again, watched videos and read blog posts on the most effective way to use the planner.  Come to find out, most people’s posts were about how pretty they could make the thing with washi tape and stickers, without any real substance on how to use it.  So I turned to the notes section and made a list of all the things I wanted to keep track of, and began to form my own ideas of just how I would keep track of all of the stuff I mentioned above.

It’s been about two weeks, and it is being used, multiple times a day.  Not only do I plan, but I record expenses (usually first on a sticky note, and if I have time later, with the “proper” label that I have devised), and other things that have happened.

ECLP

But the biggest A-Ha of all is that by having everything recorded, I don’t remind myself six times a day about that one thing I want to remember.  I have a go-to spot for important papers.  I know where stuff is.  And all of these things allow me to 1) relax more, and 2) be more creative.  I have time to think about (and jot down) ideas for blog posts, and even outline my dreams and plans for my own nonprofit which I hope to start someday.

So I guess this is my own obligatory Erin Condren Life Planner blog post.  And I’m not trying to sell you on anything – it’s not for everyone.  But I am glad that I have gone back to paper, because it’s actually allowing my mind to unburden itself of all the small stuff so I have more time to think about the big stuff.